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Sometimes GD/GDe is not the root of the problem
by
, January 25th, 2015 at 03:32 PM (2816 Views)
This GD/GDe world we live in is one of high highs and low lows….the 'middle' doesn't seem to exist. And those low lows can bring terrible suffering, as we all know. I was off gender sites for a while taking care of the rest of my life and wanted to share what I found helped. The GDe crusade - including the repetitive crusade of HT - allowed me to mask other issues, but that only works for so long.
Things I changed:
- Got a new job that's better for me. This took a year to make happen and it's not perfect but nothing ever will be. One positive of work is that it keeps my obsessive side (hello GDe) from taking over my life. If I'm going to obsess/ruminate/over-focus on something, let me at least be paid for it.
- Prioritizing sleep....GDe is so much worse without sleep, and as hard as I know it can be for us moms to put sleep first, for me it's the lever on which my outlook on life depends
- Disabled my Facebook account. It was a habit that NEVER made me happy and exacerbated my GDe terribly. When I left, people didn't notice, ask or care…if they had, I would've just said I have no time for it. After many months the drug is gone from my system, and I never think of it now. One of the best things I've done for my sanity and I strongly encourage it.
- I'd already been seeing a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT) as some of you know from an older blog
- Began practicing mindfulness, and I think it could be a revelation in my life. Among the problems with GD/GDe is we're convinced our lives will be better/perfect if we can just get this one piece of the picture in place, and without it, we're unhappy. Mindfulness teaches us to accept ourselves with loving kindness, experience Right Now, and not avoid our fears or frustrations. I'm a newbie at it, but it's like physical exercise - it takes practice to see results.
For those that know my history, I have not transferred. I have no date for a transfer. I will someday, some day this year, but I have more work to do first. The answer to my happiness can not be that transfer, as its outcome is the flip of a coin.
I believe I'm not the only one on here suffering for reasons beyond GD/GDe, and focusing on those reasons can be very important no matter - or despite of - your HT or swaying outcome.