It's just not possible....

[Adia]

I finally got to see baby bean on an ultrasound last Wednesday. It was a massive relief to see a heart beat at 8 weeks when 2yrs ago all we found was an empty sac at 8 weeks. I am starting to allow myself to believe that this may be a viable healthy pregnancy.

Although, as I predicted, the gender paranoia has kicked in. I am super busy with the end of the semester and all the fun that accompanies Fall and the holidays, but in those quiet moments when I am alone....I start to panic. It is a deep and aching panic that i haven't felt before.

I was so convinced DD3 was a boy that I didn't even worry about having another girl. I was so crushed at her gender ultrasound. I simply can't experience that again. I know I can get over another girl and end up loving her to pieces....

The thought of doing the Panorama, Harmony, Materniti, etc tests sends me into a tailspin. Even looking on Amazon reviews for those lame ass "gender prediciton" kits (that we all know don't work) makes me start to almost hyperventilate. I don't know if I will have another scan before 15 weeks so the pros on here can start guessing by the skull and nub...I can only hope for that to ease me into either gender. I really want to book an elective scan at 15 weeks but I almost can't. DH and I were discussing that the other day. We agreed that it would just be me or just the 2 of us, but I know I will have a strong emotional reaction either way.

I need to know the gender, I really need to know the gender, either way, but I am starting to think I can't handle to process of finding out. I know a great deal of this panic is because I have been dreaming, hoping, trying for a boy for so many years. DD3 is almost 6.5yrs old and I have hoped/dreamed/prayed for a boy for that many years and then some. DH really wants a boy and always has. The idea that I might have to give up something I have held onto for SO long and disappoint DH....is just more than I can handle.

Any input, advice, or sympathy is greatly appreciated.

[jmomof3girls]

I so get you! I'm nervous and I'm not even trying yet. I also have 3 girls and #4 will be my last. I can't wait to get your update. My fingers are crossed for you!

[Adia]

Thanks Jana....I just don't know how I can book a scan or have a blood test and still function while waiting for the results or the scan.

If I book a scan I will not be a functional adult as the day gets closer. If I have a blood test I will lose my mind every time the phone rings....I know myself.

[jmomof3girls]

Adia, I would feel the same way. You're not alone in those feelings! I'm nervous for you.

[Adia]

Thanks Jana...that helps tremendously.

[jmomof3girls]

You're welcome. I'm looking forward to your update!

[AKMommy]

Could you have hubby book a scan and not tell you when it is? Would that make it worse? For me it would be better. I'd just tell him a 2 week date range to schedule it. I'd also think about having the doc write it down on a paper and seal it. That way you can find out with just hubby in a private setting.
Are you a teacher? Maybe it could be after school/class hours, so you don't need a sub.

My youngest boy is about 6.5 too. I was also convinced he was a girl and was crushed when I found out he was another boy. I was in denial until his birth. Now, he's crazy. Lol. The wildest boy we've got.


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[Adia]

Thank you so much AKMommy & congrats on your twin girls!

I posted my worries in my in my Due Date forum & they helped me decide that the best approach for me is to have a scan at 13 weeks & then have the ladies on here guess the gender by the skull & nub theory. I'll get confirmation of the guesses at my 18 weeks scan. Their are some very good guessers on here!!!

For some reason I just can't handle the thought of a gender bomb drop date. I think I can handle the guesses of friends on Gender Dreaming because I know all of you understand gender disappointment/desire.

DH says my plan makes no sense at all, but he's happy to play along. Honestly, it is the only plan that doesn't make me start to have a panic attack when I think about it.

[jmomof3girls]

It sounds like a great plan to me. Although, I can see where it would sound weird to someone other than us! LOL

[1+2+3boys]

Gosh, thinking of you Adia. It must be agonising. I so hope it is a boy for you