My update...

[1moregirl]

hi ladies. So AF arrived for me last night and this morning. spotting last night and then medium flow this morning. That's the thing, my periods just aren't the same any more since last year's miscarriage and D&C. Today I have no pain and minimal bleeding flow. I used to have to take panadol for the first 2-3 days and would have heavy flow for those days as well. Anyway, with all the crap that I've had going on lately, I'm taking at least one month off ttc. It has just been increasing my anxiety levels, plus was home all last week with sick 8 year old and now my 3 year old has tonsillitis and I too am unwell. Plus last month's CP, to this most recent cycles disappointment, to losing one of our favourite Guinea pigs over the weekend, I haven't been coping well. I have got an appointment mid-August with my FS/Ob/gyn to discuss having a hysteroscopy without a GA, because the thought of GA terrifies me the most. Otherwise, I am more at peace at the moment. I will be getting back on the ubiquinol ASAP but I always suffer from the winter blues...just hate winter with a vengeance, so I've decided it is not a good idea for me to get pregnant this time of year. I've given up on my dream of a summer baby girl, but I haven't quite given up my dream of one last baby girl (or just baby) just yet. I will still pop in here every few days to see how my lovely GD friends are progressing, but just not ttc myself at the moment.

[MrsGoodies]

((Hugs))

1moregirl,


This ttc is so hard. I hope you will fnd peace on what to do.


Sending you all of my positive thoughts....

[atomic sagebrush]

Wishing you peace of mind!! Please keep us posted and have a lovely month off.

[1moregirl]

Thanks Atomic. I'm feeling ok at the moment...at peace anyway, despite being sick with some rotten sore throat and cough virus that the kids no doubt brought home from school to share. I'm certainly glad I'm not pregnant at the moment as I couldn't imagine experiencing nausea and vomiting on top of what I've already got. Eeeeek! Anyway, if I decided to ttc again, I will be waiting for warmer and sunnier weather (maybe Spring) and I will increase amount of ubiquinol I was taking. I was only taking 100mg before, so might increase it to 200 or 300. I'm still puzzled sometimes by the knowledge that some women have AMH levels that barely read 1 and are getting pregnant and mine is 6.5 and I am finding it trickier to get pregnant and to maintain it. I'm also thinking that if I'm serious about wanting another baby I may have to just get the hysteroscopy done, in case there is scarring or something that is preventing me from getting pregnant. I just find it hard to believe that I could have a AMH level of 6.5 and it still can take me 6 cycles to get pregnant. Surely I have more good eggs left than what this indicates? Do I make sense? I guess I have to weigh up what I really want. Maybe I have been too relaxed about getting pregnant again because of my fears. If I really want it, I need to stop beating about the bush and pussy-footing about, and just go for it in a big way. I think I will also do SMEP again, as just one attempt in that fertile window just doesn't seem to be enough to get me pregnant. What do you think Atomic? Does this all make sense to you?

[atomic sagebrush]

What we know about fertility is a drop in a very large ocean. Before about 10 years ago, we didn't even know about AMH and it is VERY likely that there are many other factors that come into play that we may not even know about yet. I think you put way too much stock into numbers and measurements because the unknown is major in all of this.

It takes fully fertile couples in their 20's doing nothing to sway with fantabulous egg quality 3-6 cycles to get pregnant. 6 months is normal. It's in normal range. Having gotten pregnant sooner before, just means you were actually luckier than normal with previous conceptions.

Having a good egg is just one small part of the equation. There are many other things many of which are not even understood or yet known about how a sperm meets an egg and creates a pregnancy. An AMH number is not a guarantee of success (as many have found when they tried to go HT with great pretesting and were unsuccessful)

[1moregirl]

Thanks Atomic. That does put things into perspective. It really does. Have you heard from essence? I was curious as to how she went with her hysteroscopy. I'm not sure what I will do. I am feeling a lot more peaceful at the moment since not trying to conceive, BUT the desire and the drive to try again and to have one final successful pregnancy and baby is still with me and still strong. I have an app on 24th Aug with FS/Ob/gyn so will see what he suggests for me from here. Part of me wishes I could just let it go (that dream and longing for one more little girl) but another big part of me just cannot or does not want to let it go. And I think it all stems from fear after that awful miscarriage that I endured last year. That miscarriage has really ruined pregnancy for me, if that makes sense. I don't see how any future pregnancy for me could be smooth-sailing, enjoyable and anxiety-free. But, once I am well again, I might up ubiquinol to 300 or 400mg and see what happens. Thanks for listening.

[atomic sagebrush]

It probably can't be worry free - that seems to be how it goes once you've had a loss, it brings it home so much more how delicate a process it all is.

I have not heard from essense but I've been thinking of her a lot, if you're out there please check in!!

[1moregirl]

Yes atomic. That's soooo true. Once any lady has had a miscarriage it puts you on high alert for next pregnancy. And I look back and remember how I took for granted during my three healthy pregnancies that nothing was going to go wrong (which it didn't thankfully, but did last year at the 10 week Mark).

[1moregirl]

So I'm onto CD 13 today. I am not doing BBT any more and not even using OPKs this time either (prob coz I don't have any money right now to get them. Lol). I noticed huge amounts of EWCM yesterday and the day before and I couldn't bare to let a cycle go by wasted with no ttc attempts, so DH and I had one attempt last night. But I'm not expecting anything out of it this time. I'm just going to be really laid-back and just see what happens. I think beforehand when I was getting stressed and anxious I was just to consumed by everything involved in ttc and swaying....BBTs, charting, OPKs, etc.....I need to be more relaxed about everything. It's not ideal for be to gets BFP during winter, especially at the moment since I am sick with this rotten cough, so it doesn't matter to me either way, but I just need to try given that it could take me another 4 or more cycles to get another BFP. I also think I may need to BD more than once in my fertile window just to get a BFP, as it seems to be the one thing that's worked for me lately. When I got a BFP in May cycle we BD 4 out of 5 days in my fertile window...which I think is SMEP? What do you think of all this Atomic? I guess having a pregnant friend and one whose just given birth and hearing about a few ladies in their 60s recently giving birth (one def having used a donor embryo, but still....) has made me not want to give up yet.

[purple]

Good luck! Not temping makes everything a lot less stressful. If you just want to get pregnant now I would say do as many attempts as your DH will allow (he seems to be more on board with ttcing now).

The women who have babies and are 50+ would almost defiantly use egg donors (unless they have frozen embryos left from their younger days like a women in the paper yesterday who had her daughter at 54).