SIL is having a girl

[Claire33]

I am pretty close to my brother and SIL. Now they are having their first child and I've been so happy about it, as I will be an aunt for the first time! My SIL has been clear that she would like a girl, although she would be pleased with a boy too. I thought I saw a boy nub on the 12 week US, so I assumed it would be a boy. But now it turns out that they are having a girl. I am struggling with this to be very honest. I am very much looking forward to being an aunt for the first time, but I find it so difficult so accept that they got what they wanted on the first try! And here I am having experienced GD 3 times and am feeling absolutely overwhelmed with 3 kids, and they just make a girl as if it's nothing!

I want to do HT, but it might not work (I'm getting older) and I don't know if I can handle 4 kids anyway, 3 is already too much at the moment. So, I'm pretty sad and jealous. It doesn't help that I have PMS at the moment either, as I tend to get a little depressed around AF. I hope I can just love this little girl and be a wonderful auntie to her. I just wish that it was me having a that girl. The only positive thing about this is if I do get a HT girl, she will have a girl cousin. But I have the feeling that HT won't work for me anyway, and I'm doomed to suffer from this horrible GD for the rest of my life....

[Luvmyboys]

I'm sorry. I know how you feel.

I've tried HT twice and it has not worked for me.

[Claire33]

'm sorry HT didn't work for you. Will you try HT again? Or sway? Where did you do HT and how did it not work? Did you get any XX embies?

[Claire33]

Does anyone else have any good advice for me? Or personal experiences?

[hotdogz&boyz]

For the first thing, your feelings are entirely normal. Heck, Atomic even has said that she still gets jealous/irritated when someone gets exactly what they want, exactly when they want it...since she had to work so hard to get one of what she wanted (and it "took" five "tries", not one!). And I get that too. I just had a friend announce a pigeon pair last week and was like "oh, of course, she gets exactly what she wanted...twice!" It's like a kick to the gut to us, who had to research and change our diets, and even pay money just to do what some folks can do with literally NO effort. And that stinks.

And it might be hard through the pregnancy. Especially because I *think* people tend to fawn over a girl before birth more than a boy (prolly the pink crap in droves that they offer). So that might really test your emotions. But, I think it's okay to be "busy" for her baby shower and take her to a private lunch instead. It's okay to not want to discuss girl names or decor, just say you'd love to hear about her birth plans or new gear instead.

But, ill bet, you'll be a great aunt to her. She will be your niece, not exactly your daughter and while dresses might still make you cringe internally, you still want YOUR daughter and she won't be that. So I bet you do just fine. I have several cousins who had girls while I desired one (and had boys), but I was able to see them as little cousins whom I loved, not my own daughter who I so desired. And I never found it too hard jealousy-wise when we were with them (although I did look pretty longingly at their ruffle jeans).

Once it sinks in, you might feel a bit better. And hopefully SIL is good about not speaking negatively about boys or making comments about getting what she wanted. I have a preggo cousin right now who us driving me nuts. She "only" wants a girl. Not a boy at all. And I feel that it is so rude to talk like that. Preference is fine, but a first baby and she doesn't want a boy. It makes me feel like my boys are worth nothing to her. Ill be annoyed if she has a girl. And she will be annoying about it. Especially if she has a girl and I have another boy.

[Adia]

Its funny but it doesn't seem to matter who it is, it still gets to me when people get exactly what they order. It makes me cringe.
I have to talk myself through the process of, "just because they got the gender of the child they ordered doesn't mean they get any other guarantee such as health, safety, etc."

Sad that I still have to talk myself through that but it is getting easier as I get older.

Big hugs, I totally understand.

Out of my married siblings 4 of us have kids. All of us have single gender families except that one spoiled bratty SIL. She ordered BBGG and what do you know? She got it! I can't even imagine!
That is a *little* easier to handle than DH side..of his 6 siblings and him, we are the only family who has yet to produce a son "to carry on the family name" and yes, I hear about it. MIL has made it clear that I have failed....its all just a lovely little nightmare sometimes....

[Claire33]

Thanks ladies! I'm still struggling at the moment, also because my mom is so pleased she'll get her first granddaughter and she says "A girl suits them", as if a girl wouldn't suit me...??!! Aarrrggh! I hope they get a boy next time around, as I'm sure my brother would love a son. It isn't fair when people get just as they and (the rest of the world) "ordered".

Hugs to you all ladies, we're all struggling the same struggle, we are not alone!

[WannaGirl]

All my close friends have a daughter, either their 1st or 2nd child. They are all like we didnt mind what we have...We have just done one cycle HT and I'm waiting for blood test & results in 3 days but Frer has said neg for last 3 days and now grieving already. I don't want to go through it again for the cost but my GD and desire is that strong I will probably go overseas again to try 😥
I feel your pain, all the best if u decide for next year, I can put up with all the extra washing housework of 4 kids as long as my GD is cured as I can't see how it can go without a daughter.

[Peebell85]

Three of my froends are pregnant with girls. It hurts. I hate that I feel jealousy about it. I know I'm going to love my boy, but I feel like I would have been a lot more excited about this pregnancy if it were a girl. I feel like the worlds worst mum.