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[Lissastick]

Complex Emotions,

I feel a lot like you do. Especially with potential GD. I am just so confused about all the things I feel. I want a healthy baby more than anything too. But, I'm not so worried about not taking prenatals. I know people that took them for a year before conception and had premies and sickly babies. And I know people who didn't take them until 6 weeks pregnant and had super healthy babies! My mom is one of them. She got a healthy boy and a healthy girl (my DREAM) And she was under weight, over worked, and a very poor eater with BOTH me and my brother, and back then, women didn't take prenatals until they knew they were pregnant. And she didn't find out until she was about 6 weeks along.

I am doing what feels right to me for my sway. And if I get a boy, I won't be surprised. I'll actually find it a bit delightful and amusing. If I get a girl, I will also be kind of surprised! Haha!

I just had a chemical pregnancy last month and I am thinking differently. I wanted that baby. So bad. I didn't know or care if it was a boy or a girl. I just wanted my baby.

So now, I am doing as many things as I can that is known to sway a girl and still get pregnant, fairly quickly - and I am leaving it at that!

My husband wants me to stop swaying entirely. He is starting to sound like he actually WANTS a second boy. I am not at the point yet that I could give up and embrace it. But, it might come to that. It's a good thing to know that if I wanted a baby boy really fast, I could get him! Hahahha!

I wish you the best of luck!!

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[Throwaway_panther]

, Most of you seem to think my personality means I will probably have a second boy.

See atomic's post about me from earlier! Lol!

Truly, no one thing makes or breaks anything. I took a prenatal. I am as anal as they come. I got a girl (and trust me, I wanted a boy and didn't know about swaying). I also even stressed hardcore about getting pregnant right away -- and I did get pregnant right away and still had a girl.

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[Serenity]

Complex Emotions,

It's OK to be angry.

You're caught between a rock and a hard place, here.

What would you regret more: having a healthy baby boy soon, and maybe never having a daughter, or continuing to have hiccups and maybe even problems or losses along the way (not saying these would be caused by swaying, but of course anything can and does happen where pregnancy is concerned - and my newbie observation is that for whatever reason, it does appear that there might be a higher than usual number of losses happening on these swaying boards), with a bigger chance of coming out of it all with a baby girl?

I ask this because when we were thinking about TTC our second child, I DID hear about swaying, and I chose at that time to not even look into it. At the time, my biggest priority was having a healthy baby and a sibling for my son, as soon as possible, and I didn't want to do anything with even the slightest amount of risk to it...I felt strongly protective of my unborn child and decided to just leave it up to fate/God. I then proceeded to do a lot of things that unintentionally swayed blue, in the name of health and giving my child the best start possible, and...of course I had a boy.

I have to say that I am so, so glad I made this choice. And I'm saying this as someone who really might never have a daughter (my DH is not sure that he wants any more children). I'm so grateful that I didn't find out more about swaying at the time, or my little angel guy might not be here. He is the light of our lives, and there is nothing about him that a girl could do any better, YKWIM? And the bond between him and his brother, wow...he was truly meant to be. I love him so very much. If I don't get to have a third child, I'll finish my grieving process for my dream daughter, and then I'll embrace my happy life with my beautiful kids and I won't look back. Maybe you need to think about how you would feel if you end up where I am.

I think the point I am trying to get across is that you sound so scared, and like you think this is a lose-lose situation (either you have a less healthy baby, or a boy), and it's really win-win! Either you are eventually going to have a beautiful baby girl, or a beautiful baby boy. And your little one will have a sibling to love. And one of these things is going to happen no matter what you do, if it's meant to.

[Complex Emotions]

Complex Emotions,

I feel a lot like you do. Especially with potential GD. I am just so confused about all the things I feel. I want a healthy baby more than anything too. But, I'm not so worried about not taking prenatals. I know people that took them for a year before conception and had premies and sickly babies. And I know people who didn't take them until 6 weeks pregnant and had super healthy babies! My mom is one of them. She got a healthy boy and a healthy girl (my DREAM) And she was under weight, over worked, and a very poor eater with BOTH me and my brother, and back then, women didn't take prenatals until they knew they were pregnant. And she didn't find out until she was about 6 weeks along.

I am doing what feels right to me for my sway. And if I get a boy, I won't be surprised. I'll actually find it a bit delightful and amusing. If I get a girl, I will also be kind of surprised! Haha!

I just had a chemical pregnancy last month and I am thinking differently. I wanted that baby. So bad. I didn't know or care if it was a boy or a girl. I just wanted my baby.

So now, I am doing as many things as I can that is known to sway a girl and still get pregnant, fairly quickly - and I am leaving it at that!

My husband wants me to stop swaying entirely. He is starting to sound like he actually WANTS a second boy. I am not at the point yet that I could give up and embrace it. But, it might come to that. It's a good thing to know that if I wanted a baby boy really fast, I could get him! Hahahha!

I wish you the best of luck!!

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It sounds like you have a really great mindset about swaying, Lissastick. I'm sorry to read that you lost a little one who you felt so ready to love.

[Complex Emotions]

Complex Emotions,

...If I don't get to have a third child, I'll finish my grieving process for my dream daughter, and then I'll embrace my happy life with my beautiful kids and I won't look back. Maybe you need to think about how you would feel if you end up where I am.

I think the point I am trying to get across is that you sound so scared, and like you think this is a lose-lose situation (either you have a less healthy baby, or a boy), and it's really win-win! Either you are eventually going to have a beautiful baby girl, or a beautiful baby boy. And your little one will have a sibling to love. And one of these things is going to happen no matter what you do, if it's meant to.

Thank you Serenity, your support means a lot and your suggestions are helpful

[atomic sagebrush]

Maybe I need a break for this reason... it's just that I don't know when or how I'll be able to stop thinking about the details enough to get pregnant.

you may not be able to and to me, that is a reason NOT to take a month off. If you want your kiddos closer together, taking time off to get your head right when you know you're not going to be able to (and trust me, the reason why I "get" this is because I have been exactly where you are with my brain on a hamster wheel!!) so you may only get yourself MORE revved up over the course of time and be right back here stuck in the Lollipop Woods like you're playing Candyland or something.

[atomic sagebrush]

Well, the world needs people like me. The world needs some of us to be boy moms.

So... well, why not take the supplement? Why not at least give myself that.

I'm sorry if I sound angry.

I appreciate your comments and thoughts. I do. I'm feeling so stuck. Maybe I will take a break.

The reason I'm here is to dispense swaying advice. So, view what I say through that lens. I"m not trying to be insensitive or pushy. It's my job to talk about swaying. I agree with you, I do think the world (desperately) needs us awesome boy moms and like I've said before, personally I think boys should come in pairs like shoes and my second son is totally awesome and the thought of never having had him makes me practically cry just sitting here. But people don't come to me because they want me to tell them how great boys are and how we should just all accept our destiny as boy moms. They come to me to get a girl if possible.

I have never been in the place that I feel like I gotta have a girl or I will die, BUT I do know that several of you guys do feel that way. I have seen people in this situation before and they end up really sad when they hurry ahead with TTC (and for some reason I do see a trend where the people with the deepest GD feelings either won't sway or give up right away). So that's all I'm trying to prevent. If you are ready to give up swaying, that's totally fine, I completely support you in every way. But I don't want you to go into that without being forewarned to whatever the best of my ability is, yk???

[atomic sagebrush]

Complex Emotions,

I feel a lot like you do. Especially with potential GD. I am just so confused about all the things I feel. I want a healthy baby more than anything too. But, I'm not so worried about not taking prenatals. I know people that took them for a year before conception and had premies and sickly babies. And I know people who didn't take them until 6 weeks pregnant and had super healthy babies! My mom is one of them. She got a healthy boy and a healthy girl (my DREAM) And she was under weight, over worked, and a very poor eater with BOTH me and my brother, and back then, women didn't take prenatals until they knew they were pregnant. And she didn't find out until she was about 6 weeks along.
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Yes. Exactly. I conceived a baby with a neural tube defect taking prenatals religiously and eating a super nutritious diet, and lost two babies I conceived taking them, and got my girl without them. My mom never took them with me, smoked like a chimney, and according to her, she ate potato chips and mustard most of the time LOL. Michelle Duggar was on national TV proudly showing all the vitamins she was taking, the week before her tragic loss. They are things we cling to instead of acknowledging the reality that nothing in life is a guarantee.

A prenatal is like Dumbo's feather. It makes you think that you're doing something to prevent issues with your pregnancy but they're like a magic charm and you have the ability to make a healthy baby without them just like Dumbo always could fly, because we are BORN with that ability. If we weren't, there would not be 7+ billion people and counting.

If you want to use them, use them. If you can't live with yourself otherwise, take them. I took them with my 4th even though people told me not to, because I wanted to (and got a boy and just like Serenity, would not change anything about that). But just factually it is not true that taking them before conception will do anything to guarantee you have a healthy pregnancy (if you are a relatively well-fed human being) and anyone on LE Diet is getting all they need to get and stay pregnant (with the changes that we make over the course of time for those who need them).

In all honesty, we don't even know that they're safe. I have people take them, I take them, but there's a fair amount of conflicting evidence about their safety. We are all a part of the great vitamin experiment and we do not know what the actual effects are (and PLEASE ladies, avoid the ones that have super high megadoses!)

I'm going to bow out now. I don't think I"m helping and if this is a support thread and not an info thread then I will just allow that to occur without unwelcome input.

[Serenity]

I'm glad you are feeling better, Complex Emotions. Congratulations on your step forward, and I hope this will be your month.

Whichever future you find yourself in will become your journey. All possible outcomes will somehow be flawed. All possible outcomes will somehow be sublime.

I'm imagining my son reaching out to grasp his sibling's tiny hand for the first time. In my mind the baby is dressed in white, not shown to be a girl or a boy.

This is all beautiful, and true. It is exactly how your son will view his new sibling, regardless of gender...as a new best friend and an incredible gift.

I think it is easy to get caught up in the illusion of control...like if you take steps A, B, and C now, you can create exactly what you want in the future, and prevent all bad things from ever happening.

I kind of imagine God/Fate/the Universe giggling indulgently at me when I think like that, and lovingly arranging my life to be just as it should be, despite all my puny efforts.

Of course you want to have a daughter! Why wouldn't you? It sounds lovely. I am guessing, however, that the actual reality is just as wonderful and challenging as everything else about having kids. I talked to my mom about this recently. She has two boys and two girls, and after listening to me, she said, "Well, of course I fully support you, dear, but it's not like they're really all that different from each other anyways, when you get right down to it." It really helped me to put things in perspective, and not worry as much about what is to come. If I do have a daughter, it's not like she's going to poop out roses or sing arias instead of crying, you know?

I'm grateful for this lesson in letting go...it sounds like you might be coming around to a similar place.

[Throwaway_panther]

Thank you for being so clear about where you're coming from, Atomic. Your explanation does help, because even though you've never said it, there have been times when I've feared your words mean it's probably hopeless in my case due to the way my mind works (like my anxiety about vitamin deficiencies and such). Which sometimes feels deeply frustrating since I don't have any way to change.

I'm only taking some zinc now, not a prenatal. In fact there were just three days I'd taken a 1/2 prenatal, so it was only one and one-half a prenatal total. I'm NOT ready to stop swaying, and I certainly don't think I've given everything up to hurry and conceive.

The bottom line is you've helped me so much and I am deeply thankful towards you, Atomic. Your input is absolutely always welcome! In a way, I've already gotten what I set out for when I started this journey. Even back then I knew I couldn't be guaranteed a daughter, so what I wanted was to understand the science that is available. I wanted to know that I did everything I could to increase my odds. Through you and this community, I have the sense that I have done what is possible for me. Any little sway mistakes I've made (or will make) were/are/will be inevitable, they probably will never be the deciding factor, and they should be forgiven. I realize the only way to get through this process is with a gentle, open heart. I have the piece of mind that there is nothing else available to try that wouldn't financially devastate my family or overstep my moral boundaries. I can be certain that I am doing my absolute best, the best sway my circumstances allow.

If it is not enough, than it is not enough, but this is what I feel I needed to have. You've already given me that.

If it helps, that sort of peace sounds like a girl sway mindset!

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