Am I crazy for wanting to have another child?

[Katt2275]

Let me start by saying that I know that only I can make this decision for myself. I'm just looking for some feedback from those of you who have experienced the same doubts, fears, etc.

I'm approaching my fertile period for July, and I've noticed as each months window approaches, my anxiety goes up regarding the risks involved with having another baby. I had a life threatening complication at the end of my last pregnancy. It was HELLP syndrome - a very severe cousin of preeclampsia. I also have an autoimmune disease. (MS) These things are part of the reason why DH and I put off even thinking about another child for so long. That, and my DH lost 2 jobs over the years. My only child (DS) will be 10 in July. As I approached 40, I started feeling like my family wasn't complete, and I know with my age, it's kind of a now or never thing at this point.

I've thoroughly researched pregnancy and MS, and the risk of HELLP syndrome occurring again. MS tends to improve during pregnancy. (Because of hormones the immune system is lowered during pregnancy) The risk of HELLP syndrome is there, but I would be very closely monitored next time.

I know for some people it may sound crazy for me to even be considering it with these obstacles, but I don't want to give up my dream out of fear. Have any of you faced something like this, where it's a major leap of faith to get pregnant again?

Thanks for listening.

[1moregirl]

Oh Katt....I feel for you, and I can totally relate to your fears and anxiety, even though I don't have an autoimmune disease. I can also totally understand your desire to give your DS a sibling. When I read your message, I feel like you are answering your question and know the answer already Hun. You've researched it, you know that you will be highly monitored and you want this. And 40 is still a great age for having a healthy baby in my opinion. I had my last healthy baby boy 2 months off turning 41 and had no complications at all. It seems only since I've turned 43 that things have declined and I seem to be popping out old dodgy eggs here there and every where. Lol! I don't think you are crazy...I totally understand and I think you should go for it. Even though you have anxieties about it, you are far better off giving it a go rather than not trying and regretting it later on. Good luck my dear and everyone here will be here to support you every step of the way. xxoo

[Katt2275]

Thank you 1moregirl for your sweet reply. I'm actually 41 and 1/2, so I have no idea how my eggs are doing since 11 years ago when my son was conceived. We haven't attempted at all since then. I already feel a lot of regret for waiting this long after my DS was born. He's been an only child now for 10 years. I feel like I've cheated him out of a sibling already.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time conceiving this time. I was so sorry to read about your recent miscarriage. Best of luck to you, and thanks again for your feedback.

[DesiG]

I say go for it! It's better to have done something then not to not have and live with regret. Babies are such a blessing and bring so much joy to lifes! Good luck to you! You only live once and I'm sure your son would love having someone especially as he grows older.

[fknonl1ne]

During a really difficult 2nd pregnancy, a wise coworker told me something that has forever stuck with me.
Paraphrased: "I don't know any 80 year old who regrets having too many kids, however how many she had. However, I know many in their 50's even who already regret not having more or not having any. "
Children are a blessing. I have truly come to a place of the more you are blessed with that you can afford; the merrier. Any hardship is short-termed.
Plus frankly, I see so many ill-mannered kids around, I want to have more, train them in a godly way and over-balance the ungodliness :-) That's a joke, I'm not intending to go pig to over-balance ISIS all by myself.

[Babygirlquest]

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[atomic sagebrush]

It's not crazy, people can and do have babies even with very life threatening situations like pulmonary hypertension and heart problems and all kinds of things. HELLP is a very big deal, but forewarned is forearmed and if your doctor is on board with you then you guys can have a plan in place if it arises again.

I put off having more kids for 13 years in part because of this mystery heart problem that no doctors could figure out (or even seem to give a --- about) and no health insurance, and I was VERY nervous getting pregnant again at 36. Then at 39, I had a higher risk pregnancy that was also very scary and I had some weird side effect where I would nearly pass out for 8 months after I had the baby and again no one could tell me why. It really took a very big leap of faith to come back one last time at 41/42, I was sure something would happen to me or to the baby the whole time or that I would not be able to recover my health afterwards, but that was actually my easiest pregnancy and birth and here we are 4 years later and I seem to be right back to normal again. So I do completely get what you're saying, even without a known health problem it's very very nervewracking.

Wishing you the very best of luck and peace of mind in making what is a very difficult decision.

[atomic sagebrush]

Thank you 1moregirl for your sweet reply. I'm actually 41 and 1/2, so I have no idea how my eggs are doing since 11 years ago when my son was conceived. We haven't attempted at all since then. I already feel a lot of regret for waiting this long after my DS was born. He's been an only child now for 10 years. I feel like I've cheated him out of a sibling already.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time conceiving this time. I was so sorry to read about your recent miscarriage. Best of luck to you, and thanks again for your feedback.

My older sons were 13 and 16 when my first little one were born and 17 and 21 with my last, and while it's not quite the same as a same age sibling, they have both enjoyed the little ones a lot and it's great fun seeing them interact with each other. They're kinda like uncles, only they seem to be a lot more involved and caring than the average run of the mill uncle.

[fknonl1ne]

It's not crazy, people can and do have babies even with very life threatening situations like pulmonary hypertension and heart problems and all kinds of things. HELLP is a very big deal, but forewarned is forearmed and if your doctor is on board with you then you guys can have a plan in place if it arises again.

I put off having more kids for 13 years in part because of this mystery heart problem that no doctors could figure out (or even seem to give a --- about) and no health insurance, and I was VERY nervous getting pregnant again at 36. Then at 39, I had a higher risk pregnancy that was also very scary and I had some weird side effect where I would nearly pass out for 8 months after I had the baby and again no one could tell me why. It really took a very big leap of faith to come back one last time at 41/42, I was sure something would happen to me or to the baby the whole time or that I would not be able to recover my health afterwards, but that was actually my easiest pregnancy and birth and here we are 4 years later and I seem to be right back to normal again. So I do completely get what you're saying, even without a known health problem it's very very nervewracking.

Wishing you the very best of luck and peace of mind in making what is a very difficult decision.

Wow!!! Atomic, funny I never knew your story. How encouraging to read this. Thanks for sharing. My family structure/timing is quite similar to yours!

[fknonl1ne]

Oh and the baked in babysitters/uncle/aunty..what a blessing