Feeling obssessed and over GD

[ChezIBY]

Rosequartz, Complex, pinkfairydust can I tune in please? I don't fit the profile pinkfairydust was reaching out to in her last post (I am only expecting my first child, it's a girl, and I plan to sway blue in the future, not pink), but I just feel like most of what you guys have been discussing is so applicable to me it's crazy!

I was nodding my head vigorously as I read what Complex had to say on this thread - that what we're experiencing is not uncommon but that it is an absolutely taboo subject. Since being aware of this subject and experiencing the emotions myself, I have been keeping my ears open and keep hearing hints of GD from other people in my entourage too - people let drop small phrases that make you feel it's just the tip of the iceberg - 'Is that what you wanted or is it the opposite of what you wanted to hear?' 'That family already have three of those, so hope it's the other one this time around' 'They're happy with whatever seeing as how it's the first one, but they'll want the other one second time around, trust me, seeing as how they can only have two', and so on, so on. It is a shame that the subject carries such a stigma since I think a lot of us have felt horrible at some moment because we believed we were some sort of monster for even feeling that way. Thanks be we can go over the subject and get support on here!

And something else that helped me personally (besides reading the forums on here and speaking with all the lovely forum members) - I hope it won't be too rough, but here goes. I'm the youngest of three daughters and so far the only one who is going to become a Mom - and it seems like it might very much stay that way. My eldest sister has been married for years and while I think that she would have loved a kid her husband is sort of dead set against. My second sister's love life is in a turmoil since the last ten years - could improve of course, but so far she's stuck at that stage. Imagine my parents' happiness at learning they'll finally become grandparents - especially as I am quite a bit younger than my sisters. Well, I think my parents have laid it on a bit thick, as the baby is all they've talked about since finding out. Result - my sisters with whom I've always been super close are acting.. weird. Middle one is carefully steering off the radar and always 'too busy to chat' while before we used to talk every other day, while the eldest does chat but heaven forbid we get on the subject of baby - the other week I listened for nearly an hour on her venting to me about how me and DH don't know the other thing about having a kid, how we're gonna mess this up, how she's sure we have no idea 'bout this and this and that thing... (yup, serious!) Consider this coming from a sister who has always (always!) been super positive and supportive!

Now, I can give as good as I get if someone starts having a fight with me but in this case I just didn't feel the urge to get into an argument with her at all. It's just that the more she was speaking the more I felt convinced that she was only speaking out of her own hurt and bitterness. I went to bed after we said bye and had this huge realization curled up in the sheets that my sister, given her age and circumstances now, will most definitely NEVER be a Mom. And never is a damn long time. And she's probably hurting masses and my having a kid is rubbing it in. I felt so horrified at this idea, and suddenly for the first time felt the whole thing that Complex is talking about - that I am lucky in a lot of things, that being pregnant has been great, that so many women (even those in my family) would give so much to have what I have. That I'm lucky even being able to conceive, that OK, my dream family does include both genders but hey, I am already getting ONE kid at least, I am becoming a Mom, DH is becoming a Dad - and my sister will never have that, I just kept running a loop around that thought. The only way I managed to calm down eventually is that I figured that since my sister had never been pregnant and never felt that connection at least she could not really 'know' what she was missing out on, so to speak. Still

So to sum it up - what Complex said, if I can rephrase it a bit - we need to not take for granted what we already have. I think that will help. We get one kid, say it comes with GD - ok, we end up in love with them eventually, but want to sway for the other one - we think, what happens if I don't get the 'desired' one this time around etc - how about focusing some of that energy on going over how it is a miracle that we can conceive at all, compared to some ladies who can't/have partners who don't want them to/etc and that ultimately some amount of GD is still so much better (I think) than no kid and no family ever. Yes, GD sucks - but no baby at all sucks more IMHO. I think that's what Complex was saying when she spoke about how she's been TTC for a while now and is starting to feel that she would just welcome pregnancy even if there is some GD down the line. Best of luck Complex, I hope you get a positive test result soon and I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

[Rosequartz]

Hello ChezIBY and Pinkfairy Dust! Sorry about the late reply. Pinkfairy Dust you are exactly right when you say that having a daughter won't make us "complete" and that we'll most likely move onto another obsession - like not being able to see them grow up! I already have that thought! ChezIBY thanks very much for sharing your story. Before I felt GD I was very worried (irrationally so) that I might not be able to have a baby. So, I can understand that pain your sister must be going through. I had a miscarriage before DS and felt like it would never happen and it was very hard to be around those who were pregnant or just had a baby. I also have a friend who is 40 and her husband doesn't want a baby and she doesn't know if she wants one (I think she swings to and fro) and since I had a baby she's become much more distant - she even gave me a heads up that that is what she does. I have to say, I think I would be the same. Interestingly, my obsession has somewhat dissapated a lot these last couple of weeks! To the point where I find myself not caring anywhere near as much but I suspect that it'll come and go in waves. Who knows! I have been reading some diet info related on gender swaying and have tried to put It into practice for a daughter but the girl sway diet is the exact opposite of what I was eating! Basically not much! ;p if you want a boy you need to increase your calories and make sure your blood glucose stays high (so snacking) increase the protein too and lift weights (safely!) to increase testosterone. Also, check out Atomic's posts in the future -very informative and caring. The only Antidote is to practice gratitude on a daily basis for what we already have like you say. Just out of interest did you have a preference for your first born to be a son? Congratulations btw!

[ChezIBY]

Hello ChezIBY and Pinkfairy Dust! Sorry about the late reply. Pinkfairy Dust you are exactly right when you say that having a daughter won't make us "complete" and that we'll most likely move onto another obsession - like not being able to see them grow up! I already have that thought! ChezIBY thanks very much for sharing your story. Before I felt GD I was very worried (irrationally so) that I might not be able to have a baby. So, I can understand that pain your sister must be going through. I had a miscarriage before DS and felt like it would never happen and it was very hard to be around those who were pregnant or just had a baby. I also have a friend who is 40 and her husband doesn't want a baby and she doesn't know if she wants one (I think she swings to and fro) and since I had a baby she's become much more distant - she even gave me a heads up that that is what she does. I have to say, I think I would be the same. Interestingly, my obsession has somewhat dissapated a lot these last couple of weeks! To the point where I find myself not caring anywhere near as much but I suspect that it'll come and go in waves. Who knows! I have been reading some diet info related on gender swaying and have tried to put It into practice for a daughter but the girl sway diet is the exact opposite of what I was eating! Basically not much! ;p if you want a boy you need to increase your calories and make sure your blood glucose stays high (so snacking) increase the protein too and lift weights (safely!) to increase testosterone. Also, check out Atomic's posts in the future -very informative and caring. The only Antidote is to practice gratitude on a daily basis for what we already have like you say. Just out of interest did you have a preference for your first born to be a son? Congratulations btw!

Rosequartz,

Wow, I'm so sorry about your miscarriage back in the day and everything you went through, the worry and all that!!
I am very happy for you that your feelings of GD and everything that goes with it have been subsiding and coming and going in waves, good sign in any case I think.

Good luck with the LE diet and your sway - you are planning on TTC soon, right? That is so exciting in any case I am planning to sway next time I TTC down the line, for a boy, yes, so that would be the HE diet like you said - and what comes more naturally to me would be what one should be eating like for a girl!! Lol. Seriously though, eating less is not so hard, you'll see, me and my girlfriends have been very used to decreasing the calories before bikini season and the like - it's all in one's head! I've got plenty of tips for going LE if you want Drink plenty of water to feel full between meals, keep all of the unhealthy snacks that might tempt you well out of sight and out of reach, motivate yourself by thinking about how you'll lose weight and how nice you'll look in a dress one size down, stick a cut-out from a magazine of some slim-looking gal you'd like to resemble on the fridge door And reward yourself for keeping on track - give yourself a small treat, like going out to a movie or something when you go for one week without steering off-course!

HE is going to be the way to go for me and I'll try and build muscle mass (ok, and a bit of fat) when the time comes To answer your question - after thinking over it extensively, I wanted (and still kind of do) a family with both boys and girls, but I always assumed a boy would come first I guess - I am the third of three sisters and my Mom has been very.. demanding, let's say, of us; there was a sort of psychological factor of me being worried about having a DD and passing some insecurities and stuff on to her (while a DS first would have been 'unknown territory' so it was easier to imagine, if you see what I mean.) I was pretty shell-shocked to know I was expecting a DD with this first one, and went haywire worrying about what it'd be like. Hanging out here on the forums, initially to prep my sway for a future boy attempt, and then reading over people's stories, I found some stories of ladies who had gone through similar things with their Moms actually fuelling their wish to sway pink and to 'get it right' with a DD of their own - this really was an 'aha' moment for me and made me feel very positive about DD So, the forums here are great in many ways, not just to provide sway info

Best of luck and I look forward to hearing more about how it goes your end

[frankie2017]

In my case this GD stuff is only the most recent obsession in a lifetime of fixations. I've always had a one-track mind that circles endlessly around one obsession before breaking free one way or another and then gravitating to something else. It's some kind of thought addiction. Could it be connected to OCD or anxiety disorder?

This is exactly me!! So of course currently i'm fixated on the GD for a girl. But i'm so aware of this THING that I do where I obsess and obsess and obsess and then move onto something else. Glad someone else does this

[KristaM]

Thanks for posting these posts. I have three girls as of now and pregnant with my fourth. with the second I had gd when I found out and got over it before I had her. I couldn't imagine her as boy to this day. Then when I was pregnant with the third and this one, I keep getting asked are you wanting a boy. My husband and I answer no we aren't. I am so used to girls and I relate to girls more then I do boys. If I want to find out gender we wouldn't know until sometime in August. I have known people that have lost their children and I keep reminding myself that GD is dumb compared to this. I guess I am different then most people. The opposite gender scares me when I am used to taking care of all girls.
I do think obsessing over one thing and then obsessing over other things is part of anxiety. I have always had anxiety bad but never medicated myself for it and with this pregnancy it has gotten worse. especially since I try to analyze gender. Sorry for my ramblings but I did enjoy reading your posts. thanks for posting your thoughts.

[Rosequartz]

Hello KristaM, thank you for posting your thoughts too! I recently got a BFP! And Am right back to fixating on gender! Eg: should I have tried the shettles method for a girl (we didn't after reading posts on here about it) etc. It's driving me a bit nuts but just re-reading these posts are helping. I'm having thyroid issues now so am just hoping for a sticky bean! All the best with your bubba!

[Complex Emotions]

Best wishes on a healthy pregnancy, Rosequartz!