Maternal Dominance Hypothesis and Priviledged Daughter Hypothesis

[skillet04]

[atomic sagebrush]

Ok well, I go off what I personally have read and been taught and I am not going to go on and on in this thread quibbling about the details. It is meant to make people stop and think about their lives and the type of people they are. I can tell you that I have talked to probably 10,000 women and there is absolutely, completely, and totally a trend with the personality stuff where the boy moms are control freaks and the girl moms are either laid back or easily overwhelmed. ARe there exceptions, many, and I do not pretend to know how it all works. I DO KNOW that the women back on InGender who would put tons of effort into timing and colorcoded pH charts and spending 2 years swaying without conceiving to get it all "perfect" were the ones getting boys with otherwise great sways.

it is NOT who has a clean home and who doesn't. Some people have control issues in other aspects of life. I can assure you my house is a pigsty but I have been a control freak in many other arenas.

I feel like you are putting so much energy into trying to prove me wrong or call me out in this thread, but can you take a step back and realize how this is kind of a "Martha-y" thing to be doing??

I am really sorry you feel like an incubator, I will tell you that my two oldest sons are my best friends (not in a weird way LOL) and I admire them more than words can say. My husband never really bonded with them and actually had a weird kind of GD for another boy even though he already had two.

You don't have to believe in this theory or idea but I DO. I experienced it firsthand when my personality felt DIFFERENT

[Hex]

Interesting read/theory. As a pink swayer, I feel as if I have this thing in the bag, lol. I am pretty laid back and chill, I don't exert a lot of energy worrying, and, besides a few rough patches in my life, I have always been that way. Interestingly, those rough patches line up well with when I conceived both of my sons. When I conceived my first son, I was in a stressful and emotionally abusive relationship with his father. We fought constantly, could never see eye to eye and he wanted to use me up for whatever I could give him and toss me aside. I wasn't standing for that so I became pretty authoritative, loud and controlling more as a survival mechanism than anything. I left him shortly after our son was born, (I moved my things out while he was out of state getting another woman pregnant...) Several months later I began dating my current hubby and my ex started filing court petitions for custody hearings, and other super fun stuff like that. I got pregnant with my second son in the midst of all of that stress - another situation where I had to do a lot of standing up for myself and taking control of the situation. Normally I am more of a "why do today what I could put off until tomorrow?" type of person and I choose my battles very carefully which often leads to me just going along with people to avoid conflict. I mean to the point where I am kind of a failure lol. But I do seem to be kind of popular because a lot of people know me and a lot of people are there for me offering to help when I need something.
Also, I feel the cornerstone of your essay was theoretical examples and not biblical accuracy. I'm not biblical at all (don't own a bible or any type of religious text) as a person, nor have I ever watched the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off (the movie came out 3 years before I was even born!) from start to finish, but nonetheless the descriptions of the characters helped to illustrate the relevant personality traits.

[atomic sagebrush]

Yes, apparently my beloved Bible story book my grandma gave me when I was a little kid, had that part of the story backward and was actually incorrect so I had been reading that part wrong all these years and even though I'm sure I read it elsewhere properly it was so set in my brain that way I never noticed. but IT DOESN'T MATTER it was just to illustrate a point. The beginning was way more important than that anyway. I could have gone on to mention how Martha didn't want to open Lazarus' grave because she was more worried about the smell offending people than bringing her brother back to life. It is irrelevant. The fact is that any of us can look around at the world around us and see 1000 people some of whom are running around wasting time and effort on controlling external details while others focus and cement relationships instead. That is what everyone should take away from the story. Neither way is right or wrong and they are both equally valid ways of getting thru life, just different approaches. One may be more affiliated with moms of boys, the other moms of girls, and no one is "bad or wrong or a failure or undeserving" etc etc etc etc

[atomic sagebrush]

It's actually quite interesting because "the old Kristin" would have flipped OUT if I realized I'd have made a mistake on something like this which matters to me hugely and I probably spent 100 hours working on it, and "the new Kristin" is like "it doesn't matter" because it doesn't and it doesn't even bother me. I made a mistake, big whoop. Nobody died. It's like a whole different way of thinking and existing from my old Martha/Jeannie days.

[sunnygirl]

Such a great Essay Atomic! I've really enjoyed reading it. I nodded the whole time! I've got 3 sons and so much of that is me. I think some people grabbed onto tiny parts of it and ran with those missing some other components. I may not have a squeaky clean house but I obsess, fixate on things and worry. I think of the worst case scenario and plan for it always trying to overt disaster lol I try to persuade people, not by being bossy but by being nice and sweet :-). I've got perpetual guilt about stuff that drives me to achieve things for me, my family etc.....this article is so amazing in showing us how much more complicated the human body is than we give it credit for. Very thought provoking and challenging me to rein in the obsessive worry beast lol

[sunnygirl]

Also my thoughts on beautiful social butterflies and girl. I have to agree on this. I think by beautiful they mean feminine. My friends with all DDs may not be supermodels but they are very feminine. I was always told I was more attractive than them because I was thinner etc, but I was more athletic and boyish than they. They had that delicate girly thing going on.....that I'd love to have. AND they were always hanging out with their girlfriends. - not just weekly, but daily. I'd be thinking I had too much to do at home....feeling guilty about my unfinished jobs. They'd be out having coffee, lunches, dance groups, play groups, movie nights living it up, unbothered by DH disdain at them being out. Should've joined them to get a girl! Lol

[atomic sagebrush]

Such a great Essay Atomic! I've really enjoyed reading it. I nodded the whole time! I've got 3 sons and so much of that is me. I think some people grabbed onto tiny parts of it and ran with those missing some other components. I may not have a squeaky clean house but I obsess, fixate on things and worry. I think of the worst case scenario and plan for it always trying to overt disaster lol I try to persuade people, not by being bossy but by being nice and sweet :-). I've got perpetual guilt about stuff that drives me to achieve things for me, my family etc.....this article is so amazing in showing us how much more complicated the human body is than we give it credit for. Very thought provoking and challenging me to rein in the obsessive worry beast lol

I agree with every word you say in both posts!! The interesting thing is that the GUILT is incessant for many of us and it's so draining, to envision all the things we "should" be doing for everyone in our lives and it just is not really possible to keep everyone happy and satisfied, there aren't the hours in the day to meet everyone's demands. But it doesn't mean that we don't think we should. I (not as much now but back in my boy-making days) would plan and plan and think and figure how I was going to do all these things that various people wanted me to - even people I barely knew like neighbors down the road and great-aunts and stuff, and many times my plans didn't work out. Most times. But the plans were amazing and phenominal, it's just that I'd have needed a million dollars and a cast of thousands to pull them off. And then I spent so much energy planning these elaborate scenarios because I wanted everyone to like me, that I had very little energy left over to do things that were a lot more practical, like housework. So then I'd draw up this minute by minute schedule of how I was going to clean and maintain the house over the next 12 months and waste tons of time on that, but then it was so un-stick-to-able that again I'd have needed a million dollars and a cast of thousands to acheive it. And on, and on, and on. It's NOT the clean house, it's not even what you do that the outside world even sees, it's that inner life and what goes on inside your mind.

Over time I realized that even the great things I pulled off were going over like a lead balloon - I'd spend literally a month working on these huge Christmas boxes for everyone and send them out and I was so proud of them, but then I found out that most people were throwing practically all of it away. People don't WANT the big elaborate show. They'd much rather have a postcard every so often than nothing for a year and then 20 page letter. We Marthas just get it wrong when we think that people are impressed by the big plans and schemes, even when we manage to accomplish them.

[Girlwish]

Ok I just wanted to share with you guys that I am pregnant with a boy after a strong sway and I always knwe after Reading this essay that I was THE Martha but unfortunately I could not dial her DOWN and a 3rd boy is the result.
I spend hours of analyzing what I did wrong and besides that I was very worried about certain factors in my sway I finally figuren out what I did most wrong....
The thing I did wrong was....that I was in COMPETITION with MYSELF the whole sway long. I was determined to let my sway succeed at all costs!! I used this trait of my character many times before in personal life and carreer and I ALWAYS succeeded at every goal I set and every achievement I had to make. It got me where I am to day........including.......three boys.......
It is so me that I didn't realize during my sway that I was doing that, but I obsessively excersized and followed the diet....I think it would have been better if I stayed coach patatoe or did not have to follow the diet.....but then again my chances of a boy would probably have been even higher........so I guess I am a unsuitable candidate for swaying.....
I don't want to scare you guys, just wanted to warn you / let you know if you are a real Martha.....she might not be so easy to back down.....

[atomic sagebrush]

What I DON'T want you guys to do, after reading these, is to then encorporate it INTO the Martha. Your personality is mainly out of your control and you simply can't force yourself to be a different person than who you are. We LOVE who you are. We don't want to change that. All that we should take from these essays is that you should avoid starting off doing these big huge sway related projects and every day take a moment to acknowledge that the reality of swaying is that it's never a guarantee and all we do, is what we can do and then turn it over to the hands of whatever higher power you believe in (even luck). Because that's where it is all along. It's not something we can make happen, we can only control as much as is controllable and that is only a part of the reasons why we conceive the gender we do. The stuff we do for swaying is like the tip of a very small iceberg and most things are down under the water where we can't see them or "fix" them.

We've all seen perfect sways produce opposites and half-A$$ ones succeed and it is NEVER about what anyone did that was "wrong" or some personal failing on their part. It's just bad luck, that's all, and (atomic tough love warning) to look back and then decide that what you did "wrong" was your fault because you did/could not dial it down enough - that IS the Martha talking.