Maternal Dominance Hypothesis and Priviledged Daughter Hypothesis

[maidentomother]

Skillet's post came off badly to me too. I definitely think there's a language barrier.

DJ, yep, the time on the meds and doing lots of CBT really helped. Also my DH dying & my back getting so bad. It's hard to care so much about details after mega tragedy. But I still have it, I always will to some extent I think. If you think you do have OCD or even strong tendencies I highly recommend medication + CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy, often exposure therapy if you have compulsions).

[djmommy]

Skillet's post came off badly to me too. I definitely think there's a language barrier.

DJ, yep, the time on the meds and doing lots of CBT really helped. Also my DH dying & my back getting so bad. It's hard to care so much about details after mega tragedy. But I still have it, I always will to some extent I think. If you think you do have OCD or even strong tendencies I highly recommend medication + CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy, often exposure therapy if you have compulsions).

I am sorry to hear that your Dh has passed. I can not imagine how hard that is. I agree that when you have been through tragedy, you realize what is really important. Glad you have gotten better.
As far as OCD, I meant "worry" in a way of my swaying. I actually don't believe I have OCD as in it affects my everyday life. I don't have any compulsions. I just like things done a certain way but can deal with it if something changes.LOL....

[LacePrincess]

Wow I have totally not followed this thread, but peaked my curiosity when I saw somehow OCD had come up, how did that happen? LOL

First, my thoughts to you maiden. I can't imagine that sort of loss, and you are a strong, strong lady for coming through that. I hope you're proud of yourself, because you should be!

Now about OCD, since I am a diagnosed OCD/GAD, I felt I had to chime in too. I've been officially diagnosed since I was 22 but my doctors think I probably had it as early as 7yo. OCD is not about being an overly neat freak, or about being particular or even about being overly picky about details. OCD is an *anxiety* disorder which takes many, MANY forms. The germ/tidiness thing is a cliche and there are MANY forms of OCD that don't involve cleanliness in any way. Actually, ironically enough, chronic hoarders often have a form of OCD, go figure.

This is a pretty good article debunking the myths of OCD: Nine myths about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Djmommy, being a neat freak, control freak, or being irritated when things aren't 'just so' don't necessarily make you OCD. OCD is anxiety about uncertainty over something (bad things happening to your family like disease, a bad guy breaking into your house, catastrophes like your house burning down, a generally disproportionate overwhelming fear of 'bad stuff' happening) and then magical thinking that by doing some sort of compulsive act (washing hands, cleaning obsessively, checking the doors over and over, counting/tapping/muttering mantras) that those acts will somehow prevent the 'bad thing' from occurring. The compulsion then becomes a self-sooth thing that basically affirms to your mind that the boogeyman you fear has any validity, and it becomes an absolutely VICIOUS cycle of unfounded anxiety where the sufferer tries to stop the anxiety by compulsing, except the compulsions only serve to validate that there IS something to fear - when there isn't. So it's a self affirming cycle that generally only gets worse with time.

Maiden is right that if you have OCD bad it usually takes anti-anxiety meds of some form to calm the mind, but CBT is what truly breaks the cycle of poisonous self destructive thought patterns. And that can take years to work. OCD is also chronic and can 'flare' back up at any time, especially with stress and hormones. For me, chronic stress kicks off my OCD, as well as hormones, so I have to constantly 'BE VIGILANT!" as Auror Moody from Harry Potter would say, LOL. And even today even though I'd consider myself doing great, I still have OCD, I just accept that in some things I'll always 'need' to do (I'm a contamination OCD in particular). I still have intrusive thoughts, and it's a multiple-times-a-day thing to logic it out to myself into not doing compulsions.

[LacePrincess]

About the 'beautiful women have more girls' study....

Well first the obvious, beauty is rather subjective so by what cultural standard? And even the symmetry of features criteria isn't something I buy into, I've seen some perfectly symmetrical examples and I find them anything BUT beautiful.

Second, Carrie Underwood and Mike Fisher are pretty beautiful people by most people's standards. And Kate Middleton is definitely gorgeous! And both are BOY MOMS. Frankly I wouldn't be insulted if anyone compared me to Princess Kate.

[djmommy]

Wow I have totally not followed this thread, but peaked my curiosity when I saw somehow OCD had come up, how did that happen? LOL

First, my thoughts to you maiden. I can't imagine that sort of loss, and you are a strong, strong lady for coming through that. I hope you're proud of yourself, because you should be!

Now about OCD, since I am a diagnosed OCD/GAD, I felt I had to chime in too. I've been officially diagnosed since I was 22 but my doctors think I probably had it as early as 7yo. OCD is not about being an overly neat freak, or about being particular or even about being overly picky about details. OCD is an *anxiety* disorder which takes many, MANY forms. The germ/tidiness thing is a cliche and there are MANY forms of OCD that don't involve cleanliness in any way. Actually, ironically enough, chronic hoarders often have a form of OCD, go figure.

This is a pretty good article debunking the myths of OCD: Nine myths about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Djmommy, being a neat freak, control freak, or being irritated when things aren't 'just so' don't necessarily make you OCD. OCD is anxiety about uncertainty over something (bad things happening to your family like disease, a bad guy breaking into your house, catastrophes like your house burning down, a generally disproportionate overwhelming fear of 'bad stuff' happening) and then magical thinking that by doing some sort of compulsive act (washing hands, cleaning obsessively, checking the doors over and over, counting/tapping/muttering mantras) that those acts will somehow prevent the 'bad thing' from occurring. The compulsion then becomes a self-sooth thing that basically affirms to your mind that the boogeyman you fear has any validity, and it becomes an absolutely VICIOUS cycle of unfounded anxiety where the sufferer tries to stop the anxiety by compulsing, except the compulsions only serve to validate that there IS something to fear - when there isn't. So it's a self affirming cycle that generally only gets worse with time.

Maiden is right that if you have OCD bad it usually takes anti-anxiety meds of some form to calm the mind, but CBT is what truly breaks the cycle of poisonous self destructive thought patterns. And that can take years to work. OCD is also chronic and can 'flare' back up at any time, especially with stress and hormones. For me, chronic stress kicks off my OCD, as well as hormones, so I have to constantly 'BE VIGILANT!" as Auror Moody from Harry Potter would say, LOL. And even today even though I'd consider myself doing great, I still have OCD, I just accept that in some things I'll always 'need' to do (I'm a contamination OCD in particular). I still have intrusive thoughts, and it's a multiple-times-a-day thing to logic it out to myself into not doing compulsions.

Thank you Lace for chiming in and giving me a better understanding. Everything that you say makes it easily more understandable. I was never really "obsessive" about stuff until I met my DH. He definitely has a form of OCD and I swear that it rubs off on me, if that is even possible. He definitely has anxiety about stuff exactly the way you stated..ie, locking all the doors and windows and double checking nightly, before we leave the house. Is very well prepared in case we need to be self sufficient, etc. He is very high strung and we often wonder if he could take something for anxiety but was always under the impression that it would make him loopy. I know the OCD is nothing to make light of and it is a very serious disorder that creates extreme fear among those who suffer from it. I did not mean to speak lightly of it and I apologize if I did.

I also agree that Maiden, you are incredibly strong for overcoming as much as you have. I really and truly hope that you are blessed with you sweet take home baby very soon!!

[LacePrincess]

Thank you Lace for chiming in and giving me a better understanding. Everything that you say makes it easily more understandable. I was never really "obsessive" about stuff until I met my DH. He definitely has a form of OCD and I swear that it rubs off on me, if that is even possible. He definitely has anxiety about stuff exactly the way you stated..ie, locking all the doors and windows and double checking nightly, before we leave the house. Is very well prepared in case we need to be self sufficient, etc. He is very high strung and we often wonder if he could take something for anxiety but was always under the impression that it would make him loopy. I know the OCD is nothing to make light of and it is a very serious disorder that creates extreme fear among those who suffer from it. I did not mean to speak lightly of it and I apologize if I did.

I also agree that Maiden, you are incredibly strong for overcoming as much as you have. I really and truly hope that you are blessed with you sweet take home baby very soon!!

Djmommy, no worries AT ALL, I wasn't offended in any way, shape, or form. OCD has so many misrepresentations in the media that it's easy to misidentify what it is and what it isn't.

Your DH certainly could have OCD. And his behaviours could definitely be influencing you, especially if you didn't have tendencies before you met him. It's not necessary to take meds to control it, just the meds can make it easier to give a person's brain a break from the anxiety so they can reshape their thought patterns to healthier behaviours. But CBT is totally doable without meds and even on your own.

Also with OCD, some of those behaviours aren't necessarily bad or harmful, like double checking doors, or washing hands. Some are completely useless like mantras or tapping, and should be a goal to eliminate. With the helpful behaviours, they're only a problem if it gets to be so excessive that it interferes with having a normal functioning life, or if the anxiety is so bad that it brings misery. OCD management isn't about eliminating all compulsions if those compulsions are actually good things to do within reason. So say you set a limit that checking the door twice when leaving the house or going to bed are ok. Checking them over and over for hours per day are not. Etc.

Two books I can really recommend are:

The OCD Workbook Amazon.com: The OCD Workbook: Your Guide to Breaking Free from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (9781572249219): Bruce M. Hyman PhD LCSW, Cherlene Pedrick RN: Books

and

Brain Lock Brain Lock: Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior: Jeffrey M. Schwartz, Beverly Beyette: 9780060987114: Amazon.com: Books

Very helpful exercises to do to control OCD thought patterns and totally something you can do without a therapist.

[djmommy]

Thanks so much for the great and helpful information. I want my DH to look at it to.

[djmommy]

On another note, your chart is looking good! Even if it was long, hopefully it will be worth the wait!

[LacePrincess]

On another note, your chart is looking good! Even if it was long, hopefully it will be worth the wait!

Thanks! I'm really trying not to think about it or symptom spot. It's just a recipe for stress for me!! I refuse to get my hopes up, right now if my LP gets to 9-10 days I'll already be happy.

[djmommy]

Thanks! I'm really trying not to think about it or symptom spot. It's just a recipe for stress for me!! I refuse to get my hopes up, right now if my LP gets to 9-10 days I'll already be happy.

I know exactly what you mean. Exactly why I have decided not to temp this cycle after a year, I need a break!