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July 16th, 2017, 04:09 PM
#31
Swaying Advice Coach
Greydore, here is the thing (and I'm not sure this is anything one person can explain to another person but I'll try) You're smack dab in the least fun part of it now and it will be just the absolute blink of an eye and you're going to be out of it. It will only get easier and you're SO young. I remember when I was in my 20's and it felt like I"d have to wait FOREVER to get to the older kid stage but then looking back on it now, it feels like it was only a few days LOL (barely exaggerating).
My best advice is to live in the moment. Doing stuff with a toddler is not so fun, but in a year or two you aren't going to even remember any of the bad stuff and will only remember when he stopped to look at a bug and how adorable he was. I feel like we create so much unhappiness for ourselves trying to hurry up the program taking little kids on activities that are better with older ones instead of enjoying little kid activities for the sake of the little kid. (not that you shouldn't take him camping, but that you have to understand going in that is what it's going to be - an exercise in keeping him from certain death LOL)
I really, truly feel like this makes your guys' GD exponentially worse, because little boys can be handfuls and it's easier to think of the grass being greener (it isn't, toddler girls are equally death prone) and because you're in the hardest stage of parenting, when everything is work and terror and there is very little enjoyment. When the boys are 5 and 3 you will be enjoying yourself a lot more and then that's when it really starts to get so so so fun!!
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July 16th, 2017, 05:25 PM
#32
Originally Posted by
atomic sagebrush
Greydore, here is the thing (and I'm not sure this is anything one person can explain to another person but I'll try) You're smack dab in the least fun part of it now and it will be just the absolute blink of an eye and you're going to be out of it. It will only get easier and you're SO young. I remember when I was in my 20's and it felt like I"d have to wait FOREVER to get to the older kid stage but then looking back on it now, it feels like it was only a few days LOL (barely exaggerating).
My best advice is to live in the moment. Doing stuff with a toddler is not so fun, but in a year or two you aren't going to even remember any of the bad stuff and will only remember when he stopped to look at a bug and how adorable he was. I feel like we create so much unhappiness for ourselves trying to hurry up the program taking little kids on activities that are better with older ones instead of enjoying little kid activities for the sake of the little kid. (not that you shouldn't take him camping, but that you have to understand going in that is what it's going to be - an exercise in keeping him from certain death LOL)
I really, truly feel like this makes your guys' GD exponentially worse, because little boys can be handfuls and it's easier to think of the grass being greener (it isn't, toddler girls are equally death prone) and because you're in the hardest stage of parenting, when everything is work and terror and there is very little enjoyment. When the boys are 5 and 3 you will be enjoying yourself a lot more and then that's when it really starts to get so so so fun!!
I kind of wanted to cry reading this. We are definitely in the thick of things. Each day seems like an eternity, especially with few friends in the area to commiserate with. It is hard, and it seems harder in this day and age because there is mom guilt surrounding EVERYTHING. I totally agree about activities- the camping thing was more because 3 year old really wanted to go, and I had no one to keep younger one. I feel horrible constantly wishing this stage away, because I know I'm going to miss their littleness so much when they're older. Ugh.
I also want to add that I have no GD with either of them- I'm not even sure I'm going to sway if we do try for a third because I do love having little boys. I have just enjoyed this site and the non-judgmental community here, so I keep coming back.
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July 17th, 2017, 12:39 PM
#33
Swaying Advice Coach
I never had so much as a speck of GD with my first two either. Little guys are SO fun.
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July 17th, 2017, 10:46 PM
#34
Dream Vet
Originally Posted by
Greydore
I kind of wanted to cry reading this. We are definitely in the thick of things. Each day seems like an eternity, especially with few friends in the area to commiserate with. It is hard, and it seems harder in this day and age because there is mom guilt surrounding EVERYTHING. I totally agree about activities- the camping thing was more because 3 year old really wanted to go, and I had no one to keep younger one. I feel horrible constantly wishing this stage away, because I know I'm going to miss their littleness so much when they're older. Ugh.
I also want to add that I have no GD with either of them- I'm not even sure I'm going to sway if we do try for a third because I do love having little boys. I have just enjoyed this site and the non-judgmental community here, so I keep coming back.
Hey Greydore, I'd noticed I hadn't seen many posts from you recently, nice to see you are back (if not for the swaying then for the community). I do love that there is little/no judgement from people on this site and the support is fantastic. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings and this site allows tha forum.
I'm sorry to hear that you're having a tough time. It is true that the days can be soooooo long and the years so short with little ones. I am finding now what DD2 is getting a little older and is now enjoying the company of DD1 and they show glimpses of playing together that I'm less reliant on having adults company to keep me sane. I hope the time when you can relax a little and not have to worry about them killing themselves every 3 seconds comes quickly. GL with whatever decision you make about #3.
DD1 (2014)
DD2 (2016)
Our
sway is getting into NOW or NEVER territory
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July 21st, 2017, 12:22 AM
#35
Dream Vet
So it's been a few weeks since I posted this and during that time I've had a mental shift in my thinking. I've gone from 'I want a boy, we're going to have a third, financially not the best decision' but secretly thinking we probably won't go through with this to 'I do genuinely want a third, preferably boy but another girl would be ok, we are actually going to do this' and actually intending to do it.
I knew DP wasn't 100% on board yet (he's very happy with his 2 DDs, and is very sensible) but knew he could probably be convinced if I was keen. So today given my recent shift in thinking I raised the issue in hopes of initiating a mental shift in thinking for him too. Unfortunately he wasn't as receptive as I'd have liked. He's concerned about the cost of it all, which doesn't fit with some of the things going on in our life atm. He suggested pushing out my timeline if we have a third.
Anyway just feeling a little frustrated today. For me the timeline I was going to was very considered and if we miss it then I don't know if I will want a third. Looks like I've got some convincing to do .
DD1 (2014)
DD2 (2016)
Our
sway is getting into NOW or NEVER territory
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July 21st, 2017, 12:28 AM
#36
Originally Posted by
MiaMelb
So it's been a few weeks since I posted this and during that time I've had a mental shift in my thinking. I've gone from 'I want a boy, we're going to have a third, financially not the best decision' but secretly thinking we probably won't go through with this to 'I do genuinely want a third, preferably boy but another girl would be ok, we are actually going to do this' and actually intending to do it.
I knew DP wasn't 100% on board yet (he's very happy with his 2 DDs, and is very sensible) but knew he could probably be convinced if I was keen. So today given my recent shift in thinking I raised the issue in hopes of initiating a mental shift in thinking for him too. Unfortunately he wasn't as receptive as I'd have liked. He's concerned about the cost of it all, which doesn't fit with some of the things going on in our life atm. He suggested pushing out my timeline if we have a third.
Anyway just feeling a little frustrated today. For me the timeline I was going to was very considered and if we miss it then I don't know if I will want a third. Looks like I've got some convincing to do
.
Those damn husbands/partners - wish mine would happily agree too. We have two boys and he's gone as far as suggesting we have another only to backtrack and get sensible on the costs - 'the house, the car, the ongoing expense of three...' - I figure it will all work out, men don't have the biological pull that we have I don't think so it's easier to be 'sensible'. I'm the same but opposite I'd die for a girl but I see little newborn boys and I want one of them too!
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July 21st, 2017, 02:53 PM
#37
Swaying Advice Coach
Just to state my unpopular opinion, for whatever it's worth (and I hope it is worth nothing at all to any of you since your husbands are so awesome!) but here it goes...
I have seen gobs and gobs of men who are so insistent with their wives about finances this, and plan for the future that, who hit a certain age and chuck it all in, leave their families practically destitute or at least unable to enjoy all the magnificent things that they say they're wanting to save up money to have and do, only to start up again with a different woman and have more children with HER. I can't even tell you the number of women who I've talked to, whose husbands outright refused another baby or fought against it with all his might, and then all of us being the good little girls that we are, we agreed only to be blindsided in 5 years or 10 years when it's too late for us to start over, by them doing exactly that.
I say this not to cause trouble in anyone's marriage but just take it from a voice with some experience - sometimes what they say now and what they'll say then, when the rubber hits the road, may be a very different thing entirely and since we have a limited amount of time in which we can TTC, PLEASE put your desires FIRST in your heart and mind and look out for number one. Because he can always change his mind, but we cannot.
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July 21st, 2017, 06:40 PM
#38
Originally Posted by
atomic sagebrush
Just to state my unpopular opinion, for whatever it's worth (and I hope it is worth nothing at all to any of you since your husbands are so awesome!) but here it goes...
I have seen gobs and gobs of men who are so insistent with their wives about finances this, and plan for the future that, who hit a certain age and chuck it all in, leave their families practically destitute or at least unable to enjoy all the magnificent things that they say they're wanting to save up money to have and do, only to start up again with a different woman and have more children with HER. I can't even tell you the number of women who I've talked to, whose husbands outright refused another baby or fought against it with all his might, and then all of us being the good little girls that we are, we agreed only to be blindsided in 5 years or 10 years when it's too late for us to start over, by them doing exactly that.
I say this not to cause trouble in anyone's marriage but just take it from a voice with some experience - sometimes what they say now and what they'll say then, when the rubber hits the road, may be a very different thing entirely and since we have a limited amount of time in which we can TTC, PLEASE put your desires FIRST in your heart and mind and look out for number one. Because he can always change his mind, but we cannot.
Haha.. I love this..BUT it takes two to tango lol... I'm not adverse to a 'manufactured accident' but aside from that there's not much we can do. I can't decide if I semi-sway in case. If there really was an accidental pregnancy I'd be pissed that I didn't sway...
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July 22nd, 2017, 02:49 AM
#39
Moderator
Originally Posted by
atomic sagebrush
Just to state my unpopular opinion, for whatever it's worth (and I hope it is worth nothing at all to any of you since your husbands are so awesome!) but here it goes...
I have seen gobs and gobs of men who are so insistent with their wives about finances this, and plan for the future that, who hit a certain age and chuck it all in, leave their families practically destitute or at least unable to enjoy all the magnificent things that they say they're wanting to save up money to have and do, only to start up again with a different woman and have more children with HER. I can't even tell you the number of women who I've talked to, whose husbands outright refused another baby or fought against it with all his might, and then all of us being the good little girls that we are, we agreed only to be blindsided in 5 years or 10 years when it's too late for us to start over, by them doing exactly that.
I say this not to cause trouble in anyone's marriage but just take it from a voice with some experience - sometimes what they say now and what they'll say then, when the rubber hits the road, may be a very different thing entirely and since we have a limited amount of time in which we can TTC, PLEASE put your desires FIRST in your heart and mind and look out for number one. Because he can always change his mind, but we cannot.
Love this aswell!
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July 23rd, 2017, 02:28 PM
#40
Swaying Advice Coach
Originally Posted by
frankie2017
Haha.. I love this..BUT it takes two to tango lol... I'm not adverse to a 'manufactured accident' but aside from that there's not much we can do. I can't decide if I semi-sway in case. If there really was an accidental pregnancy I'd be pissed that I didn't sway...
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I"m not suggesting anyone play sneaky pool, what I am saying is that many of us broach the subject (or not even that) very tentatively one time and then he says no and we let it go. If it is something that matters to you, if it is important to you, be willling to go to the mat and fight for it because it very well may be negotiable (even if he says it isn't) and by all rights, your opinion/wants/desires matter more than his do, since he does not lose the ability while we do.
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