Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 22
  1. #1
    Big Dreamer

    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    308
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0

    Does it feel better? I feel so overwhelmed :(

    I have a DD, my first child, and I always had it pictured in my mind that I will have two girls, only it did not happen that way and I had a beautiful, healthy boy.

    It was a shock and I had councelling after I found out. I was pregnant at the time, feeling very hormonal and the fact that I never had my dad around (parents divorced before I was born) and a bad relationship with older brother made me dread having my baby and cry for hours. Now at times I feel so sad for my little boy, even for my girl as this lost "dream" preoccupies me sometimes and I wish I were more present for them.

    My boy is gorgeous and so well-behaved and I did connect with him and I do enjoy him when I am with people that actually see beyond the sex and only see his baby qualities and character.

    But there are moments, like this week, that I have flashbacks and remember my pain, the dream second daughter that never happened and I cry. DH does not understand me and he was very upset when I was sad for my baby's gender so I do not feel I can share this with him.

    A friend that confided in me she did not want a boy at all and only two girls, just had her second daughter and I was sad when I found out, because I did not have the same luck. It's cruel to not feel happy people got their dream, I know, but I feel I did not and I mourn.

    If I knew I will have a third child and she will be a daughter, then I will be the happiest, but knowing
    that may not be an option and I could end up with two boys makes me upset and sad.

    Will it ever get better? I want to love my boy, he deserves it and he is such a good baby, it is unbelievable and I want to be good to my daughter. It's crazy, but sometimes I think she reminds me of what I "lost" by being different to DS and I want to mourn more.

    Will it ever get easier? What can I do to surpass this?

    Mama in mourning

  2. #2
    Banned

    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    154
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    Sigh, well as a mom of two boys these kind of posts from women who don't even want one boy really hurt my heart but I understand the loss of a dream. And that's what you are grieving is the dream you had imagined for your life.

    For me it's gotten a little better after the post partum hormones subsided. I don't know how old your baby is but if he is under a year you are still in the thick of it.

    I guess maybe you could think of how much fun it will be for your husband to have a son. That might make you feel better. Maybe his dream was to always have a boy. Even if he may or may not have admitted it, since your dream family was 2 girls.

  3. Thanks Dreamsplanner, lemonade thanked for this post
    Likes Dreamofpink, Kittybear, Sunbuny, subban liked this post
  4. #3
    Dream Vet
    Adia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Neverland
    Posts
    1,319
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    I understand your sadness and I don't think you are a bad person for wanting two girls and being disappointed that you didn't get another girl.

    However, your DD and your DH may have really wanted a boy.

    Even though we have our desires as mums, its important to take into consideration that our DH and other children have their preferences too.

    Maybe you could absorb some of the joy that DD and DH have. Your DD only has one sibling and he probably means a lot to her, and most men would love a little boy after themselves.

    In time most of us who have lived with gender disappointment/desire have learned to separate our love for our child that was born in the disappointment with our desire for the other gender.

    Again, its perfectly understandable that you wanted another girl, just remember that another girl is still possible. Even though you have a boy another girl is not impossible. Just more love to go around if you do have DD2.


    My Gender Dreaming

  5. Thanks Dreamsplanner thanked for this post
    Likes Kittybear liked this post
  6. #4
    Big Dreamer

    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    308
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    Thank you pink bean and Adia!

    Yes my little one is 7.5 months so still a baby and lately I have not been sleeping well, which contributes to my mood.
    DH kindly offered to care for DS overnight so I feel better today after a better sleep.

    It is hard as DH said whatever the gender he would have been happy and he always says good things about whatever the situation so I do not really know if he craved for a DS. He gets on so well with DD too and I know he loves her to bits, so it is hard to know what he means. He does say though that since finding out we will have a boy, he started thinking of all the things he could teach him with DIY and garden projects and he feels excited about it which is nice.

    DD is only 2.5 so I do not know what she would prefer, we did not ask that, but I know she is sweet to her little brother and I started thinking what a tomboy I used to be and aside from a girl cousin, who was my best friend, I was very good friends at elementary school with a boy cousin next door, we were inseparable. And now that I live abroad, I always have a special bond with him whenever I visit and like to chat, so I would hope DD will have this special bond with her brother.

    I plan to try my pink sway and purchase a plan in late autumn, so that DS will be at least 18 months before TTC again, I hope by then I will be stronger and decided that this time I will do anything to have a stress free life so that I will enjoy the process. I only have to sweeten up DH to start liking the idea

    I hope these feelings will disappear with time and DS will turn out to be my best friend and a gorgeous little boy like DH. It is hard but I really hope I will no longer have the gender disappointment feelings...

  7. Likes Adia liked this post
  8. #5
    Dream Vet

    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    2,901
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    I understand the loss of a dream, I always dreamed of 2 girls or a girl and a boy. I got 3 boys. So you could have it worse to put it this way, you could be me. I would have dreamed to have your family, a girl and a boy

    It will get better with time, you will get to know your son as the person he is. It also really helps to hang out with positive boy moms rather than boy bashing all girl moms.

    Most women, like myself are just super happy to get one daughter, so in that sense you're already one of the lucky ones. Sons are huge blessings, so you are also very lucky that you have a son!

  9. Thanks Dreamsplanner thanked for this post
    Likes pink_bean, Am3a, Dreamofpink, hopper liked this post
  10. #6
    Big Dreamer

    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    308
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    Thank you Claire33, I know what you mean and I truly hope you will have your little girl very soon, I saw your pregnant girl sign and I truly hope this happened already :-)

    I also like your idea about hanging out with positive boy moms, that is so true. My boy bashing all girl mom 'friend' did not even say anything positive about DS when he was born aside from, oh my god he is big and looks like your daughter and then went on to say how boys are not affectionate and she craves not to have one. I was very hurt and I guess that is why I may be so affected now she got her girl, though I should be happy for her.

    I will move on though, let it go and try to hang out with positive boy moms, I like that idea and I wish I will be more positive myself and beyond this!

    I wish that moms do not have to go through gender disappointment, wouldn't the world be a happier place if we were so content with our babies as they are, but dreams are dreams...

    Did you sway for long to get your dream?

  11. #7
    Banned

    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    154
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    Regarding your friend, she may very well have wanted a boy herself and was jealous. Either way her comments to you were very rude and insensitive. I can assure you little boys are affectionate. I have 2 and they fight over who gets to cuddle mommy.

    Your husband sounds a lot like mine. They may not understand our disappoinment, which is hard but at least they see the positive, which is the best way to live.

    Another thing you might be mourning is the relationship you had with your daughter when it was just the two of you. I went through a grieving period after I had my second son because I really missed my ODS. Babies take up so much of our time and attention and that combined with sleep deprivation makes all of our feelings more intense. Including GD.

  12. #8
    Big Dreamer

    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    284
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    It sounds like you're enjoying and bonding well with your son.

    One thing you should consider is that you probably are a better person for having to had to broaden your interests to include mothering a little boy and you will probably continue to grow much more from this experience than from the experience of getting what you wanted a second time.

    Nobody develops character by getting what they want immediately or every time.

  13. Thanks Dreamsplanner thanked for this post
    Likes pink_bean, hopper, Kittybear, True Blue liked this post
  14. #9
    Banned

    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    154
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by trifecta View Post
    It sounds like you're enjoying and bonding well with your son.

    One thing you should consider is that you probably are a better person for having to had to broaden your interests to include mothering a little boy and you will probably continue to grow much more from this experience than from the experience of getting what you wanted a second time.

    Nobody develops character by getting what they want immediately or every time.
    Wow, I love this!

  15. Thanks tm29, Drunken Cockatoo thanked for this post
    Likes trifecta liked this post
  16. #10
    Big Dreamer

    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    284
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    Thanks, pink_bean! It's something I remind myself of often. I think if I had gotten exactly what I wanted I wouldn't have had to grow as much.

  17. Likes Kittybear liked this post
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. I feel so down :(
    By Tiffani3 in forum Gender Desire
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: September 22nd, 2013, 02:11 AM
  2. Do any of you feel bad after getting your DG?
    By monkeysnuffer in forum Chit Chat Lounge
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: September 17th, 2013, 08:39 AM
  3. Sometimes I feel like he is still here.
    By sbowman in forum TTC after a Loss
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: June 10th, 2013, 03:01 PM
  4. Feel down :(
    By Navywife620 in forum 2WW Gathering Place
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: September 26th, 2012, 06:15 PM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •