I've been here before. I've started a pregnancy full of hope and anticipation, ready and rarin' to go. I was excited and completely unrealistic about my odds of having a baby girl. I thought my year of trying to conceive using Shettles Method would all but guarantee me a daughter. I thought the fact that I was on Vitex and taking cranberry, calcium and magnesium when I accidentally got pregnant last time (while breastfeeding, mind you!) meant my accident would be an accidental girl. Both times finding out they were boys felt like being pushed off a building.

I'm trying desperately to be realistic this time. No matter how my sway went, there's a distinct chance I'm carrying another boy. Nothing but PGD guarantees a girl, and that's my daily mantra.

I'm not allowing myself to look at anything for babies. Not just for girls, but for babies, period. It's my way of "guarding my heart." I know that probably sounds cold and detached, but I have been so hurt in the past, that I think only looking into baby ANYTHING after I know the gender is safest. I'm planning to do Panorama and find out as early as possible, so I really only have about another 6 weeks or so. It's something I've talked about with my therapist, and I think it could help minimize my devastation if my sway failed.

I'm going to focus on being healthy in the meantime. What's healthy for me, at the moment, is also good for the pregnancy, so it works out. I'm going to continue working out, watch my diet and and try my best to keep in shape while I'm still feeling good. Morning sickness usually hits around 6 weeks, so I have a couple weeks of getting to pretend I'm not pregnant, just simply have to stop drinking.

So I think I'm going to limit my time on sites like this, for the time being. Sorry in advance if I miss something awesome. I'm taking care of me right now.