Decision time! Should we have another baby?

[netti02]

Im up to 5 😊 definitely more than i *thought i wanted. It wasn't really til just before I was pregnant with ds5 did I really acknowledge my feelings of GD and desire for a daughter. DH gets it. He understands how I feel. I would have 1 more as I think thats about all i have left in me and us financially etc. Its crazy, hard and sometimes tough not only on our part but dealing with alot of comments particularly the broken record type.

I also haven't bothered getting rid of my baby stuff 😅 i know im not done

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[charlie2016]

Oh wow congrats on your pregnancy Charlie. Can i ask if you've got boys or girls or noth to date? Are you going team green this time?

Agreed that the sky will not fall in if we do have a third (and it's an opposite) we will adapt and change our perspective and find a new normal. Self doubt about our decisions, particularly if they are not completely mutual will always be in the back of the mind.

Thank you. My first one is a boy, the second is a girl, the third is a boy and this 4th seems to be a girl! With the 4th one I did try and sway which seems to have worked. You can try a boy sway easily and then can decide as you go along as you mentioned below your clock is not yet ticking so fast.
Looking back I can tell my girl vs boy conceptions were different, with my first girl I just stopped breastfeeding and so heard that can sway girl. With my boys I had more kgs and ate what I wanted.

[MiaMelb]

I also haven't bothered getting rid of my baby stuff �� i know im not done

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I'll send you all my pink dust.

[netti02]

Ill send my blue. I have plenty 😅

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[atomic sagebrush]

I always wanted a big family (I was an only child and hated it!) but we ended up basically having two families, our first two boys and then 13 years later we added the 3 little ones so I have some insight into the dynamics of 2 vs. 3. Personally I prefer 3. My older two were not that close growing up, part of it was their age gap, but more, it was because it is just THEM all the time, if someone is getting on your nerves, there's no escape. But with 3, they all play together or 2 play and one does their own thing and then if someone gets sick of someone, there is someone else waiting to play. Plus they can play stuff that is funner with 3 than 2 - my first two NEVER played things like board games together, I had several board games and they'd never play them because someone was mad at someone but with the 3, they often play games together and it's the cutest. I really like having 3 much more than I thought I would.

My dad (who had 2 children) just came for a visit and he marveled at how well the 3 of them play together. They really enteratain themselves so well!

[atomic sagebrush]

My midwife told me she talks to more women who regret not having more children than women who wished they had less children.

I know that's not always the case and there are many aspects to the decision, but personally, if I don't get my dream gender I would still love adding another little one to our family .


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Because I had such a huge age gap between my first 2 and second 3, people (strangers, even, mostly women, but even a few old men) felt comfy with opening up to me and you would not believe the number of people in doc's offices and grocery stores who told me "I really regret not having just one more" or "I really wanted just one more and my spouse said no" or "I was in school and it didn't seem like a good time but I wish I had it to do over again" It played a HUGE part in me rolling the dice that one last time because I didn't want to still be having those regrets 20 years later. And even my husband who was barely on board at all has said he is glad it did happen several times.

[MiaMelb]

Thanks for your thoughts Atomic. Your insight given the age gap between your 'two families' does provide a really unique perspective on which to comment.

I really think that my heart wants to try 'one last time' and I'm now just convincing my very rational and sensible head that it wants it too. I can't say with 100% certainty that I wont feel some regret short term if my sway 'fails' but I am totally convinced that this feeling will be momentary and any third child we have will be welcome and very much loved when the time comes. Totally in agreement that I'm more likely to regret not trying at all then I am to regret trying and 'failing'.

[kittendreams]

I am in exactly the same place and on a daily basis swing between wanting a third and thinking oh god what am I doing I can't handle the two I have lol!
But I deep down know there is another child out there ready to join our family whether it be boy or girl and I just have to go with it. Would our life be easier with two- maybe; would we be better off financially with only two- definitely! But none of that matters I know there is someone missing we are not complete with only two so I have to trust my gut on this!

Good luck I really hope you and everyone gets their DG and the feeling of completeness in your family xx

[MiaMelb]

I am in exactly the same place and on a daily basis swing between wanting a third and thinking oh god what am I doing I can't handle the two I have lol!
But I deep down know there is another child out there ready to join our family whether it be boy or girl and I just have to go with it. Would our life be easier with two- maybe; would we be better off financially with only two- definitely! But none of that matters I know there is someone missing we are not complete with only two so I have to trust my gut on this!

Good luck I really hope you and everyone gets their DG and the feeling of completeness in your family xx

Wow Kittendreams just got a shiver reading through that. So insightful thank you.

Wishing you the best of luck with your future sway.

[4blue2pink]

Because I had such a huge age gap between my first 2 and second 3, people (strangers, even, mostly women, but even a few old me) felt comfy with opening up to me and you would not believe the number of people in doc's offices and grocery stores who told me "I really regret not having just one more" or "I really wanted just one more and my spouse said no" or "I was in school and it didn't seem like a good time but I wish I had it to do over again" It played a HUGE part in me rolling the dice that one last time because I didn't want to still be having those regrets 20 years later. And even my husband who was barely on board at all has said he is glad it did happen several times.

ive had this happen a few times both with people we know and complete strangers seeing me out with my kids, they have all been women who age-wise cant have more and it is sad to hear them say they have these regrets, their children are adults now and yet they still wish they had had 4 not 2 or had 1 more or several more.. always puts me in mind of that quote "you dont regret the children you do have only the ones you dont"

only you know if you feel complete, the women who have come up and spoken to me out the blue clearly didnt feel complete and sadly decades later they still dont and its too late to change it now for them. and honestly its made me very aware of the fact that i dont want to be that person in 10/20/30+ years time

yes babies and toddlers are HARD work!! but time moves on, the baby stage sleep deprivation ends as do the toddler tantrums and the need for you to help them with everything, they become more independant and things do get easier!
3 kids when its 2 little ones and a baby is hard work, but 3 children aged 5 and up who can all sleep through, dress, feed and toilet themselves as well as play much more inclusively together than toddlers can is a world away from those early days.

as for swaying every person ive seen on here who has had an opposite and continued to post has said they couldnt imagine life without them and that they were just what their family needed, of course there was initial disappointment etc but like you said, in the grand scheme of things those feeling are momentary.

good luck with whatever you decide to do xx