For those of you with three boys wanting a girl...

[The Anchor]

Hallejulah Kid...we've all thought it and you managed to get it in words.

[odd]

One of the Best posts I've ever read... Thank u so much..

[MyByC]

Right to the point!
I totally agree!
...some (most of us here) cant live with the idea "I had the chance but didnt do it"...it sounds selfish!..mothers do sacrifice (time, beauty, family?). It is indeed, hard!
I find it hard with 1, I cant imagine with 4.
I admire all of you mommies with more then 3 kids.
My brave moms!

[Peebell85]

I totally agree with this post! I really wanted a girl and when I found out my second was a boy, I instantly started thinking about having a third, but I was thinking emotionally and very irrationally. Fpr us to have a third we would need a new house and cars as well, which would mean pressure on my husband to work more and probably me having to work more as well, and to me that is not worth it... Putting strain on the entire family fornthe sake of me hoping to get a girl, which isnt guaranteed anyway.

Thanks for this post! Really needed to read so ething like this, rather than the grass is always greener... Because oftentimes its not!

[Beans626]

Thank you so much for your post and your honesty for your new journey. I still am struggling with very hard GD and desire. I really went through most of my 20's thinking I didn't want children at all. I was pretty certain about it. Then, an accident with my then husband made me change my mind. I then went to ONLY wanting one (I am an only child). I wanted HER to be a GIRL. Wow - how shocked and appalled I was when I found out SHE was a HE. OMG, I had horrible GD and went to a psychologist and everything. Of course he had no clue and just marked it down as "un unwanted pregnancy". How wrong he was. The moment they placed my son in my arms all the bad feelings went away and I couldn't imagine a world without him. I still can't.

Then, my marriage ended in divorce and low and behold I had been so frightened of another child - especially a boy - and HE didn't want ANY kids at all (not even our son) that I had my tubes tied at the SAME TIME I had my first and only son. So, then I go through years of baby blues all together. Because I then found out being a mother was wonderful and everything I had no idea about and it was fabulous. Yet, I couldn't have another. Then, my high-school sweetheart and I reunited in a fairytale romance that led to where we are now. We saved and had tubal reversal surgery for the chance at us having more kids together. That's what we both wanted. If we wanted only ONE we would have done IVF and gone for the girl and been done with it. So, GD again struck when I found out it was another boy. Ugh. And again, the horrible feelings disappeared as soon as he was placed in my arms. I have NEVER regretted having him and he and I have the closest bond ever. Now, keep in mind my DH has a son from his first marriage, so we together have three boys (mine, his, and ours - and we love them all - each one). But, we both have a longing for more, specifically a girl.

I have found out I have low ovarian reserve (probably because I never used the damn eggs until I was 30 and now they are all gone) and our chances of having ANY other children will be tough. A year on our own has only led to a miscarriage and lots of hurt. Now we are one IUI down, and halfway through another one and are not sure if this will work. Having the third was easy because the middle son is 7.5 years older than him. I have never had kids close in age. Now that the baby is 2 and we are officially in the "banned from sit-down restaurants" phase of toddler-hood, I often wonder if we should just stop while we are ahead. But, we built a home two years ago planning on more children. So now we have two empty bedrooms awaiting the bustleing noise of babies and children. We had planned for a big family. We drive a Suburban. We do financially pretty well. All of these things I am eternally grateful for and know that I am blessed beyond belief for what I have.

I KNOW the infant years will be tough with another one. I know we will be almost 60 when they graduate high school. (Yea, that's a tough one to chew on) In fact, I have always said that if 16 year olds gave birth to toddlers instead of babies the teen pregnancy rate would drop to zero. Babies are cute and their smell is beyond addicting. Toddlers, on the other hand, make you realize why there are condoms and sitters so you can have a normal conversation without having to use the phrase "don't put that in your mouth" while going through more napkins than you ever thought possible. But, the thought of how my heart will ache without another child (or a girl) is far worse than what I "think" my fear is about being exhausted, having too many children, having people give us grief over having more, the rude comments my mother makes about not needing any more kids, or how rough I KNOW the toddler years are. I just have a NEED to fulfill and I do not know if I will ever get over it. We have already made plans to find a large group of donor embryos similar to our complexion and have the batch PGD tested for the "hope" of getting a girl and having her implant in the event we do not get pregnant with a girl or we are unable to go HT and get a girl of our own. It is that strong of a need.

I should be most thankful for my husband who is willing and wants to have more. HE is the one who stays home with them, raises them while I am gone, runs the errands, does the grocery shopping, does the doctor and dental appointments, etc. I am the one who gets to go to work and have normal adult conversations and solve "adult" problems each day. Which, when the baby was a baby I was jealous of him, now that he is a toddler I am thankful from the break of trying to get him to sleep in his own bed and begging him to just TRY the bite of food, or picking up toys all over the house for the tenth time that day. He has the patience that I do not have for day-in-day-out of three boys. And the thought of him wanting more with me because he loves me and loves our family makes me trust that more children is for us. And knowing that we can go to donor embryos, have PGD testing to get a girl, allows me a bit of breathing room in case we do get pregnant on our own and if I have another boy. Now, oddly enough as bad as my desire is for a girl, I love twins, have always wanted twins - but suprisingly my ideal set of twins is one boy and one girl. I would LOVE to complete our family with B/G twins.

Anyway, I agree - choices for more or another child is definitely not going to change anything other than being able to have both genders. Life and daily struggles will still be there and there will be more stress added by every person added to the family. It is up to us to decide what we are happy with and how much stress vs. happiness we can successfully handle. It is up to each of us to be happy and no one (not even that perfect gender) can do that for us. Thank you for reminding us of the trials and tribulations that follow infancy and thank all of you if you are still reading my post!

[atomic sagebrush]

We'll also be 60 when our daughter turns 18. You're not alone there!!

[1+2+3boys]

Wow, thanks for sharing Beans!

[debby]

I agree on every single word, it's just what happen to me with my kids !!

[peonymama]

That is all so true! Some days I would love a 4th but I just think how tired I would be, lol.

[atomic sagebrush]

I'm glad this got bumped up!

I have to say since I wrote my original response, things are easier and I do feel a little bit like there is more of a light at the end of a tunnel. They DO grow up eventually and while it's hard when they're small, they won't always be that way and when that happens, I think the rewards are SO great that all this hard stuff will have faded into the background and all that remains is the joy and pride and amazement that these fantastic individuals came from you somehow!!!