Typical...

[Kittybear]

All my boy NCT mummy friends from when I had DS 1 have gotten preggie again. All team green. 2 just had their little girls (not swaying) I of course had my beautiful DS2 (sway opposite). The last lady is due in Feb and I bet she also has a girl, because that really would be hilarious, wouldn't it?! Except I don't quite feel like laughing...

All my 'boy first' mummy friends have either got their pp or are pregnant and I bet they will get their pp (not just my NCT mummy friends, but all of them) except 1 but she's moved miles away, and she also had the 'aren't you disappointed?' Comments when she announced her 2nd son, and she doesn't have GD and has no idea how I feel. I feel so worried that I'm going to be left behind (rediculous I know), like I'm now excluded from the club as I'm not a girl mum.

I'm so sorry for the self indulgent post, just struggling a bit this morning and poor DH has heard it all before so didn't have anywhere else to offload. I'm now just waiting for the 'well you'll have to try again for your girl' jokes, that I know are not meant, but still sting so badly. I wouldn't swap my boys for anything, I just wish that I knew my DD was out there somewhere waiting for me....

Xx

[luckyfourleafclover]

Kitty bear - I know exactly how you feel and I am sending you hugs. You must not apologise and you are not being self indulgent.

Loads of my friends have the perfect PP, and it stings the most when it's boy first.

I find I am much more relaxed socialising with all boy mum's, as I know those comments won't enter into the conversation. I am lucky enough to have quite a few all boy mum friends, but none of them have GD, or admit to it anyway!

I did find though that after my DS2 was born I no longer felt so jealous of the boy first PP's, as I wouldn't ever 'swap ' my DS2 for a girl….my jealousy became more focused on B, B, G families as that is now what I can relate to, and see as perfect.

I had to go to a charity event at my kids school last night and was sat next to a pregnant lady who's son goes to the nursery. She said ''…and this one is a girl, so we are delighted about that". My DH could see that it stung me, but I managed to hide it well.

I think the key is to realise that you WILL be bombarded by hurtful comments, sometimes it feels like on a daily basis. And you WILL hear comments from girl mums about girls that hurt too. I just try and block them out, or have my standard reply ready - it's easier to deal with the comments if you are expecting them and prepared.

[2boysJustOneGirl]

Kitty bear I share your same fear. I am so far the only boy mom. All others have a PP or just girls. There is one woman in my group left, she has a baby boy and is planning another soon. If she has a girl I strongly feel like I will want to move, start over. I just can't imagine living my life feeling so much like an outsider. I figure if we move I can find some boy moms that I can be friends with as most social events leave me wounded from all the daughter talk. And it's always the PP moms that damage me!

Although I think I inflict a lot of my own grief. I can't help but hate these moms because they get to be GD free. They don't have to experience all this emotional distress, they just got their perfect little family while GD has ruined days, weeks, of my life. They got their girl without having to go through the physical and emotional turmoil of swaying or HT. Leaves me very bitter and as a true middle child, I have this unrelenting feeling that life is so unfair.

I understand your grief. Chin up.



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[sweetdream]

When I had DS2 there were 4 DD Born in the same time. In the same group. I was the only one with a DS.
And there it was the comment; O how lovely all these lovely girls together!!!

And the look on my face made the comment go to; but little boys are lovely too! You know what I mean right.

Straight in to my heart. I hope one day I forget all these comments( they were not ment to hurt me, but they did. Partially due to myself)

I'm baking my little girl as we speak. (Got An amazing DS3 after the comment)
And if you sway again there is a high chance of a DD out there for you too.

[atomic sagebrush]

That is the one thing that still bugs me sometimes, is how easily it seems to happen for people who already seem to have everything in the world and it took me over 20 years, 4 sons, years of research to get one girl and I prob. won't even live to enjoy her as much as I could have had she come sooner. :/

[KidAtHeart]

Yes, atomic I agree w you. I was not down w having a big family. I come from a family of five. I was ok w three but four was 'only got the girl'. I'm older too and it makes me sad that I won't be able to help her out w her own children the way I'd like. But on the other hand, I get a lot of street cred this way! 😄

[princessCharlotte]

i feel u. my besties got preg one after another and they all have PP (B then G) except me with two boys. I got emo these few days as I have been asking to go for #3 asap for a girl. Worst comment I just had was, "if #3 is a son again then u better close shop!"

[atomic sagebrush]

^^^^ yes I got almost that exact same comment. When I got my 4th boy this neighbor woman said "Well, you're done then. You're done." And I was thinking, lady, who the HELL are you to tell me what I should or shouldn't do with my own life and VJ.

[True Blue]

I don't get people's NEED to comment, it's as if they have to comment but more than anything why so negative? It is hurtful and we seem to hold on to how it makes us feel. I never forget comments.

[XXforhubby]

I can totally relate! I have two, AWESOME boys, and we are swaying for a girl. DH showed me this site and encouraged me to follow Atomic's sage advice. We don't dare tell anyone we are trying, because after DS2 was born everyone said, "Well you know you should just stop with two, because you are obviously in the business of having boys!" Really? What if we want a houseful of boys? Is that so bad? What if we DO want a girl? I want to say, "It's none of your f$&@!ing business what we choose in regards to family planning!"


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