I thought I had a good sway....but I thought wrong

[ratcliffe1811]

Oh hunni, im sorry it didnt go your way, I'm sure you will find it easier once he is here

[Coffepot]

The great thing about this site is that all you women understand. I feel like if I tell a friend or family member how I feel they'll just say the cookie cutter..."Oh, it doesn't matter as long as he's healthy." And-that is true. It's how I SHOULD feel and how I WANT to feel....but I'm not there yet. So, until I get there, I keep sharing with you guys. Thank you for your supportive words. they really do help.

[mommymachine]

You had a terrific sway. Please don't think that you did anything wrong. The bond between my sons is incredible.

[PrimalMamma]

I had the most amazing experience the other night, I wanted to share it somewhere on this site and I thought this thread might work. On Friday night we went to a local school fete where my 5 year old son was participating in a Taekwon-Do demonstration. Before he went on they had the school band & school choir on. I am not remotely sporty but did music & choral singing at school, so I gazed longingly at the girls singing in the choir, fantasizing that just maybe, one day, I would have a girl who did stuff I could relate to. I imagined how proud & emotional I would feel having a girl singing in the choir or playing in the band, how I could braid her hair before hand & let her wear a little lip gloss, as my bored son was tumbling around on the grass & wrestling, waiting for his turn to go on. Anyway, on he went & I took my obligatory seat at the front of the stage, camera at the ready to take photos for grandma. The music started, the children bowed to the audience and the instructor started counting out their moves in Korean. Then, something amazing happened. My heart started pounding. A lump jumped into my throat. I could not stop the eruption of proud tears ********* down my face. My little boy, so serious, so precise, concentrating so hard, had me enthralled and entranced. I wept and my chest felt it would explode with pride. At the end of the demo I realised I wasn't the only proud one; DS2 ran as fast as his little 3 year old legs could carry him to DS1, flung his little arms around his big brother & kissed him again & again until he laughed "Eamon, get OFF! Stop kissing me!" DS2 grinned up at his big brother, his shiny eyes beaming with adoration & said (no word of a lie) "I so PWOUD of you, Darcy!" It was the most adorable, humbling, thought-provoking moment of my parenting story to date. I did not expect for a moment to react that way to Taekwon-Do and yet I did! Because he is my son. And while I yearn for a daughter for all the girlie things she MIGHT do, the context of how parenting presents itself to me actually makes no difference to the overall experience. The emotions are still the same. I'm not saying you shouldn't grieve, or that I won't when I find out this baby is a boy, but I am slowly learning that I am not missing out on as much as I perceive I am. I do hope you find the same on your journey, Coffeepot x

[Mrs_Incredible]

That's so beautiful primal! I must admit, i get a lump in my throat and proud tears threaten me at almost every nursery show or primary school assembly or show I've been too. Just that wave of emotion that that's my boy ds1 &2, are at primary, ds3 has just started nursery and i can't wait to see him in his first show. Ds2s first show at primary was the nativity, he delivered his lines and my mum actually started clapping and started to stand she was so proud - right in the middle of a scene!! This is the woman who didn't have a son or want one, and now has 4 grandsons and adores them and they all adore her. She got a bond she didn't know she missed out on by not having her own boy (she also thinks the world of my dh too) xx

[3BoysBlessed]

Atomic you nailed it! So much of what you said is true for me as well and I always have said that I feel like GD is based upon the ignorant societal pressures placed on us as mothers and it can really cause many of us to feel badly and depressed, or like a failure. Do not let it. Do not allow anyone to pressure you into feeling like the beautiful children you have produced are not worthy of their societal standards or ideals. I've also never had a mani or pedi or enjoyed shopping with my mother at all, but I definitely live my friends and doing this stuff with them. Heck, my little boys love to shop with now-even for groceries! I just love them. Oh, and I had no wedding dress or big planned out wedding day (shotgun wedding!). I also never was even interested in prom. I played with dolls and Barbie a lot and put makeup on my face, had hormonal episodes. Those are the only things different between my brother and I and how we interacted with our mother as kids lol.😊 I was afraid to have girls for a very very long time as I never had the best relationship with my mom. Not bad, but just not great. Every life story is different. I love my three boys so much and I have a better bond with them than I ever had with my mother. That is some perspective that I have as a go-to now that I am pregnant again. Make your life story what you decide to and the gender of this baby is not going to change the beautiful relationship that you can have with your children and family. I hope this helps you to feel better

[Wantgirl46]

Sorry u didn't hear the sex u wanted.

[Coffepot]

Thank you for having the right words to say....for not telling me I shouldn't feel this way and for reminding me that is is OK to feel disappointment (as it is such a guilty feeling). I told hubby today baby is most likely a boy (still couldn't tell him i got "the call). When tears of sadness fell from my face he responded that he would have been willing to do PGD if he knew I felt so strongly. It really made the feelings worse. As if he didn't know I hadn't eaten meat or breakfast for a year. That I've been on the elliptical 7 hours a week, that I've had fans running in the house, that I've been wearing ion bracelet and and kept an ionizer fan in our bedroom. That he's been taking OLE and no one can drink from my water because it's got fiber in it. He knows I've taught myself to sleep on my left, that I've switched to lavender soaps and that I've had nothing but a decaf coffee with a splenda in it for breakfast every day for over a year. I know he meant it to be sweet, but I really wish I had just printed out all your comments and told him to choose one. It didn't help that we went shopping today for DS1's bedding for his new big boy bed. My eyes couldn't help wandering over to the pink section with the crystal chandeliers. Not sure which has been harder today-the GD or now knowing hubby was open to high tech!!!

[3BoysBlessed]

big hugs to you! I am betting that your dh just wants you to know how much he cares. Men often put their foot in thei mouths when they try to "fix" situations. Mine is no different.
I have a confession, I sometimes pretend I am seriously looking at buying baby girl things. Not just any time, but especially when I spot a crazy lady trying yo show off the fact that she has girls...oh yes, you all know the ones I'm talking about, right!? Somehow I run across these ones when I have my three boys along. They seem to be extra loud women for some odd reason. It's not all women with girls, just the few who show up when our boys are being silly in the store. It's a mystery to me as to why, yet they always appear with only girls...two or more. I start talking to my boys about how cute this would be for "baby (insert baby girl cousins name here). Lol! They typically disperse to another area. Lol. It makes me feel better, makes me laugh and I got to play around with little girls stuff! Therapeutic. I know it sounds crazy, but it's such simple fun. And it is only once in a blue moon...no pun intended. Gotta laugh or I'd cry sometimes.

[3BoysBlessed]

And yes, coffeepot...you poured a lot of your heart into the effort for a girl. It is definitely ok to feel sad for a loss of sorts. You lost what you envisioned and that is worthy of your grief. This boy must be determined, though. That is how I feel about my second son. He was a surprise. I was upset because I wanted to try for a girl at first. But then I met this little guy. He is an old soul and so profound in his thoughts, he blows my mind. He told me last week that he "didn't like the part when he had to come out of my tummy because it made his head hurt and made his heart crack". I was astonished. He just turned 5. I asked him why and he told me it was because he got taken from me- I nearly cried. I asked him what about when I got to hold you? He said "that made my feelings and my heart not cracked anymore. It felt good." I feel like he was meant to be mine and nothing I did or did not do could have stopped him from being here. he is the sweetest, thoughtful and sensitive child...although I feel like ll three of my boys are. He was a "surprise" for us. Your little one is meant for you and will bring you such joy nd you will get through this sadness but it's ok. Just let it take its course.