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  1. #1
    Big Dreamer

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    Reactions to your pregnancy?

    I just wondered what kind of reactions you've gotten to your pregnancies as an older-than-average mom. I'm already dreading even the possibility of hearing negative comments as I feel very sensitive about it. There's this old lady in my church choir who had her daughter at 37 and for years has gone on and on about how it was unplanned, it was a huge deal, she had an amnio because she was so ancient. It was in the news a few weeks back that Janet Jackson is trying to have a baby at 49 and this lady wrinkled her nose and said, "Ugh. 49? That poor child." And I said, "I don't know; could be pretty cool to be Janet Jackson's kid." And the lady didn't humor me at all; she was just like, "I think it's selfish. She'll be dead by the time the kid graduates from college."

    Then another guy I work with who I've known for years, who always was remarkable to me because he and his wife had babies in their 20s which doesn't seem to be the norm around here. Now he's mid-40s and his kids are in college. He was telling me about some guy we both know whose wife is expecting their first and he's 45. "FORTY FIVE!?" he said. "Man, I'd kill myself..." I said, "I don't know, I think there's something to be said about having kids later. They won't have financial stress...maybe they have more patience." The guy just shook his head. "Yeah, but FORTY FIVE!?!?!?" I'm thinking, "Watch it buddy. My DH is going to be 44 this year and we're TTC." Of course I didn't say that. But I swear, if anyone says anything to me about being pregnant later in life I may bite their head off!

    Incidentally, I did have my second at 35 and never had a comment about it. Even my doctor waved it off when I mentioned something about being "advanced maternal age." It was me, actually, who requested all the intense prenatal screening. My doc was way more casual about everything and didn't seem to think my age was a big deal. I'll be 39 later this year.

  2. #2
    Big Dreamer

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    Had my last DS at 37 & while not much was said about my age during pregnancy(those comments were more about me continuing to increase the worlds population, blah, blah,blah). I did get a comment after he was born from some woman that I can't stand asking did I realize how OLD I will be when he is 20. My response was I realize & I also know that you will still be that much older than me!!

    Point being people will always have something to say if not to you than behind your back. If no one else is raising your children who are they to comment. If you & DH are on the same page & feeling good about your choice than you just have to tune the others out. Really people will comment on anything I am sure that guy, your coworker had a ton of things said to him when he had kids so young. People are just rude & a lot of the things they say are out of their own insecurities.

    My Grandma had my youngest Uncle at 45 & she was around till he was in his 40's & they had an amazing relationship. I will be 40 in October so before I have this next one. My Dr. isnt concerned either & I have talked to him many times & I feel good about my choice. Fingers crossed people only have nice things to say but in the event they don't just remember it is only you & DH that have to be OK with adding to your family.
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  4. #3
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    As you might know I have my last two babies in the past 2 years at 41 and 43. I will tell you that I heard absolutely no negative comments at all (at least not to my face anyway) and in fact I had friends and mutual friends stalking me to find out who my RE was. I was shocked over how many women in their early 40s wanted to be pregnant, and a few that had tubal ligation after their last pregnancy.

    I think its all good if you want another go for it. People will have a reason to gossip/bitch whatever no matter what. Follow your heart and be happy.

    I wish you all the luck!
    2 Boys 6 & 9 yrs old 6 year old IVF and has NF1 - PGD to test for NF1 and Gender

    Cycle #1-August 2010-Transferred 1 Girl= BFN
    Cycle #2- Nov 2010- No Unaffected Females to Transfer No Unaffected Males to Freeze
    Cycle# 3- May 2011- 5 Fertilized --Frozen on Day 2 to Batch with Next Cycle
    Cycle #4- June 2011- Transferred 3 Girls=-BFN
    Cycle#5- September 2011-- Day 5 Biopsy-- Grade A Hatched Blastocyst Girl= BFN
    Cycle #6- Different Doctor-Dr Braverman January 2012-Transferred 3 Girls=BFN
    Cycle #7-April 2012 Transferred 6 Girls =BFN
    Cycle #8-July 2012 Transferred 3 Girls=BFN--WTF!
    Cycle #9-October 2012 Transferred 2 Girls- Beta-=13 Chemical Pregnancy...

    April 2013- 40 yrs old- New RE- SIRM-NYC/Westchester- Transferred 2 Girl Blasts & 2 Girl Morulas= BFP!!!!

    April 2015- 42 yrs old- SIRM- 1 Girl Transferred- BFP!!

    Samantha 12/17/13 8pounds 3oz


    Ava 12/28/15 8pounds 4oz


    My Miracle..http://genderdreaming.com/forum/ht-f...acle-here.html

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    I had NO negative comments whatsoever and I didn't start having my children until I was 38, and three of them in my 40s, with DD born just before I was 46 and DH is 5 years older than me! Admitedly, I don't think I look my age, so lots of my newish Mummy friends think that I'm the same age as them - in their early 40s. Maybe it's more of a UK thing, but from erxperience I've found that the most of the women I know and at my children's schools, didn't start having their kids until mid 30's with lots late 30s/early 40s as most had serious careers beforehand. I'm not sure I know anyone who had them in their 20s. My OB (same for all 4) wasn't at all bothered either about my age .....My Mum had me when she was 45 and was around and very active until a month before she died suddenly and unexpectedly when I was 38 and throughout my childhood much more involved and fun than other parents who were almost two decades younger than her! Good luck and go for it. x

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    Personally, when I got my bfp last December (age 37) I was very worried about my families reaction. When I had an early mc it no longer mattered. I told them all what had happened after awhile as I couldn't take the 'everything's great' phone calls anymore and explained how worried I was intially about how they would react but when I lost the pregnancy that I no longer cared. They all (two sisters and one brother) were very supportive and all expressed they would have welcomed a 3rd niece/nephew and would never have said otherwise. I think we assume too much sometimes what other people will think and put far too much stock in it. Go for it while you can, embrace the positive feedback and shrug off/disregard the negative (if any). Life is too short to worry about what the naysayers 'might' say. Bugger em' I say!

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    Everhopeful,

    You had your last baby before turning 46? How totally awesome!

    Did you have any losses in your 40's? I have had 3 mc since 40 and very discouraging Drs so your story has given me hope!

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    Quote Originally Posted by ever hopeful View Post
    I had NO negative comments whatsoever and I didn't start having my children until I was 38, and three of them in my 40s, with DD born just before I was 46 and DH is 5 years older than me! Admitedly, I don't think I look my age, so lots of my newish Mummy friends think that I'm the same age as them - in their early 40s. Maybe it's more of a UK thing, but from erxperience I've found that the most of the women I know and at my children's schools, didn't start having their kids until mid 30's with lots late 30s/early 40s as most had serious careers beforehand. I'm not sure I know anyone who had them in their 20s. My OB (same for all 4) wasn't at all bothered either about my age .....My Mum had me when she was 45 and was around and very active until a month before she died suddenly and unexpectedly when I was 38 and throughout my childhood much more involved and fun than other parents who were almost two decades younger than her! Good luck and go for it. x
    I loved this post. Thank you!

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    I also didn't have any negative comments at 39 and 41/42 (with the exception of my father in law who was in the early stages of dementia and had just found out he was dying at only 67). I know people had their doubts and probably still do, but no one said anything per se. The doctors were really nice and supportive.

    Sounds like Janet may have pulled it off too!

    The thing that is so silly about it is that lifespan and (more importantly) quality of life has improved drastically. It wasn't uncommon for people to die younger and be infirm for much longer than they are nowadays. And even nowadays people do just pass away even in their 20's and 30's, there's no getting around that. It does happen, unfortunately.

    I think it's all part and parcel of this modern trend where somehow if children aren't brought into this absolutely magical ideal perfectly perfect scenario in life that means you shouldn't have them. It's nonsensical when you stop to think about it because the ideal seems to get more and more out of reach and impossible to achieve until we're having 1000 dollar birthday parties with bouncy castles for one year olds LOL.
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    Quote Originally Posted by ever hopeful View Post
    I had NO negative comments whatsoever and I didn't start having my children until I was 38, and three of them in my 40s, with DD born just before I was 46 and DH is 5 years older than me! Admitedly, I don't think I look my age, so lots of my newish Mummy friends think that I'm the same age as them - in their early 40s. Maybe it's more of a UK thing, but from erxperience I've found that the most of the women I know and at my children's schools, didn't start having their kids until mid 30's with lots late 30s/early 40s as most had serious careers beforehand. I'm not sure I know anyone who had them in their 20s. My OB (same for all 4) wasn't at all bothered either about my age .....My Mum had me when she was 45 and was around and very active until a month before she died suddenly and unexpectedly when I was 38 and throughout my childhood much more involved and fun than other parents who were almost two decades younger than her! Good luck and go for it. x
    There is really something to this because I found that my mom, who had me at 25, and then had my brother and sister in her late 30's, was too busy working and raising younger kids to really even be there for me when I was raising my older kids (that I also had when I was 21 and 25). She is much more present now at around 70 than she was then. I could BE her really and have a grandbaby now, and I have to admit I"d be hard pressed to be that helpful because I'm still working and raising MY younger kids. It may be even BETTER depending on the stage of life you're in, to have kids at older ages.
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    Quote Originally Posted by dreams529 View Post
    Had my last DS at 37 & while not much was said about my age during pregnancy(those comments were more about me continuing to increase the worlds population, blah, blah,blah). I did get a comment after he was born from some woman that I can't stand asking did I realize how OLD I will be when he is 20. My response was I realize & I also know that you will still be that much older than me!!

    Point being people will always have something to say if not to you than behind your back. If no one else is raising your children who are they to comment. If you & DH are on the same page & feeling good about your choice than you just have to tune the others out. Really people will comment on anything I am sure that guy, your coworker had a ton of things said to him when he had kids so young. People are just rude & a lot of the things they say are out of their own insecurities.

    My Grandma had my youngest Uncle at 45 & she was around till he was in his 40's & they had an amazing relationship. I will be 40 in October so before I have this next one. My Dr. isnt concerned either & I have talked to him many times & I feel good about my choice. Fingers crossed people only have nice things to say but in the event they don't just remember it is only you & DH that have to be OK with adding to your family.
    Yeah I also felt way more pressure about being a "breeder" than I ever had over my age!

    I had tons of comments being a young mom too. I was blessed/cursed with a baby face and EVERYONE and their dog had something to say about teen moms (which I wasn't) and this and that and how they couldn't possibly handle a baby at 21 or 25. That was a jillion times worse.
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