Oh that was a painful blog post to lose, first one I've ever lost. I won't be able to re-create, so will write a few lines quickly. After recording this journey for so long, I'd be amiss not to even try to capture my feelings tonight.

~3 years ago I first thought about HT. Eighteen months ago started researching in earnest. Fourteen months ago had my first consult. 9 months ago started first ER meds. 5 months ago got PGD results.

And now I'm having a FET, and it's tomorrow.

It feels hard to believe this is where I am. It's almost like the past is a dream. Did I really inject all those meds? Did I really convince DH to do this, and try for a 3rd, when he probably would've stopped after our first child? Did I really do this?

I feel closer to normal than I thought I would. Maybe b/c I'm really just thinking about tomorrow. Still step by step, the only strategy I've found to slightly help with self-preservation.

I have had flashes of a hospital bassinet with a certain-colored baby card. And I did look up what a due date could be. That's as far as I can possibly imagine. And any part of my 'hope' is still focused on what I could learn in less than a week.

HT is difficult for many reasons, one of which is its binary nature. Respond or don't. Normals or not. DG normals or not. BFP or BFN. Healthy HB or not. I'm at one of the big cross-roads, and I thought I'd be more nervous but it's more like suspended animation. Emotions slightly disconnected.

Next step: sleep. Then wake/kids and work. Then to the doctor. Hoping for good dreams tonight.