DE IVF high tech gender selection fail

[Ellirosanne]

Hello, my DH and I are in our 40's and have a blended family. I have grown sons and he has a ten year old son. I was done having children but he wanted to have a baby and start a family as he only had one son and had Co-parented but never had a nuclear family. We got pregnant and had a little boy, whom we both love dearly. He's my 4rth boy, and his second, our first and only together and his first "family". We are loving raising him, and tried for over a year to get pregnant again with no luck. We did testing and found I have DOR, (old eggs). So we decided to do DE. We had initially been trying the swaying tricks to get a girl, but figured with DE, and pgs testing, it was more of a sure bet. We'd just have them transfer in the girl. We both want a daughter so much!anyways, when our pgs results came back, all of our embryos were boys. We are doing this in Czech Republic where gender selection is illegal, so we are kind of in a tough spot.wehashed out all of our feelings this weekend, and my DH really wants to grow our little family, and it's more important to him to have our family grow, then to have a girl. He really wants to have this baby. So we've decided to go ahead and transfer our healthiest boy embryo, so our son will have a little brother two years younger.... a play mate. Honestly, I think this will be really good for our little boy. And my DH really wants this. So I need to figure out how to get through this emotionally. A part of me really wants this to complete our little family, Andi know we can go bank and do this again for a little girl in a couple years. But I was so excited about this until I found out it was a boy, and now I just can't seem to get excited or happy. I just feel so blue about it. I feel so guilty for feeling this way, but if I don't talk about it, I won't be able to deal with it. I'm afraid! What if I can't love him like I should? I can't imagine bonding with him, which makes me feel like an awful person. I'm sure my feelings will change once I see his innoscent little heartbeating, and feeling him move within me, but I wish I knew for sure. And I wish I could feel excited, like I was for a girl. I feel like I'm being so petty. I just feel so disappointed, and guilty for my disappointment! I'm sure I'll post on here more as I sort through my confusing mess of feelings.

[Gazebogirl]

Hi Ellirosanne. I've followed your story closely since I am planning a donor egg cycle as well. I think you are so very lucky to have a husband who is excited about having more children and about growing your family together. I think this is pretty rare among men. I also think that your son will love having a little brother, and you will love watching them grow together and enjoy each other.

I had intense gender disappointment but I never had trouble bonding with my sons. My sadness comes not from them but from what I am missing. I also know I have a limited capacity - a limited number of children who I can effectively parent. Therefore, if I am to have one more child, it must be the daughter that I have been longing for...it must be the child who will fill the hole in my heart. And I know that a son won't do that. So that's why I am doing IVF with DE and why I would only transfer an xx.

If you think you can handle more than one more child, then I can see why DH's desire to transfer an xy could work for your family - and for you. You can even do another DE cycle while you're pregnant, a freeze all, and hope that you get xx this time. That way you'll know you have them, and you'll know what the future likely holds for you, and then you can fully enjoy your new son knowing that a daughter is coming, too.

If you are being petty, then you must be in the right place. For if you are petty, than so are we all. I also wonder myself why I have this desire. I wonder myself why I can't be content and totally fulfilled with my beautiful boys. I guess I just feel like I am missing something, and that I get only this one life...so I'm trying to make this happen for myself.

Your transfer is in just about a week, right? Are you sure you want to rush into this? I know you've been on meds to prepare for your FET but perhaps it would make sense to delay it until you can feel more at peace and less uncertain about everything. Hugs to you.