Moms of 4 of a kind - how bad was GD with #4?

[atomic sagebrush]

I think GD is alot more common of mothers with boys than girls. I don't think i would feel as empty so to speak if i had all girls. Part of me wants to try for the 5th and a part of me doesn't. Im just not sure about this swaying part im all over the place.


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I am not sure that this is true, I had a strong gender desire for a son with my first but was just lucky enough to get him. Was thrilled when DS 2 was a boy too. I always got along better with men than women and I love being a boy mom, I was just greedy and wanted a girl too.

[srg09cag11]

I think GD is alot more common of mothers with boys than girls. I don't think i would feel as empty so to speak if i had all girls. Part of me wants to try for the 5th and a part of me doesn't. Im just not sure about this swaying part im all over the place.


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I completely disagree with this. When I was pregnant with DD1, I really hoped for a boy. She wasn't, but I knew we would have 2-3 more kids. When I found out DD2 was a girl, I was disappointed for a week or so, but again, I knew that we'd have another chance. My lost baby, the son I'd always hoped for, was devastating. With currently cooking DD3, the gender disappointment is extreme, even now, two months after I found out. I continue to pray for a miracle surprise at birth, even though the logic part of my brain knows better.

[netti02]

Its just my opinion. Is there any info on this site how many are swaying pink or blue?

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[maidentomother]

netti, I do think there are many more women who would prefer all girls to all boys. I believe a majority of women feel a stronger need for a daughter vs a son. But I don't think that GD for one gender vs the other is stronger. You can never truly know how another feels and many mothers of just daughters have had a preference if not intense desire for sons from the beginning. And I definitely think boy moms are more likely to be vocal as XX pointed out.

Still, it's undeniable thst in Western culture, there is a strong preference for girls and has been for a while, basically since feminism started making strides. In other cultures boys remain preferred as they have been for centuries if not millenia. So your cultural background makes all the difference. Though I suspect that in cultures with a strong boy preference, girls would be much more wanted if women had more rights and were more empowered.

[atomic sagebrush]

Its just my opinion. Is there any info on this site how many are swaying pink or blue?

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No one's trying to prevent you from having or sharing your opinion, it's just that it can be very hurtful to moms who do want boys to hear that. It also makes me feel protective towards my first two sons who are absolutely amazing, because ~I personally~ would not feel any more fulfilled with all girls, I just wanted to have the experience of raising a daughter. It is fine if you feel that way, but it's fine for others to feel differently too. Everyone's feelings are worthy of respect and we all go through GD differently. Some have it with their first and all children, others of us don't, and we're all here to share our experiences and get acceptance and support.

The numbers on the site of who is swaying doesn't tell us about the number of moms who want girls vs. boys. It doesn't matter at all whatsoever if there are precisely 50-50, gender disappointment and desire sucks no matter if you want a boy or a girl. It's not a competition.

[atomic sagebrush]

netti, I do think there are many more women who would prefer all girls to all boys. I believe a majority of women feel a stronger need for a daughter vs a son. But I don't think that GD for one gender vs the other is stronger. You can never truly know how another feels and many mothers of just daughters have had a preference if not intense desire for sons from the beginning. And I definitely think boy moms are more likely to be vocal as XX pointed out.

Still, it's undeniable thst in Western culture, there is a strong preference for girls and has been for a while, basically since feminism started making strides. In other cultures boys remain preferred as they have been for centuries if not millenia. So your cultural background makes all the difference. Though I suspect that in cultures with a strong boy preference, girls would be much more wanted if women had more rights and were more empowered.

I know that's the conventional wisdom but I do want to take the opportunity to mention that ~personally~ I wanted a boy because I didn't get along as well with other women at that point in my life and always felt a lot more of a connection with men until probably the past 10 years or so. Had nothing to do with my culture at all whatsoever. I know that there are quite a few of us out there who want(ed) boys for our own individual reasons and it sort of rubs the wrong way when everyone assumes that there is some sort of sexist brainwashing going on. JMO

I also have about 60-40 boys vs. girls from parents in Middle Eastern/Asian countries and of Asian heritage - there are a lot of these families who want daughters around the world and so the idea that people of certain cultures do not value their daughters and only want boys isn't true really so I always like to mention that whenever the topic comes up.

[maidentomother]

I was just talking about major trends. I have no doubt plenty of moms, and dads too, want girls in boy-preferred cultures.

As for women wanting dsughters...I personally think that there is a biological aspect to it, though definitely a social one too. Brainwashing certainly plays a part but isn't necessarily the biggest factor IMO. And while there are myriad reasons for wanting one gender over another, again I'm speaking generally. And I also think that even though a majority of women in Western cultures prefer/desire a girl, I think it's usually not extreme as so many of the cases here. I'm not sure that most women would sway even if they knew about it.

I definitely didn't intend to imply that wanting a boy/s is weird or unnatural. I have had more male friends, especially close ones, for most of my adult life and had very few friends as a child, other girls were awful to me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a gay man in a woman's body. So I understand your perspective. I think my response to our similar histories is just opposite, but our motivations not too different if that makes sense. I want girls bc of the mother/daughter and childhood female relationships I missed out on and want to recreate/do properly. You wanted to maintain the good relationships you'd had with males, from what I understand. Please correct or elaborate if I'm off base!

[netti02]

Thats how i feel now about wanting that mother/daughter relationship. I get along with my mum but i don't feel im close with her. Im the youngest of 4 and i just feel that when i got older she distanced herself. She did go through some things and that is likely the reason but i think its certainly made that feeling alot stronger for me. I do cherish my nieces though so i feel priviledged that i have that connection. I just never envisioned i would have 4 boys 😂

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[maidentomother]

My mum was a full blown psychotic and incapable of close relationships so I understand!

[LacePrincess]

My mum was a full blown psychotic and incapable of close relationships so I understand!

And mine is a narcissistic personality disorder who I've cut off all contact with for 3+ years now.....and I'm pretty sure a big part of my GD is my drive to have a functional mother/daughter relationship in my life.