How old is too old, do you think?

[beingmommy]

I am 41, turning 42 this fall. My DH is 46. We have two boys ( 7 yrs and almost 1 yr). Both gorgeous and healthy (DS1 has ASD). I'd really love to try for a girl. DS2 was a C-section so I need to wait until he is 18 months-2 yrs old (and wouldn't try earlier than that anyway). So I'd likely be 43 by the time the baby was born.

DH is really not onboard because he thinks we are too old. He is afraid of birth defects or something happening to me. I know risks go up substantially in your 40s but is it a given that it will go badly?

I feel very sad at the thought of not at least trying for a girl. If we had another boy I'd know that was just our path but I think I forever regret at least not trying for a girl.

[mythreesons]

I got pregnant at 43 and will be turning 44 this month. I prepared for this pregnancy by eating healthy and exercing. Prior to that, both my kids were conceived with fertility treatments. One by having my tubes flushed in 2005, and he other by IVF in 2009. DS#3 is 5 months old now and passed all his tests thus far. So if I can do it, anyone can. Don't count yourself out. Good luck.

Edit: I meant to say 5 months in vitro. He will be born in October 2014.

Edit: Ok, not good with terms. Thought "in vitro" meant in belly. Turns out it means in-vitro dish. DS#3 was a natural conception. So yes, it is possible.

[Keshet]

I'm trying. About to turn 42. I worry about the same things that you do. But, I can't get this baby thing out of my head.

[beingmommy]

Mythreesons, that is great about your littlest so far. It does give me hope.

Keshet, I feel like I am obsessed right now with just one more baby. I think about it every day and my DS2 is still a baby. I have a baby but I want more babies!

[atomic sagebrush]

It is NOT a given at all. I had a daughter at 42 and it was an easy pregnancy, easy birth.

[atomic sagebrush]

Mythreesons, that is great about your littlest so far. It does give me hope.

Keshet, I feel like I am obsessed right now with just one more baby. I think about it every day and my DS2 is still a baby. I have a baby but I want more babies!

Do it NOW, time is not our friend here!!

[ever hopeful]

Despite your C section fairly recently, I'd definitely not hang around. There were 21 months between my C-sections for DS2 and DS3 and I was absolutely fine afterwards (DS1 was also a C-section). You are certainly not too old, I had my 3 boys easily and naturally at 38, 41 and 43 and my HT DD at 45.... Good luck. xx

[beingmommy]

Thanks Atomic and ever hopeful!

My pregnancies were hard on me in terms of nausea and pelvic pain but both were very healthy. And both my boys are healthy. I think I would wait until DS2 was 18 months but that is only 6 months from now. And I could work on getting myself as healthy as possible until then. Then do the LE and RELAX (since I am prone to that whole testosterone OCD/controlly type stuff). I do tend to get pregnant quickly. At least so far I have, though I know I am older now. But at 40 with DS2 it only took a couple of months and it was right after a pregnancy loss so I think my body was still getting reorganized.

OH, but I still need to get DH onboard. And I really want him to be sure or it's a no go. He hasn't shut the door but he is currently very against. But maybe in 6 months when things are easier with the boys . . .

[ever hopeful]

If it helps my DH was VERY opposed to number 4, but now she's here is totally smitten - it took some time and a lot of tears to get him there as HT also went totally against his beliefs! Good luck xx

[beingmommy]

My DH would love a little girl. I think he just sees how exhausted I am right now (I homeschool and DS1 has autism). But *I* think most of it is just first year of a new baby stuff and DS2 has been very high need (even more than DS1 who was also high needs). It's already getting easier as DS2 gets closer to 1 yr.
But I think DH is afraid that we should quit while we're ahead. AND he's much more worried about something happening to me. I think the C-section was scarier for him than he admitted at the time.