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  1. #1
    Dreamer

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    Please Delete

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    Last edited by Complex Emotions; November 8th, 2017 at 12:47 AM.

  2. #2
    Dream Vet

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    Finding a New Plan

    Dear CE. Thanks for sharing. I understand your concerns but if I was you I would care less about a perfect sway and gender. Personally I think it is more important to give your son a sibling close in age than waiting for the right month or condition. I would try to loosen up on your strict sway, eat more healthy food, relax, have faith that your body know how to get pregnant. You still have a very good shot at pink bc you are vegetarian and at a very low BMI.


    DS1 (9) ❤️ DS2 (8) DS3 (5) ❤️ DW (41) DH (38) TTC'ing pink from May 2016
    Last edited by Dreamsister; June 27th, 2016 at 06:03 AM.
    3 beautiful & now pregnant with a baby girl due June 2017

    Thank you everyone in this site and in particular Atomic for amazing support during my sway. I am for ever grateful.

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  4. #3
    Dream Vet

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    I agree with dream sister, obsessing over sway, sways blue. I would try and relax as much as possible, you could have the most perfect sway ever and still get a boy or do bare minimum girl sway and get a girl. My timing was pretty spot on last month and I still did not get pregnant, there is still so much chance and so much that is beyond your control in relation to conception and pregnancy. Good luck!

  5. #4
    Big Dreamer

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    I know how hard it is to sway girl and not give stuff up.

    When I was 36 i was on the girl diet for 6 monyths and couldnt get pg so i kept inching closer and closer to O. Got pg = boy #3

    When I was 41 i accidentally gt pg on a rest cycle before an IVF 3-4 days before O. I was not on the diet at all. I was eating healthy and doing everything I could to prepare for the IVF. I got PG and that = twin boys

    After all hitech failed and I and nothing left to lose i decided to try one more sway for a girl. I had the diet and timing correct = girl but i lost that pg.

    Now i am desperate to be pg again but i cant seem to drop a single thing bc I have done so in the past and everytime i dropped something the sway failed.

    I think if i really didnt care about gender i would just go ahead. But if you will be crushed by giving your son a BROTHER close in age, then give your sway the best shot you can or you will be kicking yourself and regretting it.

    You do have time to ttc #3 if you get pg quickly again with another boy.

    For me this is my very last chance so that is why i must be so strict. I've tried everything else.

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  7. #5
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    I already responded to your yeast infection question in the other thread but long story short, no, I don't really recommend that, it was based on one of the earliest essays in the history of the site and back when I was still trying to incorporate the old-school sway advice that I now have the leeway not to.

    atomic tough love warning.

    Here is the thing. Your options are as follows. Give up SOME of this stuff that is making you miserable and not helping anyway, or giving up ALL of it. To me, it makes no sense to infinity and beyond to be torn between continuing things like sodium limits or just giving up swaying totally. We have sooo much wiggle room between these two extremes. I think you are singling out things like the seasons as an excuse to focus in on so you can give up swaying with some sort of reasoning in your mind. I can guarantee you the reason why you got a boy with your first pregnancy was not because you conceived in October.

    It also doesn't make any sense to be on the one hand consumed with health and concerns about arsenic and rice and being 35 then allowing your weight to drop so low. If you're concerned with your health and ability to get and stay pregnant then the absolute first thing you need to do is EAT MORE. Limiting sodium is another thing that has recently been shown to be potentially harmful and you've been doing it for so long - again it doesn't mesh with being concerned about health on one hand and doing something that may harm health on the other.

    Does it even make sense that upping intake of full fat dairy to one serving a day will make you have twins??

    Additionally, and I hesitate to even mention this because I know it's really not controllable, all this plotting and planning you're doing with this back and forth pros and cons is 110% swaying blue more than anything like sodium, full fat dairy, TTC in a certain month.

    Here is what I think is happening, and it isn't just you, it's many pink swayers. We are prone to "worst first" thinking. So in every instance, your mind is jumping to the absolutely worst case scenario and you are allowing those fears to mess with your head and affect your decisionmaking process.

    "A yeast infection means I have to skip a month"
    "If I eat salt my sway will fail"
    "If I eat dairy I will have twins"
    "If I eat rice I am poisoning myself with arsenic"
    "If I don't get pregnant in a certain month my sway will fail"
    "Since I'm over 35 my eggs are not healthy"
    "If there is too large an age gap my family I always dreamed of will be ruined"

    See how all these things are absolutely worst case scenario?? And furthermore do you see how they simply cannot be true?? (and certainly not all of them simultaneously! that would be like a meteor falling from the sky directly onto a lottery winner right when they got struck by lightning) We have tons of people who have done ALL these things "wrong" and still gotten healthy babies and girls. I TTC 3 times over the age of 35, I ate salt when I got my DD, I ate full fat dairy and did not have twins, and in fact the time I did conceive twins I was NOT eating full fat dairy!, I got my daughter in a boy month, and I have a THIRTEEN year age gap between DS 1/2 and then my younger three. My family wasn't ruined, is it exactly like I dreamed of, no, but then again we don't get to have things exactly like we dreamed of in this world. Sometimes things being different than we hoped is not a catastrophe, it's a pleasant surprise that we didn't even envision!

    It is obvious that swaying does mess with your head. Ok. The solution is to come up with a way for that not to happen. And that hinges on simplicity and putting things on autopilot and compromising in favor of doing the things that really work, letting go of the things that don't and/or cut odds of conception by a lot. To come this far, do everything you've done, only to give up without even TRYING to compromise, may be something you will end up regretting in the long run and I think you should at least give it a shot and see if you can find a sweet spot where you're still swaying without it messing with your head so much. (I also think you're still going to be having it mess with your head even if you officially give up on it, and that is why you're focusing on the seasons as still possibly swaying even when you believe you are giving up, but I digress)

    Simple sway:

    Vegetarian but stop weight loss and RELAX on the sodium!! No more limiting sodium, it's not good for you in the long term anyway and it makes it astronomically harder to stick with diet. NO more counting calories or protein or fat. Throw all that away.

    Exercise if you can. If you can't, drop it.

    Have unprotected sex every four days with or without one additional attempt either at positive OPK or when you think you're ovulating (if you have any inkling when this is; if not, wait till your sex drive is high and act on that.) You don't HAVE to have that additional attempt if you prefer not to. Another option instead would be to go to every 3 days and forgo the stress of OPK or guessing if you're about to O. That is ok too.

    And...that's it. In the meantime, take your little boy out and about to the park or Chuck E Cheeses or to see Finding Dory or wherever and enjoy being a mom!!
    Last edited by atomic sagebrush; June 27th, 2016 at 02:54 PM.
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  9. #6
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    There you go again with all of that perfect reasoning Atomic! Lol

    To the OP, everything Atomic said makes sense. You dont need to drop 100%.

    I think it is a lot harder when you have never made a girl before to know what would and would not work as far as swaying goes. For Atomic what worked for her was doing opposite of how she got her sons....for me it was sticking with a strict sway and not dropping diet OR timing.

    My problem has always been impatience and questioning if this is reaaaaaallly necessary whilst staring down a plate of steak & fries....

    Fwiw, i KNOW for a fact that it is possible for me to have 1-2 cheat days every month and *still* conceive a girl. I made her a few days after christmas...after i spent all if christmas eve/day eating turkey, gravy and all of the sweet, salty, ufatty foods you can imagine... I started up on diet again on Dec 26....O on Dec 29-30....

    I was on the diet for 4 months but my christmas cheat made no difference at all.

    Believe me i was terrified and beating myself up like crazy when i saw the BFP but it was a girl.

    I actually made a GIRL...a first for me ever in my life!

    Now i just need to reproduce it.

    You will find out what works for you eventually.

  10. #7
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    MrsGoodies - I'm so very sorry that you lost your daughter during your pregnancy. I can't imagine how that would feel.
    Last edited by Complex Emotions; November 8th, 2017 at 12:48 AM.

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  12. #8
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    Just to clarify, I most certainly did NOT do the opposite of everything that I did when I got my sons. In fact I'd say my diet with DS 2 was a pretty LE type diet but I still got a boy with him anyway.

    I do not believe in "doing the opposite" and do not ever recommend it as a sway approach at all because invariably people focus on "doing the opposite" on things that had nothing to do with why they got girls and in fact even things that may have been swaying pink. That's right, people end up doing the opposite on things that were actually swaying pink to begin with. When you come into swaying 80% likely to have a boy, and then this one thing you did swayed pink, even if it was a huge % like 20%, you still end up 60% likely to have a boy. So focusing on that thing (or a series of things) and then doing the opposite on them will simply do nothing other than undermining your sway!

    The problem with sticking to a strict sway is that time after time, these are the people who have opposites with otherwise great sways. I know people who swayed strictly for 2 years (and I'm not making this up) only to get an opposite. If perfection made successful sways I'd be down with it even if it does reduce odds of conception, but IT DOESN'T. I know the assumption is that I compromise on swaying in favor of safety/quick time to conception but that simply isn't the case, the #1 reason I hate the superstrict sways with the insane level of details to everything is because they DO NOT WORK.
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  14. #9
    Swaying Advice Coach
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    Quote Originally Posted by Complex Emotions View Post
    Phew! Thank you so much Atomic. Your suggestions for compromise do make a lot of sense. I have been taking tiny baby steps this month, like eating after a twelve hour fast instead of fourteen or more hours. I'm also eating four times a day instead of three. After I saw your post I even tried eating a little more salt while thinking mantra style "Doing this will help your body be able to have a healthy baby."

    I'm not able to do everything you've suggested, at least not right away. But I promise that I am thinking seriously about it.

    Also, my son and husband and I are having a wonderful summer together so far. I know you wouldn't guess it from the venting I do here, but despite the GD baggage, we are a very close and happy family.
    I actually DO guess that and I hope all you guys realize that I do well and truly know that none of this sway jazz has anything to do with the love and enjoyment we have for our sons and everything to do with that dream that we've had many of us since we were tiny little girls.
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  16. #10
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    Confused

    Quote Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush View Post
    Just to clarify, I most certainly did NOT do the opposite of everything that I did when I got my sons. In fact I'd say my diet with DS 2 was a pretty LE type diet but I still got a boy with him anyway.

    I do not believe in "doing the opposite" and do not ever recommend it as a sway approach at all because invariably people focus on "doing the opposite" on things that had nothing to do with why they got girls and in fact even things that may have been swaying pink. That's right, people end up doing the opposite on things that were actually swaying pink to begin with. When you come into swaying 80% likely to have a boy, and then this one thing you did swayed pink, even if it was a huge % like 20%, you still end up 60% likely to have a boy. So focusing on that thing (or a series of things) and then doing the opposite on them will simply do nothing other than undermining your sway!

    The problem with sticking to a strict sway is that time after time, these are the people who have opposites with otherwise great sways. I know people who swayed strictly for 2 years (and I'm not making this up) only to get an opposite. If perfection made successful sways I'd be down with it even if it does reduce odds of conception, but IT DOESN'T. I know the assumption is that I compromise on swaying in favor of safety/quick time to conception but that simply isn't the case, the #1 reason I hate the superstrict sways with the insane level of details to everything is because they DO NOT WORK.
    Are you saying you didnt do the opposite with your girl? I guess I'm confused b/c with one of your sons you were on heavy calcium/mag supplements & lots of dairy and with your DD you dropped all that & were eating salty food?

    If you didnt think any of that had anything to do with swaying, why mention it at all and just say she was conceived with plain old luck?

    Now I am totally confused as to what things you believe sway girl (if any)?

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