Hello there ... 40 year old, two boys, Vasectomy Reversal ahead of us.

[atomic sagebrush]

Congratulations on getting the thumbs up from your OB!

I see online that in real life Wes Anderson was one of three boys with no sister, and I think in the movie the parents had all biological sons and grandsons with no girls... I should watch that movie again.

I guess it makes sense that this gender stuff effects us in deep lifelong ways, consciously or subconsciously. My mom was lucky to always get the gender she longed for, each and every time: GBGB. But she herself had been one of seven girls out of eight children. While I was growing up I remember she occasionally made comments about the world having an excess of women and girls.

Haha oh gosh I just realized yes they also have all boy grandchildren don't they??? And interestingly, they are also good friends with Jason Schwartzman who is also from an all boy family (but now has a daughter.)

[Sweetplum]

Congratulations on getting the thumbs up from your OB!

I see online that in real life Wes Anderson was one of three boys with no sister, and I think in the movie the parents had all biological sons and grandsons with no girls... I should watch that movie again.

I guess it makes sense that this gender stuff effects us in deep lifelong ways, consciously or subconsciously. My mom was lucky to always get the gender she longed for, each and every time: GBGB. But she herself had been one of seven girls out of eight children. While I was growing up I remember she occasionally made comments about the world having an excess of women and girls.

I love how my online "Should We Get A Vasectomy Reversal Thread" has turned into a conversation about Wes Anderson and his movies. Seems weirdly fitting. My life is so quirky and bizarre...but using a movie character as my pic may have something to do with this I suppose....

I just got the results from the AMH (Anti-Mullerian Hormone) test. Mine was 1.442. Anyone? My OB gave another thumbs up in her note, apparently above 1 is what they look for. I've realized that I can't analyze test results well as I'm a sample size of 1 and well, after all the health stuff we went through a few years ago I got sick of looking online for diagnosis and information as everyone is so unique. That said, if anyone has had this test, would love some anecdotal stories. I'm guessing the 1.442 means I have quite a few eggs left (but they are still old eggs) and obviously I'm trusting my doctor, just curious.

My husband on the other hand seems to have completely given in to the idea of a third kid. We talked a bit about 3 boys and (I may have mentioned this before but I always told friends and family growing up that I would love to be a mom of three boys) and after reading Atomics post on here about families of single gender children and the associated gender freedom/creativity I'd have to say I'm more excited than ever at the thought of another boy. If we have three boys...they would be like super adorable, weird, funny, bright Russian dolls. But if we have a girl, she would be the little cherry on top our family (and I get my pair of shoes). It seems like a win - win. My DH said..."If we do this I want to try for a girl because I'd like to see what a girl would be like" and I agreed but we both seemed to feel that we shouldn't kill ourselves. It was refreshing, although I think if we get into this the stress will increase as we're just in the discussion phase right now.

For me, now the issue is "do I really want to do this?" Hubby seems on board. Eggs seem to be available. Boy or Girl thing seems to have resolved itself. It's just me. And honestly, I'm questioning it. I'm sitting here in my cozy family room while the shrimps sleep upstairs quietly...working on this big fun project emailing the principals and a few colleagues at my firm and enjoying it while drinking some wine. Do I want to throw a baby in this fun mix? Yes. and No.

I'm thinking I may talk to my dad about things. I know it is weird but I'm closer to my dad than my mom (my mom is toooo emphatic - to the point that she cannot take herself out of my shoes when I go through stuff long enough to stop crying). My dad on the other hand will give me some good things to think about. I'm meeting him for lunch in mid-February (that's how busy we both are, yuck) and we'll see.

We are going to meet with the urologist next week. Then I have the second blood test a week after that. I'm very curious to hear what the urologist has to say and what DH says after. I'll report back.

[Sweetplum]

There are seriously a TON of super duperly creative people in all one gener families. Joss Whedon is one of 5, Hayao Miyazaki is one of 4, Jonas Salk and the Leakey family (anthropologists) are one of 3 boys, Laura Ingalls Wilder is from an all girl family, as is Virginia Woolf, I could go on and on.

I believe there is something strangely freeing about being in an all one gender family. Ya don't have to be "the boy" or "the girl" in a family of all one gender, it sort of frees you up to be what you want to be instead of having to fill in some familial role.

I LOVE this.

[atomic sagebrush]

It's fine for your age. Exactly what it should be. There's a pretty good explanation here: AMH levels assess ovarian reserve | IVF1

It is a hard decision to make. I still have mixed feelings about doing it now and then and my daughter is 3 1/2 LOL. My thoughts at the time and now are still, it's a now or never kind of thing, so if you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice, if you know what I"m saying. My fear was always, if I don't do this, in 5 years I won't be ABLE to, yk?? The wine will always be there, the baby option won't, but I'll be honest and say it's a slog sometimes (most) times and I do often think about the things I'd rather be doing than dumping out poopy pots and disinfecting my high chair for the 3000th time.

[Sweetplum]

Last night DH and I DTD and I'm about 2-3 days away from ovulation. I know there is a .00000000000000000000000000001% chance I'll get a BFP with the vasectomy and all, but I can hope can't I? Kinda sad isn't it. I really wish I wasn't in this position, being here feels so weird as I usually feel 100% sure of my life decisions and don't look back. This one is haunting me and the clock is ticking. It's hard.

[atomic sagebrush]

This is the big one. I wish they'd let us know that a little sooner. :/

[Sweetplum]

Just had our meeting with the urologist. Here is a summary.
1. He's got a 98% success rate (that is with the return of sperm). He's the best in our area....and beyond. Really great guy.
2. DH shouldn't be too difficult as the V is so new and he could tell in the check up that the tubes are touching (not much required to repair).
3. Average of 7 months after reversal to get pregnant. This would decrease with the minimal time passed since DH's V but increase with my age (40). So we'll just say around 7 months.
4. He's booking out a month.
5. Cost - $6500 or so.

I went to lunch with DH after the appt and here is a summary of that:
1. DH 100% doesn't feel the need for another child. He's happy with our two boys.
2. He will do the VR. He cares more about me being happy if this is what I want.
3. He's not excited about the procedure (to be expected).
4. We talked a lot about 'resentment' and the issue of me having resentment if we don't move forward and I always wonder 'what if' and the issue of him having resentment if we do move forward with something that he doesn't really need/want (or if something bad happens to me or with baby). We then flipped the discussion to instead focusing on resentment, focusing on one of us 'taking one for the team'. Meaning - me giving up my dreams of a third child/girl or him giving up his dreams of moving on and postponing the ease of 'older kids' a few years. In this scenario he felt taking the hit for 5 years of 'baby discomfort' (you know how the men don't love the baby years like us women) was worth it if it made me happy.

We had some low points in the discussion feeling frustrated with each other, but towards the end he just said "You know I'm going to do this if you want" and he got teary and I said "thank you so much honey, I am not even sure we should but I am so grateful you are hearing me out" and we left holding hands on a good note. We both agreed it's too bad we are in this position but that life isn't as linear as we all hope it to be.

This is the biggest 'decision' hubby and I have had to make (other than a few serious health decisions for our children a few years back). This one is lingering and all-encompassing since the clock is tick tocking away for me.

We have the thumbs up from OB, a path for the VR and hubby will do it (and sway with me), we can afford it and seems likely to be a success. There is not much stopping us from moving forward with this....but I'm still not 100% sure what the right thing to do is....for everyone.

My first gut was to set a 'deadline' for us to make a decision, then I took back that thought almost immediately as that is exactly the type of thinking that got us here...."If we just schedule a vasectomy I'll stop thinking of more babies and shut that door and move on" (That did NOT work)....so instead we will ponder and let it play itself out. I may see a therapist (I have the name of a therapist that specializes in fertility and reproductive concerns) as really this is all about my way of thinking and the balance between the heart and the head.

To be continued.

[atomic sagebrush]

Thank you so much for this lovely update and I REALLY appreciate you putting into words, so eloquently, that thought process that I know so many ladies have followed...this..."If we just schedule a vasectomy I'll stop thinking of more babies and shut that door and move on" (That did NOT work) I thave seen so many people go this route and end up having reversals, both V and tubal.

[Traci25]

Best of luck with your decision

[Sweetplum]

Thanks Atomic and Traci for the comments.

The past few days I've been having major PMS...really tender boobs (excruciating when the boys crawl on me if we're reading stories or something), serious back aches (so bad I had to ice and miss work since I couldn't walk around), moody, peeing a ton (can't make it to the bathroom), nauseated, can't sleep, a really mild headache and bloated. Plus I'm hungry and craving sweets.

Feeling this way has really started to make me wonder if I can go through another pregnancy. All the things I've been feeling the past few days would pale in comparison to the reality of carrying a human for 9 months and all the stress related to my chronic health condition and well...most of all...the health of the baby.

I just don't know if it's worth it to push things so hard. If it had really easy pregnancies, I was younger, and we could just try without dealing with the whole vasectomy reversal issue for my husband I would feel better, but right now I'm just not so sure it is worth it, despite my desire for a baby (girl). I wonder if I may just be happier embracing things as they are and our decision on the V (which was truly made with both DH and I in agreement and good intentions even if it did backfire) and move on to enjoying a full life as a family of four.

I did talk with two girlfriends and they seem to think I should think with my 'heart' which of course means move forward and try for another baby (I really trust their judgement)....even though they both seemed to favor us moving forward, they were also wary of all the complications as they know all the stuff we've been through. At least I know I'm not crazy in my feelings.

We'll see how I feel this weekend. Speaking of crazy in my feelings, I find that my hormones dictate my desire for a third child, a monthly wave I ride....

Maybe the waves will taper off or maybe we'll just take the dive?