Newbie to GD with 3 boys!

[signingmommyfor3]

Hello everyone!!! I apologize in advance for my long intro but I want to get to know you ladies and you to know me. A precursor: Dh and I have been happily married for 1yr as of March 9 and together 3 yrs. All together we have 3 boys and desperately want a little girl at some point.

I grew up in a really rough environment without a father figure and a messed up mother figure (She was my grandmother). Didn't have a relationship with my mom till I was 18. I raised my little sister so we don't have a great relationship because she hated me for leaving her when I was 15 and rebels because I was the only mother figure she trusted. This led to my need to please everyone and have a little girl who would want to do girly things with me.

I got married at a young age to an abusive man. We have 2 boys together, now 6 and 5. He isolated me from family, moved me 10 hours away from home, and didn't let me make any friends. During the last year of our marriage I was a member of in-gender and trying to sway a girl but after several months of nothing happening I stoped. I thank God that he didn't allow me to get pregnant again with this man and a month after I stopped trying got up the courage to leave (with the help of a friend). I still struggle everyday to keep his leash off me and not allow him to control my life. I try to co-parent with him since we have joint custody but he makes it hard because he uses the boys and hurts them. I've tried everything to save them but our family court system is soo much a Father and joint custody state everything I do doesn't succeed.

Anyway I digress....the friend that helped me and saved me and the boys became my best friend and is now my husband. Him and his ex wife gave me another beautiful boy, now 7, and all three of us and her new fiancée get along GREAT!!! I know that he feels love in both homes and that he truly has two sets of loving parents. So again, DH and I have 3 beautiful boys that mean everything to us.

Now DH didn't want kids and ds1 was an accident. Then I came along with ds2 and ds3. He love all of them. I knew when we were just starting to see each other that he didn't want anymore children but I wanted 1 more and really wanted it to be a girl. While dating in 2012 and living together I was still struggling to get healthy from years and years of abuse, emotionally but also physically healthy, so in respect to what he wanted and to get myself healthy I was on birth control. After being together 9 months and on the birth control I some how got pregnant. My pcp told me that she didn't know how far I would be able to carry the baby due to the fact she was surprised my boys were alive, both born at 36 weeks and I was unhealthy during those pregancies, and that I was still so physically unhealthy. My DH, still only bf then, was angry because he didn't want another and we couldn't fit nor afford another. During my first ultrasound my obgyn stated he baby's heartbeat was faint and starting to dwindle. All three, DH, OBG, and my pcp said the baby wasn't going to live much longer and I was getting sicker, so I reluctantly gave in for a medically induced miscarriage. I was devastated because I am a mother that wants her baby and felt it was my fault this baby couldn't live and I thought this may have been my baby girl. I still wonder if I gave up my chance at having my little girl and that I could have saved her? During my devastation DH told me that IF we were to stay together and get married in the future and get through a list of requirements he had he would give in to having another baby. He said it would be our 5 year plan and including getting married there were 7 other things he wanted us to have done before we could in the 5 years.

It has been almost 2 years, as of our anniversary, since that plan was promised and every month my baby fever has increased!!! Not to mention my sister, that I am trying to salvage a relationship with, is pregnant and I am jealous! This is her second baby but her first one passed away at 19 days old due to a congenital heart defect. I have supported her and I feel horrible that I am jealous of her.
She finds out this Monday what she is having and I am conflicted; I want her to have a boy so I don't feel bad she has a girl before me but also I want her to have a girl because her first was a boy and they will have birthdays days apart. Also DH best friend has a little girl that loves DH so much and seeing him with her week by week makes me want one even more.

We have everything on our list done except for buying a house and we plan to do that this fall or next fall. So I am not sure when we are going to TTC but I know we are going to try to sway for a little girl. I want to ask him when we are going to but I don't want him to change his mind, so I am scared. I want another baby and I really want my little girl. I feel like there is a whole in my Heart and our family and I want to fill it.

Sorry again about the long intro. We are going to sway and try for a little girl and hope GD can help and that I actually make some friends with you ladies because I am ready to have some friends who are adults and understand me.

[nuthinbutpink]

Welcome!

[atomic sagebrush]

Hi and welcome!! Sorry you have been through the wringer, there is a great group of ladies here who would love to support you through this process.

If I may have the temerity to offer a suggestion (which please ignore) - I would consider another doctor if at all possible. Previous difficult pregnancies do not always predict future outcomes and I don't think any doctor needs to be giving advice for future pregnancy based on what happened when you were in a period of bad health. 36 weeks is not a bad gestation age and babies come a little early all the time.

You have a great opportunity here to get in really good health for a pregnancy and so that is something you can do in the here and now to make this happen. I wouldn't wait around for him to change his mind, you can't control what he does or think, only what you do. And if your health is not good enough for a healthy pregnancy, here is the chance to rectify that prior to conception!!

[signingmommyfor3]

Thanks ladies!! Yeh Atomic I switched to a new dr last week and getting healthy is my first priority and then once in healthy start preparing my body by diet changes. I'm not going to let anyone else make the decisions for me any more. My concern is the fact that DH says we will have one and that he wants a girl but he also told me that it doesn't mean he wants another baby it just because I want one and he wants to make sure I am happy. It's hard because I want him to want it too and not regret me. I have a longing to complete our family.

[atomic sagebrush]

My experience (and at this point I have probably talked to 10,000 women over the past 6 years!!) is that with a small minority of exceptions, the menfolk are never really "into" the whole baby business in the way that we are. If you wait around for him to want it the way you do, you will be waiting a long time. There seems to be a fundamental difference between the sexes on this issue.

You have one life and if your happiness is contingent on having another child, don't let that opportunity pass by without fighting for it!

[signingmommyfor3]

I really appreciate your encouragement. I am not going to let it pass me by, he says yes just waiting for list to be finished. Going to get myself healthy and started on the rift supplements and diets and then wait...luckily his hobby that he loves is running (and from what ready from you helps sway pink)

[aidansmum]

I just want to extend a warm welcome, you will find GD is a great source of information and support! Good luck with your sway.

[SamS_TTCPink]

Welcome! You have come to the right place for understanding and support in your wish to have a baby girl! And atomic is right when she said men aren't usually as baby crazy as us women! Lol!! After our second child, my hubby said we weren't having any more....we now have 6 boys and I've "convinced" him to try to sway for a girl. He still says he doesn't agree with having another baby, but he is still making changes to his diet, taking Supps and prepared to do what his told to help the sway process.

I know how you feel about having the medically advised termination too...I've been there too and it was also due to my health and risks associated with me being pregnant and surviving labour at the time. It's hard, but I also believe things like that happen for a reason and perhaps it just wasn't the right time for you then.

I look forward to sharing our pink sway journeys!

[signingmommyfor3]

Thank you again!!! Just found out Wed that my sister is having a girl. So my jealousy has magnified and my guilt for being jealous has too.

[1+2+3boys]

Just read your post and wanted to say welcome and goodluck for the future.