need some support please.

[jen75]

Hi Ladies,
I need some support as i am really struggling with DS4. My others are 18, 15, and 11 and i cannot believe that i am here again with yet another boy. I am sure some of it is down to tiredness, but i do find the men in my life are just not as organised or even as capable as the women folk and i am tired of babysitting DH as well as the 4 others. Its not that hes not willing and loving but just so accident prone and with no memory so everything falls to me and i just wanted a strong capable woman as i am the only female it gets so wearing. its hard to be positive especially when i am an only daughter of an only daughter and so i have no female relatives, my dad has a brother who has 2 children my cousins, who of course have had a girl each first time round just before i had ds4 and my DH's sister is expecting her first in Jan and of course its a girl too. Yet again i am going to be surrounded by girls and expected to be happy with my lot. I had a job to even speak to my cousin at my DS4's christening and i know i will not be attending any family events this Christmas again as its just too hard to hold back the tears so its better that i don't go at all. It seems so unfair that i could get pregnant tomorrow and get an abortion if it was another boy ( I would not do this by the way), but i am not allowed to choose to only have a girl in this country especially after 4 boys and 4 c sections. We are struggling for money and so hi tec seems to be out and there are just no guarantees and i am 39 next week so time is running out. I feel so guilty and disappointed when i look at DS4, who i do love, its such a mixed emotion. i just want to feel happy and settled. I have struggled with GD for over half my life now and its getting worse. I have been for counselling and therapy, but no one can change things so none of it has really helped. DH says i am such a grumpy and angry person since DS4 about everything, which is true because i cannot really rail about what is really upsetting me and even if i do what can anyone do about it. I feel i have been cheated out of 50% of mother hood and it was the 50% that i was most looking forward to. I am sick of trousers and t shirts and i cannot even bring myself to be happy when people buy DS4 clothes, i just think i have loads he does not need any more of the same boring stuff. It is not helped by the fact that i look after 3 little girls who are so girly, i would quit but we need the money, as soon as i can find something else i will though. I just want to feel better and not cry all the time, why does it have to be so unfair and why have i been denied the one thing i have wanted all my life. I never wanted both sexes only a girl and if i had had 4 girls i know i would have been happy with that, it just seems like a punishment. I feel very guilty confessing that as the boys are lovely and i do love them all dearly, but the sadness i feel is overwhelming. I am hoping you lovely ladies will be able to send me some cyber support and help me through this. its great that you are all here and we have a safe place to confess how we are really feeling.
thanks for reading my long and self pitting rant.

[Dreamofpink]

Jen, I'm so sorry that you're feeling so overwhelmed by GD. I totally understand & that feeling of being powerless to change things as they are is horrible too. I wouldn't swap my children, but I do wonder how things would've been had I had two girls. I really wanted 4 anyway, but probably would've found it easier to stop without a boy. Crazy really, as I know now how ace little boys are. I always dreamed of 2 of each, but now I'd settle for just one little girl of my own. I hate GD and know it won't go away. However, HT is totally out of the picture for us too. Would you consider looking into adoption at all? Babies are hard work, there's no doubt about it. I hope you can find peace, is no 5 a possibilty at all? ((Hugs))

Sent from my LG-E400 using Tapatalk 2

[Adia]

Big hugs Jen....& prayers that you will find a way out of this despair.

[2boysJustOneGirl]

Although I don't have 4 boys, with my 2 I can relate to how you must feel. It's hard and it sucks and it really isn't fair at all. I am not sure what to say actually other than that. Just remember you aren't alone.

[jen75]

thanks ladies. xxxxxx

[Kazmac]

I can relate totally to what you are saying. I'm pregnant with DS2 and can't even bare to go shopping for clothes or anything for him. Why spend the money on more jeans and t shirts that are all the same, when he can have my first son's clothes anyway. I went into Mama's and Papa's and made a very big mistake of looking at baby girl clothes and burst into tears in the shop!!! I don't know why i put myself through that. I'm now 24 weeks and still completely miserable and not excited at all by this pregnancy. All of my friends have just had girls as well and I can't bring myself to buy them a present as I know it will be upsetting. You hit the nail on the head when you say you feel like you have been robbed of 50% of motherhood; the good bit. I feel exactly the same. the grumpiness everything.
If nothing else you are not the only one and I totally relate and empathise with everything you have said.

[jen75]

thanks for your posts, its good to know i am not alone. i try to take some pleasure in seeing ds4 in some of the clothes from his brothers and i do not go shopping anymore because of the girl stuff always placed at the entrances. i shop on line for everything and that helps me remain in control. i am thinking of trying hi tec again, but 5 c sections is a huge risk but GD will not leave me. i hope things are getting better for you. if at all possible think seriously about hi tec and take comfort that mother nature is kind in the fact that even though he is another boy the love for him will come when you meet him. sending you lots and lots of love. xxxxxxx

[2boysJustOneGirl]

I can relate totally to what you are saying. I'm pregnant with DS2 and can't even bare to go shopping for clothes or anything for him. Why spend the money on more jeans and t shirts that are all the same, when he can have my first son's clothes anyway. I went into Mama's and Papa's and made a very big mistake of looking at baby girl clothes and burst into tears in the shop!!! I don't know why i put myself through that. I'm now 24 weeks and still completely miserable and not excited at all by this pregnancy. All of my friends have just had girls as well and I can't bring myself to buy them a present as I know it will be upsetting. You hit the nail on the head when you say you feel like you have been robbed of 50% of motherhood; the good bit. I feel exactly the same. the grumpiness everything.
If nothing else you are not the only one and I totally relate and empathise with everything you have said.

I felt the same way when I was pregnant with DS2. I still won't buy anything "girly" for my friends who have girls or celebrate their girls birthdays with anything pink or girly. I just refuse!!!! I am still bitter about the deal I got and I know how you feel. I think it's only fair to have these feelings after having endured what we have. It's tough and it stings. I will say now that my DS2 is here and we have bonded, I couldn't and wouldn't trade him for anything. That's the prize in gender disappointment...a love for your child that you cannot imagine living without.

It gets easier.