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February 5th, 2016, 09:06 PM
#41
Swaying Advice Coach
One thing to keep in mind is that self-control seems to take a nose dive in the LP (second half of cycle) and you are not alone in finding that to be the case. I can't stick to my diet and invariably spend too much money too.
Question, is adoption a possibillity at all?
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February 7th, 2016, 05:30 PM
#42
Dreamer
Originally Posted by
atomic sagebrush
One thing to keep in mind is that self-control seems to take a nose dive in the LP (second half of cycle) and you are not alone in finding that to be the case. I can't stick to my diet and invariably spend too much money too.
Question, is adoption a possibillity at all?
Nope. DH is totally against adoption. I am for the idea of it but the reality of adopting probably won't work for our family.
Feeling pretty hopeless lately. I need to come to terms with the fact that my friends and family will continue to have babies, and that at some point (now or in a few years) that phase will be done for me. I find it both so wonderful and painful to hear about friends and family expecting. I'm genuinely excited but deeply jealous at the same time. Regardless of what we do I need to work on this.
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February 9th, 2016, 07:40 PM
#43
Swaying Advice Coach
Do you think that once the door is really closed you might feel better?? I feel like for many of us it's that tantalizing possibility that really keeps breaking our hearts.
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February 10th, 2016, 12:35 PM
#44
Dreamer
Originally Posted by
atomic sagebrush
Do you think that once the door is really closed you might feel better?? I feel like for many of us it's that tantalizing possibility that really keeps breaking our hearts.
Yes. I do.
That was our goal a year ago with the vasectomy...closing the door and making me feel better But you are right, at some point this will happen and one option is to waffle until that point I suppose....
DH and I finally had time to talk last night again (after the appt a week ago). We sat in the kitchen for about an hour and went over everything. He is seriously an amazing partner, I'm so lucky and I think I've said this before, but the whole struggle is bringing us closer as we are both handling it so well, really hearing one another out with loads of empathy and understanding.
Bottom line : He has left it up to me. He will be happy either way and I have been given the OK to schedule the VR if I want. The first available VR is not until mid-April which means we couldn't start trying until May which is fine, our Spring is already busy with a kitchen remodel project and some travels. The timing would be good.
But, now that I have the go-ahead and know this is a real possibility I'm not 100% sure I want to pull the trigger.
I'm just going to let it all sink in and hopefully something external will happen that will help with my decision. I feel if it's left to me alone, I don't have the tools to make the call....
If we do move forward with number 3 I'm looking forward to swaying for a girl as it's something I never considered with my previous pregnancies (I REALLY wanted a boy for the first and I equally wanted a boy for the second so that they would have one another). I know now after processing things here (thank goodness for this site) that the girl thing would just be icing...and knowing that I would be very happy with a third boy makes this decision easier actually. I may have bouts of GD over things like luscious dresses and sparkly shoes but honestly, I do everything I would do with a little girl with my boys already (and my boys are VERY fashionable themselves!)
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February 11th, 2016, 01:51 PM
#45
Dream Vet
Hello there ... 40 year old, two boys, Vasectomy Reversal ahead of us.
If there is such a long wait time for the appointment, perhaps you should book the appointment and sit on the "go for it" side of the fence for a while and see how that makes you feel?
I am so glad you have such a supportive hubby!!
Mommy to 5 with number 6 due in June!!
Thank you God and Our Lady
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February 11th, 2016, 08:45 PM
#46
Dreamer
Originally Posted by
mommymachine
If there is such a long wait time for the appointment, perhaps you should book the appointment and sit on the "go for it" side of the fence for a while and see how that makes you feel?
I am so glad you have such a supportive hubby!!
Mommy to 5 with number 6 due in June!!
I had considered this and called to inquire, but it's $1,600 (non-refundable) to book the appt.
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February 11th, 2016, 08:46 PM
#47
Dream Vet
Hello there ... 40 year old, two boys, Vasectomy Reversal ahead of us.
Yes I was wondering if that were the case (that you would have to put money down) I'm sorry.
Mommy to 5 with number 6 due in June!!
Thank you God and Our Lady
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Due January 2021
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February 11th, 2016, 09:21 PM
#48
Dreamer
I had lunch with my dad today. 2 hours. We talked about a lot of things...my boys, my career, his project (retired CEO helping launch a pretty amazing start up with my little brother), family stuff, finances (he's my advisor), summer plans and travels. We were just about done and kinda wrapping up some questions I had for him on my finances when I said "there is another factor in all these conversations dad". That opened up the flood gates about everything I've been feeling.
I told him I wasn't sure I was done, I had regret about the V (he knows about it since I was so confused a year ago and asked him for advice then), felt depressed and low. That I'm really happy with my own life but don't want to let this window pass if I think I'll regret not having another kid. That I do really want a girl, but I'd be thrilled with a boy. That I'm jealous of other family and friends having babies but that I know I can't feel this way forever.
He just listened intently. Seriously. Then he sat back and said "well, first of all you should not regret, feel guilt or beat yourself up over the decision you two made a year ago. At the time it was right, it may still be right, but if it's not it is because life changes and sometimes decisions you make at one point in your life may not be right at another" Then he went on "But on the other hand, you also cannot allow yourself to go back and forth on things forever". We talked a lot about this, it's part of my nature as a creative to constantly question everything and not be satisfied....anyway, back to the conversation. Basically he made me feel normal and OK for feeling what I was feeling. We then talked about risk and how often those who take huge risks don't have much to lose in the first place and for me, I have so much to lose by taking on some huge risks with a third pregnancy. The conversation tied into some other risk related issues we both have going on in our lives so it started to make more sense to me.
I have so much to lose.
My life is incredible right now. Not perfect but it's imperfect, messy, happy, sad, wild, joyful and fulfilling...what life should be. It has been really hard recently, but it's not anymore. We endured that. I finally have what I've dreamed of - an incredibly rewarding career where I feel like I'm contributing to society and good at what I do, a loving husband and partner, two healthy children, financial comfort and parents who are alive and well. We have a lot to look forward to.
I feel like it is time for me to move on and start living my life instead of planning for the what ifs. I have so much in front of me. I am incredibly grateful for this site, for allowing me to start in one place and end up in another without judgment (I don't know how many even read this but I am grateful for the positivity here). I am intrigued by all the swaying and I know I'll pop in to read up on stuff from time to time for the fun of it...and to see how some of the people I've chatted with are doing, but I think my time here is mostly done and I've realized what my story is about.
My story is about being an older mom. Having some really hard stuff happen but loving pregnancy more than anything. Loving newborns, loving breastfeeding and late nights. Feeling slighted for not having a natural birth and the 'experience" I expected. It's about me seeing that even though my experiences were not textbook they were mine and my son's. It's about maturing through this and lowering my expectations but not my standards. About putting my children's health first over what I want out of childbearing for me. It's about being unsure of things sometimes and learning that this is OK and I can't make decisions that change my feelings...in the future I have to give my feelings space before decisions. It's about me knowing that I'll have pangs of envy and sadness when I see a gorgeous round pregnant mom when I'm out and about but this is OK. It's about me being an aunt who buys her (soon-to-be-born) nieces some of the most gorgeous clothing to get my fix. It's about me being a REALLY good boy mom and knowing that. It's about me knowing that another child would be amazing and wonderful but my life already already is amazing and wonderful. It's about allowing myself to process this without judgement. And finally it's about realizing that I finally feel like both my head and my heart is telling me to move on with this life I've created with DH and relish every single moment.
Thanks all and best wishes to everyone on finding their own childbearing story, through swaying, IVF or simply processing things here like me. I wish you all the best with all your beautiful families. And thank you again to Atomic for the compassion, insight and research you provide. This is a wonderful place for many women. Peace! and Hope!
Last edited by Sweetplum; February 11th, 2016 at 09:30 PM.
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February 11th, 2016, 09:52 PM
#49
Moderator
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February 11th, 2016, 10:25 PM
#50
Swaying Advice Coach
Thanks SP, I've really enjoyed this thread.
if it helps at all, I think that for many of us, myself very much included here, it cuts so sharp because our lives AREN'T incredible. It is that we don't have all this stuff, and we also don't have THAT. If you do have this amazing, wonderful life, then you go, girl. This is a speed bump to you. None of us ever get everything we want in this world and that is ok. Just by virtue of being born when and where we are, we have more than most. Luscious dresses and sparkly shoes aren't all they're cracked up to be, and I just enjoyed a conversation with my 20 year old SON on the telephone more than I've enjoyed buying any of them. it's not that I'm not happy with my own decisions, because I am, but I can see how a different set of decisions would also make a person happy and I just want you guys to know that. Wishing you the best moving on.
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Hey, thanks Atomic for your reassuring message. I’m feeling a little better health wise although the thrush medication wasn’t helpful at all, I think it actually made things worse…?! Of more...
Back again: blue sway planning