Do women tend to prefer girls?

[atomic sagebrush]

I find this whole thread really interesting, I think I really try to reflect on my own gd in a way to process it and move on that it has been fascinating hearing from others!

What I understand about my own gender desire, is that my relationship with my own mother has never been optimal, we are very close but I have always been more like the parent. I only have one sibling a brother and I feel i carry the burden of having to manage my mother as my brother is more distant for her. I have always idealised the role of a sister and wonder if at some level I felt it would have eased my burden? But also maybe provided me with the unconditional relationship female I did not have. I realise all sisters don't have that relationship. Having not had that I viewed a dd as a way to have it. My dd was my first and I would have to say having her was the most contenting experience of my life, I gave birth to her naturally, she was a dream to breast feed and it gave me a real sense of this is what am here to do to be her mother and I can provide everything she needs. I think in part my gender disappointment is because my dd is becoming more independent, needs me less and it was a desire to recreate that initial experience with dd with another. I realise now that your relationship with dc 2 and 3 is just different because you already have a child to consider. I feel that in some way my feelings of disappointment got attached to gender when possibly it would have been the same if dc 2 had been another girl. What I have learnt is to enjoy every moment with all of my children, especially my dd because I won't have another girl, just enjoying doing her hair, picking outfits, playing with her toys. Also I wonder about the order I had my children if I had had my two boys first and then dd, I don't think I would have tried for a sister for dd I think I would just have been so delighted to finally have my girl! Sorry for the rambling post I have tonsillitis and am feeling ill!

Really have enjoyed reading your posts on this thread ladies x

I do think a fair chunk of gender disappointment is in part parenting disappointment. When I was in the throes of GD, mainly when I was pregnant with DS3, sometimes my older sons would do stuff - totally normal, kid stuff like not doing the dishes, being difficult with their studies, didn't want to do something I really wanted them to do, etc. and I would have a dark thought in my heart that if only they had been girls they wouldn't have been like this. These are the two nicest, most helpful kids in the whole wide world, and I never had one iota of gender disappointment with either of them, but because they were not PERFECT every moment I would have these thoughts.

There is often something magic about your first child that is just never quite the same with later kids, I think. I love all my kids, of course, but the level of blind adoration I had for my first son was like a bolt from the blue. And then my second son was sick constantly and I was also sick constantly (with something very scary and mysterious that no one knew how to fix) when he was small and I was terrified something would happen to him or me, so I had this insane level of bonding with him, too. I just felt he'd be taken from me or I'd be taken from him so I just showered him with affection constantly and then he was my baby for 13 years after that. My husband worked constantly back then so it was mostly just the three of us with no distractions. They were pretty much my whole universe.

It's not that I don't love my 3 younger ones just as much, of course, because I do. It's just that now I work and have 5 kids instead of 2 and my husband is here more. The intensity is different. I'm much less focused on them (and that sounds like a bad thing but it isn't) . I can't recapture those magical feelings I had for my first two kids. And it's probably a good thing because my 3 little ones are much more independent than my first two are - but at the same time, it's not as much "fun" as I remember it being the first time through. Sometimes it feels like more of a chore. But it's because I'm spread thinner and I'm not in this weird ethereal zone with just me and my babies like I was before. I can easily imagine how, if your DG was your first child, everything would get all tangled up together emotionally speaking and it could end up contributing to your gender disappointment.

[Greydore]

I do think a fair chunk of gender disappointment is in part parenting disappointment. When I was in the throes of GD, mainly when I was pregnant with DS3, sometimes my older sons would do stuff - totally normal, kid stuff like not doing the dishes, being difficult with their studies, didn't want to do something I really wanted them to do, etc. and I would have a dark thought in my heart that if only they had been girls they wouldn't have been like this. These are the two nicest, most helpful kids in the whole wide world, and I never had one iota of gender disappointment with either of them, but because they were not PERFECT every moment I would have these thoughts.

There is often something magic about your first child that is just never quite the same with later kids, I think. I love all my kids, of course, but the level of blind adoration I had for my first son was like a bolt from the blue. And then my second son was sick constantly and I was also sick constantly (with something very scary and mysterious that no one knew how to fix) when he was small and I was terrified something would happen to him or me, so I had this insane level of bonding with him, too. I just felt he'd be taken from me or I'd be taken from him so I just showered him with affection constantly and then he was my baby for 13 years after that. My husband worked constantly back then so it was mostly just the three of us with no distractions. They were pretty much my whole universe.

It's not that I don't love my 3 younger ones just as much, of course, because I do. It's just that now I work and have 5 kids instead of 2 and my husband is here more. The intensity is different. I'm much less focused on them (and that sounds like a bad thing but it isn't) . I can't recapture those magical feelings I had for my first two kids. And it's probably a good thing because my 3 little ones are much more independent than my first two are - but at the same time, it's not as much "fun" as I remember it being the first time through. Sometimes it feels like more of a chore. But it's because I'm spread thinner and I'm not in this weird ethereal zone with just me and my babies like I was before. I can easily imagine how, if your DG was your first child, everything would get all tangled up together emotionally speaking and it could end up contributing to your gender disappointment.

My oldest was a really difficult baby, but I bonded with him SO fiercely. It was love at first sight, despite the fact that he was only letting me sleep 45 min at a time. He's 3 now and maybe it's his personality, but that kid is the least independent kid you'll ever meet, and he's still insanely attached to me. Second son is 1 and we didn't have the love at first sight because I felt like I was cheating on older son! He has completely won me over though and I can't imagine life without him Patt of the reason I want to have a third is so I can learn to chill out as a parent and hopefully help my kids be more independent.

[Greydore]

I grew up one of four girls and just love the relationship that I have with each of my sisters. I know that it's unique and not everyone that has a sister is this close, but I always knew growing up that I wanted to have girls and give them the built-in lifelong friendship of a sister. I have a few friends with mixed siblings that are closer to their brothers than their sisters, and again, I don't think that having a sister automatically means a close relationship. However, if the dynamic is right, I do think that there is nothing more beautiful than the mother/daughter and sister/sister bond. All of that said, I can imagine that if I had DS's, I would love the relationship just as much...I just don't have personal data to comment on it.

That's so awesome that you have such an amazing relationship with your sisters and mother! I went to college with a woman who was 1 of 4 daughters, and they had such a great bond. They've all graduated now and run a business together. I'm 1 of 4 sisters as well, but due to big age differences and personalities, we aren't as close as some sisters are. We still talk often and see each other a ton, just don't have that best friend bond that some sisters do.

[maximbella]

Greydore, how far apart are you guys? We also have large spacing between the older two and then me and my little sister (I'm #3), but I think that our personalities just work together. I've come to understand that personalities make the difference, not age! I know we are the exception, not the rule, and I also attribute the majority of our closeness to my moms parenting. She just had a way to always connect us. I'm doing the best that I can to replicate it with my girls and they are close as can be at this point (praying it doesn't change over the years). It's because of this that I sway so hard for another DD. I know that I would absolutely LOVE a little boy, but I also fear that dynamic with me and my DD's.

[Greydore]

Greydore, how far apart are you guys? We also have large spacing between the older two and then me and my little sister (I'm #3), but I think that our personalities just work together. I've come to understand that personalities make the difference, not age! I know we are the exception, not the rule, and I also attribute the majority of our closeness to my moms parenting. She just had a way to always connect us. I'm doing the best that I can to replicate it with my girls and they are close as can be at this point (praying it doesn't change over the years). It's because of this that I sway so hard for another DD. I know that I would absolutely LOVE a little boy, but I also fear that dynamic with me and my DD's.

My youngest sister and I are 16 years part. She's only 12, so we are in very different stages of life (obviously). The sister closest to me in age is 2 years younger. We were very close when we were little, we played nonstop and continued to be close as teenagers and got along with each other's groups of friends. We aren't as close now for many different reasons, but we still have a good sisterly relationship, if that makes any sense at all? If it's any consolation, with the ages of your girls, they will adore a baby of either gender

[maximbella]

Thanks, Greydore! And I agree....they are in love with their baby cousins (both boys and girls), so I do agree! Praying we have the opportunity to let them enjoy a little sibling!

[kittendreams]

I've been thinking more about this lately, and am reconsidering whether I want to sway or not. Do I really want a girl? I don't know...it seems like it would be nice to have the gender that we don't have, just to experience both. But other than that I don't yearn for a daughter. I don't moon over little girls when I'm out running errands. I saw a dad and his 3 boys at Target today and it made me smile- I was happy thinking that that could be my husband and our boys. I don't feel sad that I can't buy pink clothes (I actually hate pink, haha). I don't long for a deep mother-daughter bond, because it truly is not a guarantee. The activities I enjoy I do with my sons- my oldest loves baking, reading, and even asks for his nails painted my youngest is such a snuggle bug. I used to nanny full time for a family of 2 boys and 2 girls, and while I loved them all, I connected with the boys more, and I've always had a soft spot for little boys in general. Anyways, I have a few months to decide if I'll be swaying or not!

I understand what you mean greydore.
I don't moon over little girls and actually always tend to bond better with and relate better to boys whether they be nephews or students ( I am a teacher). I was also a major tomboy and did not have a girl as a friend until I was 12 or so ( aside from my younger sister).
I love my two boys and just think they are wonderful. As a young person I always envisioned having a baby boy and now I have two. My desire for a girl stems purely from being left by my own mother so I yearn to experience a mother daughter relationship ( whatever that means) and to have the chance to raise a daughter with the opportunities I never had.
In my family girls are scarce so are definitely more desired. Everyone was disappointed with my second boy except me. He is my angel!

[Greydore]

I understand what you mean greydore.
I don't moon over little girls and actually always tend to bond better with and relate better to boys whether they be nephews or students ( I am a teacher). I was also a major tomboy and did not have a girl as a friend until I was 12 or so ( aside from my younger sister).
I love my two boys and just think they are wonderful. As a young person I always envisioned having a baby boy and now I have two. My desire for a girl stems purely from being left by my own mother so I yearn to experience a mother daughter relationship ( whatever that means) and to have the chance to raise a daughter with the opportunities I never had.
In my family girls are scarce so are definitely more desired. Everyone was disappointed with my second boy except me. He is my angel!

Our boys look to be close in age! I'm sorry about your mother...that's just awful. Thankfully there was no disappointment when my second was a boy; my side is extremely girl heavy and my husband's side just truly does not care. Good luck and I hope you get your girl

[bugandbee]

I find this whole thread really interesting, I think I really try to reflect on my own gd in a way to process it and move on that it has been fascinating hearing from others!

What I understand about my own gender desire, is that my relationship with my own mother has never been optimal, we are very close but I have always been more like the parent. I only have one sibling a brother and I feel i carry the burden of having to manage my mother as my brother is more distant for her. I have always idealised the role of a sister and wonder if at some level I felt it would have eased my burden? But also maybe provided me with the unconditional relationship female I did not have. I realise all sisters don't have that relationship. Having not had that I viewed a dd as a way to have it. My dd was my first and I would have to say having her was the most contenting experience of my life, I gave birth to her naturally, she was a dream to breast feed and it gave me a real sense of this is what am here to do to be her mother and I can provide everything she needs. I think in part my gender disappointment is because my dd is becoming more independent, needs me less and it was a desire to recreate that initial experience with dd with another. I realise now that your relationship with dc 2 and 3 is just different because you already have a child to consider. I feel that in some way my feelings of disappointment got attached to gender when possibly it would have been the same if dc 2 had been another girl. What I have learnt is to enjoy every moment with all of my children, especially my dd because I won't have another girl, just enjoying doing her hair, picking outfits, playing with her toys. Also I wonder about the order I had my children if I had had my two boys first and then dd, I don't think I would have tried for a sister for dd I think I would just have been so delighted to finally have my girl! Sorry for the rambling post I have tonsillitis and am feeling ill!

Really have enjoyed reading your posts on this thread ladies x

You have summed up my GD and experience growing up to a T! I had a DS first which was full of wonder as he was my first baby and made me a mom - but I was slightly stunned when he wasn't a girl at my 20 week ultrasound. Thus was the start of my gender desire which I didn't even know I had until he wasn't a she! As magical as my first pregnancy was with my DS, knowing I had a DD coming was the most wonderful experience ever. She was a horrid infant and the first year was so hard but I LOVED every second of being a mother to a baby girl. She brought out something in me I didn't even know I had and I've yearned for an experience like that again with another DD - and to give her a sister (also something I never had but wished for very much). The magic of my girl pregnancy wasn't there with my 2nd DS and isn't here again with my 3rd DS (in utero). I love my 2nd DS so much and he's a wonderful addition to our family, but I wonder if I had had 2 boys first and then my DD, would it be different. I've always wanted a big family and have hoped to have more than one girl to foster and experience the sisterly relationship. We thought 3 was it, now we're heading into 4... the news of another DS has me wondering ever so slightly about hoping #5 could be another DD.