Coming to terms with it - my positive story

[Roma Rose]

I was an avid lurker of this forum last year when we had just found out we were having yet another boy.

I was seeking people who had felt a little bit like me - confused, conflicted and guilty at the strong unexpected reaction I had.

I was worried my feelings would be permanent and it was just a horribly confusing time all round. Just wanted to add my story now that my third boy is here.

I bonded instantly with him and my desire for a girl has not affected our relationship at all. All those heightened emotions when I was pregnant have calmed down. I hope it's OK to post links in here, but if you would like to read the full story in more detail, I just wrote a blog post all about the process I went through in order to say goodbye to the idea of having a girl

I would still love to have a daughter, and I think that longing and curiosity will always be there, but I wouldn't change anything that led me to my boys.

Just wanted to add my bit of positivity to anyone searching these forums looking for reassurance. Those initial feelings were really quite scary and upsetting, but they didn't last forever.

[BrightSky]

I read your blog, it was beautiful. I love your positivity and so glad to hear those confused pregnancy feelings fade away with time.

[familymatters]

What a poignant blog post. I found it really interesting when you said this about the desire to have a girl going far beyond just wanting to buy pink: "the desire and intrigue to see a part of yourself reflected in the same gender as yourself" - this is SO true and it's really put into words why I think many women want the opportunity to parent a girl above and beyond just braiding hair and ballet lessons.

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[Roma Rose]

Thank you. I've also started to realise that any grandchildren that come along will also be genetically a little bit of me, so all is not lost, I might still get to experience a part of myself reflected in a granddaughter one day.

[familymatters]

Absolutely. Most of my family remark on how much I look like my Nanna, and how much my personality is like my great grandmother!

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[ksmom]

Thank you for sharing this. I'm pregnant with our third boy after swaying pink for a long time. We're not sharing the gender with anyone because I can't handle the comments. Like you, I had three losses before getting pregnant with this baby so we have no idea what those babies would have been and it makes me sad. It's partly why I don't want to tell anyone what we're having because I don't want the "oh another boy" pity comments. The last thing I want to hear is disappointment from others about having another boy because really, they shouldn't feel sorry for me. I lost not one, not two, but three babies early on in our journey to have a third child and yet this baby decided to stick around for reasons I do not yet understand which I think is rather amazing. I'm still processing having a third boy but I hope that once he's born, that sadness will melt away like it did with DS2.

[Roma Rose]

Sorry about your losses, it can be so tough. The comments are awful, I actually wished that we hadn't told anyone we'd found out, as then I could have swerved all the comments whilst I was in that emotional pregnant stage.

[Wantanother2017]

Thinking I will find out the gender next time by having it written down for us to open at home. And not reveal the gender to anyone until after the birth and the sweet baby is there. Who could say anything other then sweet things then?



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[ksmom]

Wantanother, that's what we did this time. Instead of the tech telling us at the ultrasound, we had her put a potty shot in an envelope for us to open at home. I'm glad we did it that way although part of me wishes we'd waited until the birth to find out. We've been telling everyone that we weren't able to find out the gender because baby wasn't cooperating (which is only half a lie...the baby really didn't want us to know lol but we managed to poke/prod the baby enough to convince him to open his legs). The baby was so determined to not let us see his bits that I almost told the tech to forget about it. We'd been bugging him for about 10-15 minutes before he decided right at the end of the scan to open up. He's already being difficult.

[BrightSky]

I haven't found out the sex of this one and I have to say the comments are really bothering me, like 'I bet you're hoping for a girl' or straight out 'I hope it's a girl', which makes me feel so pressured and bad for this little baby when I have a strong sense it's not. It makes me feel like I should have just found out, u really can't win either way!!