I was set to begin my FET cycle, meds had arrived, calendar was in hand. I was excited to get my AF. And then things got very, very busy and stressful, job-wise, new-house-wise, children-wise, you-name-it. When AF arrived, I felt only dread at the idea of proceeding in a few days. DH and I agreed to wait a month and I'm relieved. Sad to not be cycle buddies with WAD and Orchidia and others, but glad I didn't push ahead....my stress level and to some extent my unhappiness are too high at the moment, and I want to focus on these key parts of my life so I can look forward to the next HT step.

I'm also glad to have a slightly later possible due date, as weird as it feels to type that when I know just how far before the horse I've just put the cart. I don't have any strong feeling that this is going to work, or not work. I don't think about my frosties at all, really....my mental and emotional plate is just SO FULL right now....but moreso, I know it's better for me that I stay in my well-worn Step by Step world, and focus on the next step, which is now my next AF.

I'm not a religious person really but I absolutely offer thanks that I even get to type 'my frosties' in a blog post. I began the process never thinking it would actually work - and it still hasn't of course - but I didn't really think I'd even get the chance to try to make it work. For getting the chance I have such thankfulness and amazement and awe in my heart. I feel funny even typing these words, and I have now just knocked on wood. I want to stay small and humble, head bowed, just being thankful and not doing much more than that.

I'm working through a lot in therapy too and I do think it's helping me. GD has drifted in and out of the topics we've covered. Often it's my career and my self-image, sometimes it's my kids and my temper, and the rest of the time it's GDesire and my perceptions of the moms I see out and about with their kids.

I hear the voice of my eldest, the sweetest sound in the world - he just came in from outside. Upswelling of love as I hear him talk and observe and comment and ponder. The more I think positively about my two kids, and my wonderful DH, the happier I feel. Most other topics bring some sort of stress with them right now. If I could live in a happy bubble with my little family......well I'll do that this weekend and just try to enjoy it fully. Job stress and HT stress - begone! :)