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[momof5boyzz]

I a mother with 5 boys, I truly understand what you are going through after my 3rd boy I was devastated because I wanted a daughter so badly. Then my husband and I decided to have another and at that time I didn't know anything about gender swaying so guess what a 4th boy , I cried like a baby for days weeks and finally when he started kicking and moving around in the belly I fell in Love with him then I got pregnant right after him while breastfeeding . Thinking wow maybe that's my little girl Surprise another boy. I ask why why why but I can't question God. But don't beat yourself so much about what happen, everything in life happens for a reason . That will probably be a little girl in there since you worked so hard but also if it turns out to be a boy, your son will have a companion and a best friend for life to play with . And I give your husband a thumbs up for even considering adoption of a girl one day (If). My husband won't even hear the word adoption. But even with 5 boys I love them to the moon and back they are healthy, awsome, smart and crazy at times. So I will try for a last time to get my girl if not that's it for me. I hope you get your girl.

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[Dynazyme]

Hi!
Please try to relax more, otherwise you will not get pregnant!
I have two sons as well and believe me - my life is so great!!! On the other hand I totally understand your wish for a girl!

I want to comment on your concerns about timing - please relax! I know it is so deep in our mind, that it in nearly impossible to ignore it! Everybody on the street tells you "Oh, if you want a girl you have to do it 3 days before O. My friend got here girl in that way and my sister as well ....!"

Atomic wrote great assays about timing but again I want to point out that research has been done in that field. It even has been published in a very high ranking journal (Atomic also cites it: New England paper: "Timing of Sexual Intercourse in Relation to Ovulation — Effects on the Probability of Conception, Survival of the Pregnancy, and Sex of the Baby"). Believe me this journal it top-class science! I know the paper is old, but that does not mean that it´s not true! So please relax, there is not difference. And together with Atomic observations you really can believe in it and I guess that really helps getting pregnant if do not have to do OPKs or calculate to perfect day of dtd. Good luck!!

[atomic sagebrush]

Here is the thing. People can and do perfectly perfect perfect sways all the time and get opposites (both pink and blue swayers) If you're pregnant, it could very well be a girl. What if you did a morning after pill in a month you'd conceived a girl, and then doubledown to do some fantastical beautiful rainbow unicorn sway and ended up with a boy???

Does this at all help you to not believe in timing as much?? Because I guarantee ya, a LOT of the people who swear they did timing, had something happen just like you're describing, and there is no way for you to know, when you read their glowing sway write up, what even happened. I saw it tons of times back on IG where people would do exactly what you just did and then they thought they Oed early or late but then IF they got their DG they reported it like the timing had worked, when it probably hadn't. That is what you read online again and again is people who don't know when they ovulated, yk?? You were knowledgeable enough and honest enough that you had doubts and posted about them, but others don't have doubts (or are too humiliated to admit it), they're just sure they did timing right.

I think you guys need to work out SOME way of taking the pressure off of yourself. HT isn't an option, this means at the least a very serious discussion with DH about not closing the door entirely if this doens't work out.

[atomic sagebrush]

You will of course fall in love with another boy. That is not up for debate. It is not about the love you have for your sons, it's about some driving force that we don't really understand (or even want to experience in many cases) that is outside of our control really.

I do believe, though, that at such a point in time that the door actually was closed forever, it would get better. there is something about the tantalizing possibility that makes it heartwrenching. I know many people I have met along the way who decided to go on with their family as it was without continuing to try for their DG, (and I don't believe that they wanted it any less than the rest of us, either) and they all did make peace with it over time. Is it still a sore spot, of course, but it is one of those things that happens to everyone in the course of life where something you really, really want terribly badly doesn't happen.

The fact is, anyone whose greatest sadness is not having a daughter - honestly they are LUCKY. No one is saying it doesn't hurt like a b!tch - we all know it, we have all been there, but there are people whose greatest sadnesses are things so much worse than that - who've lost children, who've lost daughters, who've never had children at all, who live in horrible places and with terrible pain and suffering. Before very long ago at all, most mothers lost children just as a matter of course, often times more than one. I cannot even imagine that kind of sorrow. We are all SO lucky to have the luxury of this sadness. And I don't say that to try and send you on a guilt trip. I say that to put the expression "my greatest sadness is not having a daughter" into perspective. It is like hitting your finger with a hammer - no one can deny it is not one of the most acutely painful things ever but even when it's at the most agonizing, if someone would come up to you and ask you to trade places with someone who had just put their whole hand in a meat grinder of course you wouldn't do that. It doesn't mean the pain isn't real!! It hurts, you're wounded, of course it hurts.

I say again, you could have had everything all lined up perfectly and then the cards don't fall your way. Or you could've gotten accidentally pregnant without doing any of this and gotten a girl (after all, that's how most people do it, GB or BG just that effortlessly) What I do know is that you are tearing yourself up for NO BENEFIT because the pressure you're putting yourself under, and the importance you're placing on every duck being in a row, it doesn't help your sway at all. I really really think you have to find some way to alleviate the pressure before you break from it, I really do.

I really think your husband sounds like a nice guy and overall, more understanding than most of our hubbies are. If there is any way to express the level of pressure that this limit to two kids is putting on you (and I understand that it is largely your preference as well to stick to two) I think it may help. Even just knowing you have the ace up your sleeve if you should have to use it someday may go a long way towards alleviating this anxiousness. I sometimes have trouble sleeping and I have found that just having one melatonin pill on hand completely solved my insomnia problem. I know that if I really, truly can't go to sleep, I have that one melatonin to take if I need it. I've never needed it, because just knowing it's there, helped me to calm down at night and not be in this state of panic over not being able to sleep.

[atomic sagebrush]

I

I get angry at myself. With all the research I've done, how could I have not understood the possibility of a delayed O after an LH surge?! But even just one day later I'm already feeling more able to just accept that this is what seems to have happened. This sway/timing stuff is so complicated. It's not right for me to be mad at myself about this. These things will happen no matter how informed or prepared you are. I see on our statistic sheet that there's a significant difference, like more than 10%, between dtd on O-1 versus O day so I really hope yesterday was O day and not today. My OPK was negative at 4am today, (I got the positive at about 1pm yesterday after not testing for several days) I use the ClearBlue OPK and this is what they show on their site:
http://www.clearblueeasy.com/healthcare/img/graph-3.gif It makes me hopeful that the LH surge could last two days and I happened to catch it coming down on O instead of O-1. (If you think I'm wrong, please don't tell me, there's nothing I can do about it anymore, and I need to hold on to hope at least about this one little thing for now.)

I don't have as much EWCM today as I had yesterday either. I'm not normally able to pinpoint O via cramping but I did feel some sort of cramping for several hours tonight. It could be psychosomatic though, with all the negative feelings I've had about myself and that part of my body.

PLEASE PLEASE a thousand times PLEASE do not look at our statistics as any kind of justification of timing. Because as you know, people do not have a bloody clue what day they ovulated on. They did tests (clearblue did one of them actually) and showed even with a high level of expertise and training and cutting edge technology people got it right about 1 in 3 times. Additionally our stats are bascially for entertainment purposes only, many people who swayed didn't add their data to them and additionally, one or two lucky (or unlucky) sways can alter the results significantly. A combination of random chance in that "not everyone added their data" plus "one or two lucky or unlucky sways" means that you simply cannot start quoting percentages off those numbers as meaning anything at all whatsoever. They don't.

[maidentomother]

Fantastic posts atomic!

I totally agree that 99.9% of women don't know what day they Oed on, they are guessing at best (even if it's's a very educated guess backed up by temps, CM, OPKs, a fertility monitor, a saliva microscope, etc it is STILL just a guess and there is always a good chance it is off by a day or 3) or, at worst, they say what they want to believe or even outright fabricate.

[Pink Pony]

Best of luck with everything, Complex Emotions. I can relate to a lot of the things you have said. The hardest part is letting go of the fear of the unknown and taking that risk. I am one of those people who always tries to control everything that is totally out of my control, trying to write my own future story and its so hard when things just don't go your way, u can just "get over " them!

I hope you find some peace with your choice x

[atomic sagebrush]

Fantastic posts atomic!

I totally agree that 99.9% of women don't know what day they Oed on, they are guessing at best (even if it's's a very educated guess backed up by temps, CM, OPKs, a fertility monitor, a saliva microscope, etc it is STILL just a guess and there is always a good chance it is off by a day or 3) or, at worst, they say what they want to believe or even outright fabricate.

NFP techniques are a fantastic way to avoid pregnancy totally or to help achieve it. But that is the limitation of the system(s) - it cannot be what it isn't and it isn't a method to pin down the day of ovulation. They're still great methods for preventing or achieving pregnancy, just don't try to make them do what they were not intended for!

[atomic sagebrush]

Huge congrats on the big opportunity CE!! Well done!!!

I did notice you're not eating salty foods - I think we mentioned this already but just to be sure you know, most have given up on that. It does make it much easier to stick to the diet in the long term if you don't feel so terribly deprived.

Good luck and please keep us posted.