preparing for disappointment even before ttc?

[Daisy Ravenclaw]

hi everyone, we are about to start ttc pink in the next 6 weeks or so, have started diet changes and vitamins, but i am absolutely terrified that it will not work - again. i was absolutely devastated when we were told at 20 weeks our first was a ds, then i felt so guilty for feeling we were having the 'wrong' baby, and it has taken me nearly 2 years to come to terms with my disappointment. all my friends are having/have had their second children in the past 12 months or so, and nearly every single one has been a girl after a boy first, and other friends with a single child have a girl. i am still jealous, but have been feeling ok with my disappointment knowing that we would try again soon. but now that it comes to the time, i feel frozen. i have already put off ttc as i wasn't ready for the possibility of another ds, but i want to conceive soon so that there won't be a massive age gap. i feel like i am already preparing for this sway not to work, i am scared i am jinxing us but afraid that if i get my hopes up too high i will be gutted again. i am half heartedly trying to change our blue friendly lifestyle (researching after the fact it makes sense why ds was a boy), adding in passive elements to our sway (like ions) as they are easily achievable, and calling it a 'lightish medium' sway, because even though dh is prepared to do a kitchen sink full 10 yards sway, mentally, i am not willing to as if it doesn't work i worry that it will be the end of me :/

how do you balance your hopes with possible reality before you are even ttc?

[Magical22]

Is high tech an option?


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[Daisy Ravenclaw]

it's not for us, financially out of reach.

[nuthinbutpink]

it's not for us, financially out of reach.

Are you certain of this? Where do you live? Do you have insurance? Can you qualify for a zero interest credit card?

[Wantanother2017]

Daisy, I SO can relate to your feelings. These thoughts are circling in my head most of the time as well. I am in the exact position and am planning to sway in the next 6 months. I started my 1st sway and quit a month in as I'm not emotionally ready to pregnant with another son potentially at this point.

My husband does not agree with going HT, and flat out refuses. But is supportive of me doing all of the work and trying to sway.
It's taken 2 years for him to even remotely understand my grief towards our baby not being my long daughter after daughter.
However, I will say that in the last several months I am finally starting to warm up to the idea that if I never have my daughter, I will be ok. I have even started counseling to try to get over this. So point being, I try to remember these feelings aren't forever. You won't always feel them as I intensely as you do now. However I don't believe they will completely disappear. Just know your not not alone.


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[Daisy Ravenclaw]

nuthinbutpink - we are in australia, would be an OS trip on top of treatment for ht. presuming $20-30k ballpark given what i've read on here, definitely unachievable for us, no insurance, and given current circumstance (sahm + still paying off previous debts) no one is going to lend us that much!

wantanother2017 - my dh is supportive but is not doing any of the research either, drives me crazy! he understands how upset i am/was, and was a bit shocked when were told it was a boy first time as he had been so sure it was a girl, he just had a 'feeling', but part of me wonders if he was just picking up on my desire. i think i knew deep down he was a boy, but trying to answer everyone's 'do you have a feeling' questions right before the scan -evasively but diplomatically, and trying not to let on my extreme desire was tough.
i've just started seeing a therapist too, i am trying to be in a position to welcome another boy if it happens, and trying to think of the good things about 2 boys (like a brotherly bond), rather than think about what i would miss out on if i never get my daughter. i think you are right that these feelings are super intense, probably because we are in the throes of family planning and when we are done and the youngest are growing up and we move out of planning and pregnancy and into getting on with our families it might be easier.
i also don't think this will ever go away, but i do hope it might lessen as time passes.

[Erin514]

I know not everyone is like this but I actually find my GD is less strong with each pregnancy. I was utterly convinced my first would be a girl, even bought girl clothes before my u/s because I just "knew". I was totally stunned when u/s showed a boy, it took me months to accept it. My DS2 I still really wanted a girl but I didn't let myself hope too much because I knew the same thing could happen again. When I saw boy again it really wasn't so bad. I guess I'd kind of just grown used to the idea that things wouldn't be what I'd imagined.

Once you can see how great your kids are, and especially how they are together, it kind of takes the steam out of those thoughts, for me anyway. I love watching the bond my boys share, and DS2 really fits so well in the family. I try to focus on that going into ttc3, and I feel like if I have a third son I'll be able to just accept that it was meant to be...

[atomic sagebrush]

We have another user called "complex emotions" who is very much in the same place as you and I urge you guys to read each other's threads as they may be helpful.

I would def. urge that you take a lightish approach not only for your own well being but also because they've been more effective. the people who do the hardcore sways are all too often the ones who get opposites anyway - something about it seems to undermine otherwise great sways.

I do think you should stay on diet for 12 weeks before TTC, our results have been much better. Just be extra cautious not to lose too much weight.

Can you give me a recap of what you're doing?? We have found that a lot of the things they recommend on other sites are not working and so I want to be sure you're not taking vitamins like Vit. B6 and D that they recommend on other sites but have not worked for us.

[emilyloeb11]

Daisy, I SO can relate to your feelings. These thoughts are circling in my head most of the time as well. I am in the exact position and am planning to sway in the next 6 months. I started my 1st sway and quit a month in as I'm not emotionally ready to pregnant with another son potentially at this point.

My husband does not agree with going HT, and flat out refuses. But is supportive of me doing all of the work and trying to sway.
It's taken 2 years for him to even remotely understand my grief towards our baby not being my long daughter after daughter.
However, I will say that in the last several months I am finally starting to warm up to the idea that if I never have my daughter, I will be ok. I have even started counseling to try to get over this. So point being, I try to remember these feelings aren't forever. You won't always feel them as I intensely as you do now. However I don't believe they will completely disappear. Just know your not not alone.


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I feel the same as both of you. We are going to start TTC in January and this will be my 4th try for a girl. I'm scared to even start trying.


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[Daisy Ravenclaw]

Erin514 – I think yours is the attitude I am hoping to develop!

emilyloeb11 – I’ve a girlfriend with two boys, both failed sways (I think, we don’t speak openly about it), who was planning a third pink attempt and accidentally fell pregnant before she could implement anything. She was upset, as fell pg ‘differently’, ie. without knowing exactly when o was or which day of cycle she was on as they weren’t trying yet, and she is about to give birth to their surprise daughter. Maybe doing something different to your other pg attempts could work for you?

ATOMIC- I will look up that user, thankyou. As for my sway –

diet- I have hashimoto’s, so have been looking at the le pcos diet, and I am vegetarian. I take 75mg thyroxine mon-thurs in the morning, and 150mg fri/sat/sun morning as directed by gp, so can’t eat for awhile after that anyway. Example menu - Eat breakfast around 10-10.30 as tummy rumbles are tough by then chasing toddler. Having a coffee with skim milk and equal sachet, 2 cruskits with hommus, and some greek yoghurt with more equal and berries/other fruit. Lunch is 2ish, more hommus or greek yoghurt with tahini mixed with veggies, cheese and mountain bread, and dinner around 7 trying to stick to brown rice, veggies, hommus, bit of tofu 2-3 times week. No snacking is really tough, but so far so good with that. Sometimes peppermint tea in afternoons, glass white wine 3-4 evenings week. Not adding salt to cooking, cut out bananas and potato. Cut right back on pre packaged food. Drinking lots of tap water.

I can afford to lose a bit of weight, but struggling with how much exercise to do. 1 hour intensive exercise a day is not doable for me, is chasing toddler enough? Is walking around block gentle exercise more harm than good?

supps- daily I am taking my thyroxine, plus ¼ teaspoon of inositol – looking to build up to ½ tsp. maybe up to 1 tsp depending on how my body reacts over next few weeks (is apparently also good for my anxiety), calcium and magnesium, folate with iodine, fibre supplement.

wanted to take pregnitude but not available in aus, so inositol instead. I also have a probiotic tablet that I am not sure if I should take.


dh – is overweight and will be 35 in a few short months. He is taking calcium and magnesium, fibre supplement and olive leaf. Drinking peppermint tea several times a week, mainly vegetarian diet. Drinks coffee daily, alcohol 2-3 evenings week.

I am not sure whether he should take cranberry?

Attempt – dh frequent release 5 days prior, hot shower beforehand. I will do ½ applicator of rephresh 12-24hours prior to attempt. Missionary position. Will wait 10-15mins before getting up after attempt.

Was aiming for a single attempt at o-3 day cut off, but I am having trouble temping – didn’t temp prior to last pregnancy as my af was very regular 31 day cycle, now it is more unpredictable, 28-35 day. Struggling to interpret my fertility friend chart, think opk’s might be easier. Will do a test cycle to ascertain surge and compare with charting results, then perhaps just do a single attempt at first high peak?

Also not sure if should take antihistamine (zyrtec) 5 days prior?

Also washing with lavender, fan on a lot etc, not sure how I feel about ions but doing something about them feels like a step in the right direction. Is there anything I am overlooking? Anything I should change? We got pregnant 3rd try with our first, if we are not pg 2-3 months in, what should we drop first?