Torn

[mt9178]

After having reached a place at the beginning of the year where I had accepted I was going to be a boy mom to four sons, we had a huge surprise positive pregnancy test a few months later. We were not trying and it came as a gigantic surprise. We were excited and looking forward to the new addition to our family. An addition to our home was being planned and both my husband and I were talking about future ideas and plans for our growing family.

At our NT scan things looked great, but the baby was lying on the cord so we could not get the proper measurements and would try again in a week. After posting an ultrasound picture on the forums we received over 30 girl guesses (not one boy guess) on here and IG. At this point, I was over the moon excited and could not believe that my dream of a daughter was actually coming true. I had begun to think about her all the time and was really looking forward to meeting her in November.

One week later, those dreams were shattered when at my follow-up ultrasound there was no heart beat showing. I was devastated, crushed and heartbroken. I felt like it was some terrible joke that someone had played on me. Here are your dreams of your daughter dangling in front of me and then they were yanked away and squashed. Nope sorry you are not worthy of this, ha why would you think you were? I have so many questions, why and how could something like this happen. How could an amazing surprise end in heartache?

I have this hole in my heart now that was not there before. Do I try to go back to the place that I had reached before or do I try again for our daughter? I know there is no right answer but I am just so torn as what to do. I am scared to try again as I am hypothyroid and have a feeling this contributed to the loss.

[The Anchor]

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't offer any advice, but I have been TTC myself after a loss at 12 weeks in October 2012. It gets easier I promise, give yourself some time to heal before you decided...HUGS.

[Rosie85]

I am so sorry for your loss. Have you been on medication for your thyroid issues?? I understand your fear for trying again as I too have had a loss around 12 weeks. I am beyond terrified. However my chance for a daughter is zero if I dont keep trying no matter how many losses I have to endure I have decided to keep going.

[luckyfourleafclover]

I am SO so sorry - I can totally understand how you feel.

The good news is that you get pregnant easily, and you do seem to be able to make girls - even after 4 boys.

You should take some hope from that - a little at least.

You and your DH will come to the right decision for you both in time.

hugs

[atomic sagebrush]

I am so so very sorry.

I do agree that usually when I see losses at this stage of gestation, it is often related to thyroid stuff. I would go to the doctor and get a complete workup and see what they recommend.

[mt9178]

I do have hypothyroidism and am on meds for it and have been for two years. I was not aware that they should be checking the TSH levels every 4-5 weeks not the 8 that they were going to. My big mistake.

After the miscarriage I decided to go to an Endocrinologist instead of my gp. Best decision I could have made. She said that she likes to see the levels of those pregnant or wanting to get pregnant to be @1, so I am on a higher amount to keep me at that level now.

Just scared to try again...

[atomic sagebrush]

It wasn't your mistake hun, it was theirs. Please do not blame yourself for what happened in any way.

[blueeyedguys]

Are you on Synthroid or natural thyroid. If you have any issues converting T4 to T3, you need to be on natural thyroid because Synthroid only replaces T4. A LOT of drs, including endos, are completely oblivious to many thyroid issues, including this one. The FB group Thyroid Sexy has a lot of info.

Please don't blame yourself. I had a lot of losses that were likely related to untreated hypothyroidism. It sucks, but it's not your fault you weren't getting enough treatment.

[mt9178]

I am taking 100mcg levothyroxin and I do have the TPO antibodies. I have an appt with my endo Nov 1st and will ask her about the natural thyroid. Thanks for the info

Are you treating yours with meds?

Side note...noticed you also have four boys wondering if any connection to the thyroid issues

[atomic sagebrush]

There has been some speculation about thyroid and boys but I believe this to be coincidental. Some people have medical conditions where they may have BOTH PCO-tendencies (sway blue) and thyroid issues (which I believe to be neutral)

Have also seen tons of all girl moms with thyroid stuff.