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  1. #41
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    I have some PTSD related to the birth of my DD2...And they arent really good about listening to my concerns. DD2 measured small by their (stupid) piece of measuring tape so even though i was telling them something wasnt right and i could feel her really high in my ribs..like much higher than my first had ever been and i often thought she was going to break them...she didnt but she did get stuck in my pelvis. They told me that when i pushed her head was not even making a turtle motion, she was just stuck period. There was a huge scene (they try and keep the mom as calm as possible but you know something is wrong when you push for an hour and there is no progress and the NICU team rushes in and doesnt even introduce themselves...but who else could they be?) and then a team of nurses were in the room, threw the head of the bed back and told me to push while they pressed down on my stomach trying to get the baby out enough for the doctor to grab her. again she could not budge, her shoulders were stuck on my pelvis, doctor had to reach up and pop her shoulder out of socket to get her out of me...officially called shoulder dystocia..She was born purple with wide eyes that i still haunt me to this day. I held her all of 5 seconds when they initially placed her in my arms wiping her off hoping that would be enough to start her and it wasnt...they took her to the incubator and worked on her and i heard them say they were at the time limit and it was their last chance to revive her after what felt like several minutes and it was that last attempt when my DD2 gave her weakest possible cry to indicate she was 'there' and then they whisked her off to nicu and during ALL OF THIS i still had no clue what had just happened until after when a nurse only briefly explained what had happened. I was mortified they broke her shoulder and that was her first life experience basically...all of which she didnt even get the comfort of her mother she had known for 9 months during any of this or after because she still was barely breathing and they had to get her to NICU..

    I had begged for a c section the end of that pregnancy and they denied me. shes just small they said. i was 37 weeks 5 days when she was born, i went into labor at 37 + 4...she was 9 pounds and 2 ounces..22 inches long.

    So they fixed their mistake with DD3 by offering my a c section. DD3 was only 8 pounds but i was just too scared to have her vaginally...so while i hate thinking i could have probably done an 8 pound baby (DD1 needed vacuumed out but she was still out 'naturally'...7 pounds 15 ounces) I just cant risk ever having what happened to DD2 happen to me again...

    The 'feeling like i'll die' is a figure of speech. I hate the last 6 weeks or so of pregnancy. i dont do well. Im huge, and uncomfortable, and alot like your sister where i just dont want to be pregnant anymore... im a spoiled brat thats really lucky to have the advances in science and technology that we have but i dont really have any shame in that. I dont enjoy pregnancy one bit..im in it for the baby at the end, lol

    The thing about c sections at least where i live is they will NOT induce you if you are going to have a c section for any reason before 39 weeks unless of health related issues...pre e, water breaks, cervix is fully effaced and dialated to at least a 4 to show you are 'transitioning' to active labor if not already in it..some doctors in my practice even prefer 5 before they will do a section before 39 weeks..Its ridiculous and yet i dont have a choice because again i cannot risk another bad vaginal birth.
    Katelynn Marie (2005)
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  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by sigrid86 View Post
    Wel fortunately then I notice that a lot of people are struggling with having kids, so we can only be blessed if things go well.

    I'm not going to go into detail about your healthcare as Atomic requested. I understand and can imagine this is a sensitive topic.

    Wow, maybe 4 kids even? It's funny, I have the feeling that a lot of people on this forum have 3 kids or more. In our country, it's not very common to have more than 2 kids. 3 maybe, but more than 3 is really an exception. I have a lot of respect for parents of 3 and more children. That seems a lot of work Would you really like to have twins? I would stress out my whole pregnancy since it's really a risk pregnancy. But maybe that's because of my background ofcourse. It's great that you'd do anything to have a boy. I can relate to that I'm thinking the same of a girl.

    So you've got another 4 years: 4 years for 3 kids, right? and if you get twins it's even better I see it a lot that guys of 35 and older still get kids. But I understand you rather want to be a young parent...I also wanted to have a child before I turned out 30 and that would have happened if we wouldn't have lost her But I turned 30 last month (which was really hard) and sometimes I'm also afraid hat I'm already getting 'old' for a first child.
    You're totally not getting old for that first child -- over here at least, the average age of a FTM is definitely getting to around 30, and I know tons of women (my mom even back in the '80s!) who had their first child at 30! Plus, being over 30 has nothing to do with fertility or anything either... I could wax long and hard on all of that, haha, but needless to say the "myth" of 30 being older for a mom in terms of fertility is based on old census records!

    Over here the average number of kids is still 1.13 or something, and has dropped from the 1.7 it used to be -- but, there are definitely still larger families over here. I've been told by friends and families in other countries that it's all our space over here, haha

    I'm one of 3 and my DH is one of 4, so we always wanted at least 3 -- more playmates for each other, no "I hate my one other sibling" hopefully since there will always be at least a pairing off somewhere haha, etc. We're both of the "if 4 happens, it happens" type deal. I think on here you're going to generally get a larger portion of bigger families because we're "trying" for a particular sex, though I know there are lots of families on here who do just want bigger families regardless, so swaying is just icing on the cake!

    Getting kids done sooner is more my DH than me, even though I'd had that pocket dream of them all done by 30 (that's more of a weird Type A thing than anything, haha). He worries about being "too old" to run around and play with our kids (his father, of course, digs at this with him all the time since he'd had his last kid by the time my husband had his first); he also is very set on hoping to be retired and have the kids out of the house (or at least adults) haha.

    It's funny you say that about the twins -- I probably WOULD be stressing the whole time because of the higher risk! I wouldn't even be able to deliver with my midwife if I had them, haha, and yet I still think "2 for 1 though!!" I fully echo Buro -- I'm in this for the baby; pregnancy is hard and dangerous and LONG... if I can be more efficient about it and have twins, I'm all for that haha

    I'm sorry turning 30 was so hard for you <3 Truly do not stress about age with your pregnancies -- you're definitely in a good place for them.
    Last edited by Throwaway_panther; January 18th, 2017 at 12:02 PM.

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  4. #43
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    I agree with TP, you are NOT too old for your first pregnancy!! I got pregnant with my DS1 at 30 and had him right before I turned 31. I got pregnant and had my DS3 when I was 33. I got pregnant with my DS3 when I was 35 and had him right after I turned 36. I'm 37 and just got my BFP this morning.

    Don't lose hope! It WILL absolutely happen for you and don't let anyone discourage you or make you feel insecure about starting your family.

    I'm sending you sticky bean vibes your way-



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  5. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush View Post
    You would probably be very surprised that in my area it's not that unusual to have huge families (we have a couple of religious groups in pretty high numbers). I went to school with lots of families that had 8-10 children and they ALL had mixed genders too BTW!!

    It's very interesting to me the difference between the US and Europe in terms of numbers of children we have. Although those of us with more than 2 children (even more than one, in some circles) do definitely have our share of people thinking we are a little bit unusual in the US as well, many people in Europe have very, very strong social pressures to have only one or two children. Much more than the US on average.

    This is one of those reasons why I cringe a LOT when some people on sway sites act like no one can have gender desire for a first child. Yes, some of us have 4-5-6 of the same gender. And that does seem like a raw deal sometimes. But if you can probably only have 1-2 children max by virtue of finances or social constraints then of course it's natural to have a preference and feel very uptight over that.
    I'm indeed surprised Oh my god, 8-10 children....I can't even imagine how that must be. I can't even cook for 6

    I also think there may be a difference in the US and Europe, but don't you think there's also a difference between the city and the country side in the US? I would think that social and financial pressures are overall greater in the city than country side. I just wouldn't know how to deal with more than 3 kids (even 3!) only from a financial point of view. Not to mention that we need to be 2 working parents to pay off our loan. But of course, that's all very different for everyone. Although I think there are a lot of people in Belgium who'd say that.

    I'm glad you understand why we sway for our first and/or second child. We just don't have so many chances if you don't plan to make more than 2 children
    Mom of angel Liv (stillborn at 30w on 06/25/2016)

    TTC rainbow baby
    Failed sway, due September 2017

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  7. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by Burakoam View Post
    I have some PTSD related to the birth of my DD2...And they arent really good about listening to my concerns. DD2 measured small by their (stupid) piece of measuring tape so even though i was telling them something wasnt right and i could feel her really high in my ribs..like much higher than my first had ever been and i often thought she was going to break them...she didnt but she did get stuck in my pelvis. They told me that when i pushed her head was not even making a turtle motion, she was just stuck period. There was a huge scene (they try and keep the mom as calm as possible but you know something is wrong when you push for an hour and there is no progress and the NICU team rushes in and doesnt even introduce themselves...but who else could they be?) and then a team of nurses were in the room, threw the head of the bed back and told me to push while they pressed down on my stomach trying to get the baby out enough for the doctor to grab her. again she could not budge, her shoulders were stuck on my pelvis, doctor had to reach up and pop her shoulder out of socket to get her out of me...officially called shoulder dystocia..She was born purple with wide eyes that i still haunt me to this day. I held her all of 5 seconds when they initially placed her in my arms wiping her off hoping that would be enough to start her and it wasnt...they took her to the incubator and worked on her and i heard them say they were at the time limit and it was their last chance to revive her after what felt like several minutes and it was that last attempt when my DD2 gave her weakest possible cry to indicate she was 'there' and then they whisked her off to nicu and during ALL OF THIS i still had no clue what had just happened until after when a nurse only briefly explained what had happened. I was mortified they broke her shoulder and that was her first life experience basically...all of which she didnt even get the comfort of her mother she had known for 9 months during any of this or after because she still was barely breathing and they had to get her to NICU..

    I had begged for a c section the end of that pregnancy and they denied me. shes just small they said. i was 37 weeks 5 days when she was born, i went into labor at 37 + 4...she was 9 pounds and 2 ounces..22 inches long.

    So they fixed their mistake with DD3 by offering my a c section. DD3 was only 8 pounds but i was just too scared to have her vaginally...so while i hate thinking i could have probably done an 8 pound baby (DD1 needed vacuumed out but she was still out 'naturally'...7 pounds 15 ounces) I just cant risk ever having what happened to DD2 happen to me again...

    The 'feeling like i'll die' is a figure of speech. I hate the last 6 weeks or so of pregnancy. i dont do well. Im huge, and uncomfortable, and alot like your sister where i just dont want to be pregnant anymore... im a spoiled brat thats really lucky to have the advances in science and technology that we have but i dont really have any shame in that. I dont enjoy pregnancy one bit..im in it for the baby at the end, lol

    The thing about c sections at least where i live is they will NOT induce you if you are going to have a c section for any reason before 39 weeks unless of health related issues...pre e, water breaks, cervix is fully effaced and dialated to at least a 4 to show you are 'transitioning' to active labor if not already in it..some doctors in my practice even prefer 5 before they will do a section before 39 weeks..Its ridiculous and yet i dont have a choice because again i cannot risk another bad vaginal birth.
    Wow Burakoam, I can imagine that you have PTSD related to your DD2's birth. What an awful experience! That must have been so terrifying for you. Especially since you can't do anything while all those people are standing around you. What did they say about it afterwards? Did they at least apologize? I'm so glad she survived! How long did it eventually take that you could hold her with you? I'm in a loss support group so I hear everyone's story and I read it sooo often that when someone's in labor and things don't go right, the medical staff just don't say anything to the parents. That's just inhumane...they should be the first to say what's wrong.

    Ofcourse you asked for a c section! Now I understand why you don't want to deliver naturally again. That's a trauma for life. I had a friend who had a similar story; her delivery was also super dangerous for herself after a while. So now she just don't want another child. They had only one girl and that's it. It's just too traumatic for her to be pregnant again.

    Oh ok fortunately it's a figure of speech I can't say how the last 6 weeks are, but I can imagine it's just hard at the end. You're totally right to benefit from the advanced science and technology, I feel the same way. I will always ask for an epidural, although a lot of people say they want to experience it naturally. But I'm just so afraid of all that pain that I don't want to put myself in that situation
    I enjoyed my pregnancy actually, only not the first months (until Week 10) because I was so nauseous, but after that I felt great. Ofcourse I hated it again from the moment we got the bad news...

    It's really a pity for you that they don't induce you earlier with a c section. Hopefully your daughter wants to see the world a bit earlier, maybe at 37 weeks? But you're right, it's ridiculous. Did you already ask in another hospital?
    Mom of angel Liv (stillborn at 30w on 06/25/2016)

    TTC rainbow baby
    Failed sway, due September 2017

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  9. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by Throwaway_panther View Post
    You're totally not getting old for that first child -- over here at least, the average age of a FTM is definitely getting to around 30, and I know tons of women (my mom even back in the '80s!) who had their first child at 30! Plus, being over 30 has nothing to do with fertility or anything either... I could wax long and hard on all of that, haha, but needless to say the "myth" of 30 being older for a mom in terms of fertility is based on old census records!

    Over here the average number of kids is still 1.13 or something, and has dropped from the 1.7 it used to be -- but, there are definitely still larger families over here. I've been told by friends and families in other countries that it's all our space over here, haha

    I'm one of 3 and my DH is one of 4, so we always wanted at least 3 -- more playmates for each other, no "I hate my one other sibling" hopefully since there will always be at least a pairing off somewhere haha, etc. We're both of the "if 4 happens, it happens" type deal. I think on here you're going to generally get a larger portion of bigger families because we're "trying" for a particular sex, though I know there are lots of families on here who do just want bigger families regardless, so swaying is just icing on the cake!

    Getting kids done sooner is more my DH than me, even though I'd had that pocket dream of them all done by 30 (that's more of a weird Type A thing than anything, haha). He worries about being "too old" to run around and play with our kids (his father, of course, digs at this with him all the time since he'd had his last kid by the time my husband had his first); he also is very set on hoping to be retired and have the kids out of the house (or at least adults) haha.

    It's funny you say that about the twins -- I probably WOULD be stressing the whole time because of the higher risk! I wouldn't even be able to deliver with my midwife if I had them, haha, and yet I still think "2 for 1 though!!" I fully echo Buro -- I'm in this for the baby; pregnancy is hard and dangerous and LONG... if I can be more efficient about it and have twins, I'm all for that haha

    I'm sorry turning 30 was so hard for you <3 Truly do not stress about age with your pregnancies -- you're definitely in a good place for them.
    Thank you, that's so nice! I know I'm not 'old' but I just see many women get their first child at least before turning 30. It's nice to hear that I'm not alone There are just not a lot of friends who don't have children yet. Most of them get their first around 27-28 y old. We actually started when I just turned 28 but due to a new job, then having toxoplasmosis (so had to wait another 3 months) and then our loss I'm still here without a child I hate it! I always wanted my first before turning 30 also because I was afraid we'd have fertility issues. I hear sooo many people around me having trouble conceiving. But fortunately that's not the case! You're probably right about the fertility thing. But I do believe that you're less fertile after 35. At least that's what my ob says and what I read.

    Haha it's indeed maybe all the space in the US just what I told Atomic...I do think it plays a role. But of course there are so many other factors. We also want to keep travelling and that just seems difficult while having more than 2 or 3 kids. Also financially it would be hard I think.
    I see it also with friends who where 3 or 4 kids in their family, they often want a big family too. So as I said, there are several reasons I guess.

    I can understand your DH I think it's exhausting still being very active of you're 70 for example and also, you can spend more time with your grandchildren. But I don't think it's fair for his father to compare since in our parent's days, it was normal to have kids about 5 years earlier than we.

    Yes it's just something with our loss terrifies me. Having twins is really risky. My ob was also really glad it's only one But of course most of the time it goes well...I also have the feeling that you won't maybe enjoy them to the fullest because you're so busy all the time. But that's everyone's preference of course
    Oh yeah, pregnancy is soooo long! I already had that with my pregnancy, I counted every day...so I'm hoping this pregnancy will not feel so long.

    Thanks that's sweet. Turning 30 was just hard because I would have had a baby of 3 months by then, it's not really the number. It's just that it was supposed to be a lot different. Thank you for the feel good text
    Mom of angel Liv (stillborn at 30w on 06/25/2016)

    TTC rainbow baby
    Failed sway, due September 2017

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  11. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by XXforhubby View Post
    I agree with TP, you are NOT too old for your first pregnancy!! I got pregnant with my DS1 at 30 and had him right before I turned 31. I got pregnant and had my DS3 when I was 33. I got pregnant with my DS3 when I was 35 and had him right after I turned 36. I'm 37 and just got my BFP this morning.

    Don't lose hope! It WILL absolutely happen for you and don't let anyone discourage you or make you feel insecure about starting your family.

    I'm sending you sticky bean vibes your way-



    DS1, DS2, & DS3
    One Last Pink Sway

    My Ovulation Chart
    Thanks XXforHubby! It's nice to hear that you have 3 kids and your first was born when you were turning 31 Nice age gaps btw, I hope your sons like to play together?
    And woooow, a huge congratulations!! That's great news Did you ttc and did you sway for a long time? That means we're only 3 weeks apart (I'm 7w4d pregnant today - due 3 September)

    Thank you for your kind words! It feels good to read this. I'm Xing my fingers for you that you will have a sticky pink bean! Good luck!
    Mom of angel Liv (stillborn at 30w on 06/25/2016)

    TTC rainbow baby
    Failed sway, due September 2017

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  13. #48
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    My boys are best friends ! The older two love my DS3 and play with him too. My oldest who was 5 when he was born said to me at the hospital, "I wish we would have been triplets so we could play with him " .

    We have been TTCing for 11mo and swaying for a year!

    Come join me in the sept/oct/nov due date thread!!



    DS1, DS2, & DS3
    EDD 9/30/2017 for pink

    My Ovulation Chart

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  15. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by XXforhubby View Post
    My boys are best friends ! The older two love my DS3 and play with him too. My oldest who was 5 when he was born said to me at the hospital, "I wish we would have been triplets so we could play with him " .

    We have been TTCing for 11mo and swaying for a year!

    Come join me in the sept/oct/nov due date thread!!



    DS1, DS2, & DS3
    EDD 9/30/2017 for pink

    My Ovulation Chart
    Oh wow, that's sooo sweet And great to hear they love playing together!

    Oh that's a long time! Let's hope it finally got you your daughter. I'll cross my fingers!

    I didn't know there was already a sep/oct/nov due thread. I'm gonna look for it right away Thanks!
    Mom of angel Liv (stillborn at 30w on 06/25/2016)

    TTC rainbow baby
    Failed sway, due September 2017

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  17. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by sigrid86 View Post
    I'm indeed surprised Oh my god, 8-10 children....I can't even imagine how that must be. I can't even cook for 6

    I also think there may be a difference in the US and Europe, but don't you think there's also a difference between the city and the country side in the US? I would think that social and financial pressures are overall greater in the city than country side. I just wouldn't know how to deal with more than 3 kids (even 3!) only from a financial point of view. Not to mention that we need to be 2 working parents to pay off our loan. But of course, that's all very different for everyone. Although I think there are a lot of people in Belgium who'd say that.

    I'm glad you understand why we sway for our first and/or second child. We just don't have so many chances if you don't plan to make more than 2 children
    Obviously it's more difficult to have a large family in a truly huge city where most live in apartments or whatever, but this was in a city of half-a-million people. We did have suburban areas and that's where I lived. The church groups were very much into helping one another and had a lot of charity and assistance between families so I suspect that made it a lot easier. Most of the older kids did help out at home at least some.
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