Do women tend to prefer girls?

[atomic sagebrush]

I have those fears too, that my boys will grow up and I'll only hear from them once in awhile...the thought makes me want to cry! Thankfully I've seen some things that make me hopeful that my boys will stick close. My husband is very close with his mom. Before we met, they got together a few times per week. We still see her often. I'm an OB nurse now, but was a post operative nurse before that. I saw many men who were very concerned about their mothers, stuck by their side, etc.

On this, I can completely put people's minds at ease. In my family (both me and DH) it's always the daughters going off and following their husbands due to career, etc while at least one son has been the caretaker. Both my husband's grandparents were cared for by the youngest son, my dad is an only child and so he was in the position of caretaker by default, my mom's younger brother took care of my grandma and grandpa on my mom's side, and my husband does tons of stuff for his mom despite the fact that his sister lives right next door. His sister really doesn't do that much (and what she does do is very resentful).

My brother and my brother in law both take way better care of my mom than I do. My stepmother takes care of my dad while my sister and I are 2000 miles away with our husbands. I'm really a horrible daughter to be honest with you. I'm all about my family and my own stuff and not so much my parents.

I have two adult sons who call me nearly every day. Sometimes so much that I'm like "OMG are they calling again?? I just TALKED to them."

[Erin514]

On this, I can completely put people's minds at ease. In my family (both me and DH) it's always the daughters going off and following their husbands due to career, etc while at least one son has been the caretaker. Both my husband's grandparents were cared for by the youngest son, my dad is an only child and so he was in the position of caretaker by default, my mom's younger brother took care of my grandma and grandpa on my mom's side, and my husband does tons of stuff for his mom despite the fact that his sister lives right next door. His sister really doesn't do that much (and what she does do is very resentful).

My brother and my brother in law both take way better care of my mom than I do. My stepmother takes care of my dad while my sister and I are 2000 miles away with our husbands. I'm really a horrible daughter to be honest with you. I'm all about my family and my own stuff and not so much my parents.

I have two adult sons who call me nearly every day. Sometimes so much that I'm like "OMG are they calling again?? I just TALKED to them."

Yes, this.

It's hard not to believe that boys will grow up and forget you while girls will keep the family bonds strong because we hear this conventional wisdom repeated again and again, but this absolutely doesn't have to be true and is pretty sexist when you think about it. Like only women know how to pick up a phone on mom's birthday? I think it's partly about raising your boys to be considerate and thoughtful people, and partly just how well your personalities mesh and you get along as adults. But I think it's reasonable of me to expect my sons to keep in touch and do their part to maintain a good relationship, and I also expect that kids of either gender will and should have their independance and live their own lives one day, that might mean moving away for work or something.

[XXforhubby]

^^^I agree completely. My grandma who had 3 sons always told me that the relationship you want with your children when they grow up is related to the type of relationship you cultivate with them as adults. She said obviously their needs are much different and they have grown into different versions of themselves that you have to get to know.



DS1, DS2, & DS3
EDD 9/30/2017 for pink

My Ovulation Chart

[carebear1st]

I grew up surrounded by girls and even now my boys are surrounded by girls. I always knew I wanted children and thought I'd have 4 and get a mix. I'm out numbered at home and would like a mini me, I'm tired of seeing everyone's daughters or staring at baby girls on the street. My youngest boy really would like a sister the same as my eldest did when i was pregnant with youngest, my sister just had her 2nd girl and my youngest said when are we going to see "our" baby. We need a little girl for us all to dote on.

Also I want to be the grandma that gets to babysit and its normally the womans family that sees more of the children in my experience.

[atomic sagebrush]

my mother has babysat for us less than 5 times in 25 years (mostly because we live far away but also because with our first two kids, she was still raising her own kids and working). She is retired now and babysits for my brother's kids all the time. It's not a gender thing, it really isn't. No young couple on the face of the planet will turn down babysitting from a motivated grandma!!

[Throwaway_panther]

I grew up surrounded by girls and even now my boys are surrounded by girls. I always knew I wanted children and thought I'd have 4 and get a mix. I'm out numbered at home and would like a mini me, I'm tired of seeing everyone's daughters or staring at baby girls on the street. My youngest boy really would like a sister the same as my eldest did when i was pregnant with youngest, my sister just had her 2nd girl and my youngest said when are we going to see "our" baby. We need a little girl for us all to dote on.

Also I want to be the grandma that gets to babysit and its normally the womans family that sees more of the children in my experience.

My MIL lives 5 minutes away and we've full on given her her own key on top of all our invites, and she stil drives several hours away to see her only DD and her DD's kids more than us/our DD! Definitely refers back to what XX said -- my in-laws favored and cultivated that sort of relationship with their DD, also their youngest, and now barely see any of their DSs -- even though one of them would love to see them more. I think they had such a self fulfilling prophecy about how their DD would be vs DSs!

[cosmosis]

Both my mom and my mother in law are busy, independent working women and we hardly hear from them. I WISH I had a grandma around for our kids u_u.

Oh and I'm a terrible daughter who never calls her parents. >_> I hope my DD is not like me.

[Greydore]

I've been thinking more about this lately, and am reconsidering whether I want to sway or not. Do I really want a girl? I don't know...it seems like it would be nice to have the gender that we don't have, just to experience both. But other than that I don't yearn for a daughter. I don't moon over little girls when I'm out running errands. I saw a dad and his 3 boys at Target today and it made me smile- I was happy thinking that that could be my husband and our boys. I don't feel sad that I can't buy pink clothes (I actually hate pink, haha). I don't long for a deep mother-daughter bond, because it truly is not a guarantee. The activities I enjoy I do with my sons- my oldest loves baking, reading, and even asks for his nails painted my youngest is such a snuggle bug. I used to nanny full time for a family of 2 boys and 2 girls, and while I loved them all, I connected with the boys more, and I've always had a soft spot for little boys in general. Anyways, I have a few months to decide if I'll be swaying or not!

[atomic sagebrush]

Can you approach it from the angle that you can sway pink and then just be cool with it if you get an opposite?? I find that some people really regret not swaying (and quite a lot of people feel exactly like you do.)

I felt exactly the same way you did. I really do share most stuff with my sons. I love little boys (and older ones too LOL) There are a few things that we don't have in common and I can get all that from other women, really. There was just this something there that wouldn't go away, though.

Personally, I never got GD feelings from baby girls. Little girls annoy me sometimes to be honest. I felt more uptight over older girls teenagers and young women.

I think because everyone assumes it's about pink and glitter unicorns or having a mini-me that's what it's about, but I think there may just be something deeper that is really, really hard to explain about this desire. It's almost like experiencing a part of yourself that you never got to really experience because you were a child at the time or something. It's not a mystical experience, and I could have lived my life without it and been perfectly happy with just my boys, but I do feel like I understand ~certain~ elements of my experience as a female human more from having a daughter.

Example, it is interesting how much she just LOVES babies. It's bizarre and we didn't talk them up to her or anything. I was in a super hurry to have kids and had my first at 21 which scandalized my parents. But having seen my daughter in comparison to my sons, I can see now that was probably an innate quality, and not, as my parents would have had me believe, a way that I was trying to flee adult responsibilities and/or turn my back on their values system which put a premium on high levels of education and looking somewhat down on SAHMS. It's like I can shed light on some experiences I've had because I can see her go through the same things.

Now is it worth turning my life upside down and inside out? I don't know. No one would ever trade the kid they have, of course, but it was very disruptive to our lives for me to pursue this dream. Maybe I shouldn't have. But that's one of those things that everyone has to draw their own conclusion about, I suppose.

[foxtrotmama]

Can you approach it from the angle that you can sway pink and then just be cool with it if you get an opposite?? I find that some people really regret not swaying (and quite a lot of people feel exactly like you do.)

I felt exactly the same way you did. I really do share most stuff with my sons. I love little boys (and older ones too LOL) There are a few things that we don't have in common and I can get all that from other women, really. There was just this something there that wouldn't go away, though.

Personally, I never got GD feelings from baby girls. Little girls annoy me sometimes to be honest. I felt more uptight over older girls teenagers and young women.

I think because everyone assumes it's about pink and glitter unicorns or having a mini-me that's what it's about, but I think there may just be something deeper that is really, really hard to explain about this desire. It's almost like experiencing a part of yourself that you never got to really experience because you were a child at the time or something. It's not a mystical experience, and I could have lived my life without it and been perfectly happy with just my boys, but I do feel like I understand ~certain~ elements of my experience as a female human more from having a daughter.

Example, it is interesting how much she just LOVES babies. It's bizarre and we didn't talk them up to her or anything. I was in a super hurry to have kids and had my first at 21 which scandalized my parents. But having seen my daughter in comparison to my sons, I can see now that was probably an innate quality, and not, as my parents would have had me believe, a way that I was trying to flee adult responsibilities and/or turn my back on their values system which put a premium on high levels of education and looking somewhat down on SAHMS. It's like I can shed light on some experiences I've had because I can see her go through the same things.

Now is it worth turning my life upside down and inside out? I don't know. No one would ever trade the kid they have, of course, but it was very disruptive to our lives for me to pursue this dream. Maybe I shouldn't have. But that's one of those things that everyone has to draw their own conclusion about, I suppose.

Something about this post really resonated with me. I always wanted and loved babies, and was raised as an only child by parents who loved me, but constantly talked down about pregnancy/babies/childbearing. My decision to marry and have children young came as a disappointment. I'm still nervous about announcing my next pregnancy, actually.